Child Contact??

simon4amiee

I have a son aged 8 who does not live with me, however I do see him every weekend Fri 5pm - Sun 7pm, and all holidays etc.

I pay his mother £150 per month via a verbal agreement between us, this is well over what I would pay if the CSA was involved, but she didnt want them involved.

I have been blackmailed, threatened, and verbally attacked over any issue regarding my son, basically I have to do as she says or I dont see him. I have basically done everything she has said because I always wanted to see my son and bringing him into an argument wouldnt be good for him.

We have now moved and on the advice of the police who we have kept informed of these incidents, we have moved out of the area, and I have told her I am going through the CSA.

She has said to me she will get it out of my son one way or another where I live, so her husband can come and kill me.

My son says he get interogated every weekend when he goes home by his mum to find out if I have said anything about her. He says it upsets him, and that he prefers being with me.

My question is really what procedure would I need to follow to get contact guaranteed, so I cannot be threatened again. Is it a CONTACT ORDER or RESIDENCY ORDER, I dont want to change his routine and if its legal she cant do anything.

Regarding the threats the police are aware but I asked them not to get involved at this stage until something happened for the sake of my child, its not his argument.

jamespir

simon4amiee wrote: »

I have a son aged 8 who does not live with me, however I do see him every weekend Fri 5pm - Sun 7pm, and all holidays etc.

I pay his mother £150 per month via a verbal agreement between us, this is well over what I would pay if the CSA was involved, but she didnt want them involved.

I have been blackmailed, threatened, and verbally attacked over any issue regarding my son, basically I have to do as she says or I dont see him. I have basically done everything she has said because I always wanted to see my son and bringing him into an argument wouldnt be good for him.

We have now moved and on the advice of the police who we have kept informed of these incidents, we have moved out of the area, and I have told her I am going through the CSA.

She has said to me she will get it out of my son one way or another where I live, so her husband can come and kill me.

My son says he get interogated every weekend when he goes home by his mum to find out if I have said anything about her. He says it upsets him, and that he prefers being with me.

My question is really what procedure would I need to follow to get contact guaranteed, so I cannot be threatened again. Is it a CONTACT ORDER or RESIDENCY ORDER, I dont want to change his routine and if its legal she cant do anything.

Regarding the threats the police are aware but I asked them not to get involved at this stage until something happened for the sake of my child, its not his argument.

i think you need to speak to a solicitor because if her and her husband are threating the child thats wrong and it looks like the child should be with you

simon4amiee

I cant afford a solicitor and i earn just over the amount to be able to get legal aid!

tattycath

Really sorry about your situation - i know exactly where you are coming from.
I think you can get the first half hour with a solicitor free-it's worth having an initial consultation and then maybe represent yourself. My OH ended up self representing and the ex was not happy but started to 'play ball' because they weren't entitled to legal aid and the longer it went on the more the ex's costs went up

jamespir

simon4amiee wrote: »

I cant afford a solicitor and i earn just over the amount to be able to get legal aid!

try cab they may be able to help

simon4amiee

tattycath wrote: »

Really sorry about your situation - i know exactly where you are coming from.
I think you can get the first half hour with a solicitor free-it's worth having an initial consultation and then maybe represent yourself. My OH ended up self representing and the ex was not happy but started to 'play ball' because they weren't entitled to legal aid and the longer it went on the more the ex's costs went up

She will be she has 3 other kids to 3 dads, and my lad always seems to be left out he says. She ordered me to give her the money or she would be round with others to take it, she doesnt yet know where we live, but if she gets it out of my son there will i feel be trouble!

emsywoo123

simon4amiee wrote: »

She will be she has 3 other kids to 3 dads, and my lad always seems to be left out he says. She ordered me to give her the money or she would be round with others to take it, she doesnt yet know where we live, but if she gets it out of my son there will i feel be trouble!

Dear God this sounds so awful for your son, please seek advice from solicitor (first half hr free, as mentioned above) CAB or even social services?:o

Counting_Pennies_2

So really the only childcare she does for the child is after school, you have him the rest of the time.

I would suggest the only reason she isn't giving him to you full time is the money.

I would get advice as to how you get custody of him.

I would definitely try the CAB, but there is also a new child custody helpline I can't find details of it, but heard it on the radio, will listen out again to see if I can remember it, someone here might be able to help.

Another one might be http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Dl1/Directories/DG_10010942

Good luck

simon4amiee

He also goes to my mums on tuesdays for tea

ameliarate

Seriously she sounds completely mad, as does her current husband, which is quite scary.

You need to protect yourself and your son and as others have said go and get your free half hour and go to see CAB.

shell_girl

To answer your question, a contact order establishes when, how often and for how long the child will see the NRP (non resident parent) in this case you. A residency order establishes who the child will live with, the PWR (parent with residency) in this case your ex.

If you don't want to make changes to the child's routine as you say, but want to establish the current contact arrangement as a legal arrangement, then it's a contact order you need to look at.

Regarding the money you pay to your ex, do you have any way of proving that this is where the money is going? Please don't hand over cash- make sure you use a cheque or preferably a bank transfer.

If there's any way of speaking with your ex about this, I would suggest you do, as she may see any change (ie establishing a contact order) as an aggressive move. Worst case scenario, she then threatens you with the CSA (possibly thinking she could get more this way). CSA then look into it, and say that for the amount of time the child spends with you you would get a reduction in maintenance. Ex partner obviously not happy with reduction, so says you can't have the child as often/ as long.

It could get very messy, and if you proceed you will need to speak to a solicitor. Please make sure you get one who specialises in family law.

Sorry, post is a bit garbled but hopefully useful.