boyfriends parents advice/ vent - long post

Schwade

drinkupretty wrote: »

I can't really say anything to my boyfriend because it would not be fair but I am very tempted just to move all my stuff out and stay at my Dad's for the foreseeable but again that would not be fair on my boyfriend and may cause our relationship to suffer. I feel that I cant win!

There lies your problem. You need to communicate to your BF, and then have a good chat with all people involved (i.e. BF, their parents, etc0 on what the boundaries are (i.e. you get to live there for labour, what you need to do, etc). Write it all down. It's like having roommates. You need structure to your relationship.

Finally, maybe you should direct your BF to this thread so that there are 3rd party views on this.

Errata

Looks to me like there's no such thing as rent free accommodation going on, but plenty of free house sitting to ensure the security of the premises.
Your BF needs to get his finger out and go for any and every job possible - he has not reason not to.
Should he stick up for you ? Son's don't usually stick up for house slaves, and they way you've described things that's how you're being treated by him and his parents.
Stay with you dad, tell them all to stick their paintbrushes wherever they please, but not in your hand.
You deserve better.

daska

So your boyfriend has looked for webdeb and admin roles... and what has he done when he's not doing that? There are plenty of other IT jobs that could make use of his skills and there are manual jobs including renovating the house he's wanting you to live in and pay rent on.

RadoJo - You might like to take a look at the HHSRS 'Guidance for Landlords and Property Related Professionals'

honeyD

Im worried, if they are like this now, what will they be like once you are in and this work is done? It will never be your home!
As for the job situation, I share your pain as my Husband is in the computer trade and looking for everything he possibly can to do with them. Hes a game developer but looking at admin jobs, but theres nothing much coming up! The Jobcentre cant find him anything he hasnt already applied for so its hard going.
You need to have your boyfriend tell his parents to stop this before it gets too far out of hand. Just think if you are with him for the next 5 years and they keep going on like this because no boundaries have been set? Hell.

paddy's_mum

Isn't it odd that more than a couple of us have picked up on the "not fair to your boyfriend" comment?

ie I'm afraid to speak my mind because I love him and I don't want to rock the boat and I am so very frightened that if push came to shove, he might chose them instead of me and then what do I do with these wasted years and dreams and all this love with no outlet?

Sweetheart - if that is what you're feeling in the quiet hours of the night, that's exactly why you can't go on as you are. Push the boundaries because otherwise you'll never, ever know precisely where you stand.

Horrible situation, don't envy you one bit, thank heaven for your Dad, eh? I do hope that you have thrown your arms round his neck and told him that he's a great bloke! Good luck.

*Louise*

OMG I want to come down there and drag you away from those horrible people!!! Then give them a piece of my mind!:mad:


YOU are doing THEM the favour!!!

The sooner your b/f realises this, the better - it's not as if they would have anyone else in as tenants if you weren't there, so they haven't lost out on money by 'allowing' you to live there.

They have security for the house, and free labour....you have had a freezing house to live in and pay heating for, decorating to do, STRESS, and on top of that a nasty MIL shouting at you??

I know who has the better end of the deal there.

I'm glad you are staying at your dad's for now. But if I were you I wouldn't be lifting another finger to help until I had an apology from his parents.

You and your b/f need to sort things out first though, if he won't stick up for you now...it will only be worse in 5+ years. You sound far too nice and understanding - it's time to put yourself first

Wishing you all the best, let us know how things progress xx

Ivrytwr3

looks like the wicked witch has kept the OP at hell house. We haven't heard from her since about 1pm!!

*Louise*

She will be slogging away at that decorating and getting no flipping thanks for it I bet

tandraig

I cant believe they allowed their son and his GF (YOU) to live like that! in a house which the council think is uninhabitable? do you realise the risk they put you in? I wouldnt do that to my kids - these people obviously are the landlords from hell. not nice people - and their son sees nothing wrong in that? I would be packing my bags and going home hun. your BF must have some good qualities - but allowing his parents to treat you like they have isnt one of them.

elyk

Um... I just liked the thread.... My apologies I thought I was liking tandraig's comment... doh! So sorry to the OP I am not enjoying your circumstances at all... such a noob I am!!! Speaking of which can anyone explain the medals system to me what's it about and such?