Dividing matrimonial home-fresh start please help!

9shell

Hi, I thought I would add update on how things are going in case anyone might be wondering!

Sadly my daughter has been very unwell with an autoimmune disease which came on last year and has got progressively worse. It has meant all my time and energy is used helping her through her pain or taking her for the many appointments.

Due to this fact I have not had the chance to have a followup meeting with my solicitor until now. I am due to see her tomorrow and I hope I will be able to say what I want to say as my head has been all over the place lately from all the stress and worry for my daughter.

My irrational ex has angered me so much as on the rare occassions that he sees the children he upsets them with the things he says and his selfish attitude.
I have alway been all for them having a relationship with their father despite our problems as I feel it is important for them but lately I am having serious doubts as my daughter has come away after visits crying.

As I mentioned before he chooses not to work and does not wish to make any financial contributions for his children and if they try to broach this subject he bitterly annouces "I don't want her to get her hands on any of my money" refering of course to me! And the latest stupid remark to his 14yr old daughter. "I don't want her to have the money so instead I will save it up for you and give it on your wedding day".

Incidently I am on a limited budget I'm not a spend thrift and every penny I get rarely goes on anything other than our living costs! In his irrational mindseye however while he is intent on making life difficult and is hateful to me he fails to see the hurt and deprivation he causes his children.

I am thinking of asking my solicitor tomorrow to start legal proceedings for the matrimonial property and I hope justice will prevail. He has got away with far too much for far too long!

Fang_3

I wish you all the luck in the world. Have you got the CSA onto him?

9shell

Thanks Fang - He is on benefits so CSA not applicable!

Anyway - saw solicitor today and she said ideally ancillary relief should have been applied for within 3 yrs of divorcing. I didnt realise there was a time limit and my solicitor at the time failed to inform me of this fact. So anyone out there in a similar situation reading this please do not delay make sure you get your ancillary applications underway asap.

I explained to my solicitor that things were difficult at the time as I was going through a very complicated and stressful custody battle with him and the last thing I wanted was to start another battle with ancillary matters due to the fact he was'nt working anyway.

The situation now is that we have got the ball rolling she will notify him of my intentions to resolve issues with the house. Let battle commence! This is the last hold he has over me he has made our lives a total misery for many years and has controlled me by causing intentional and deliberate hardship. He knows the children are my world, I have thought tooth and nail to keep the roof over my childrens heads whilst he did everything he could to make us lose everything out of spite and we came close.

Now my daughter is unwell as I mentioned before and we need to move anyway to a more suitable home and to be nearer my family. My solicitor will put this to him but I predict he will not agree.

Everyone who has made comments I thank you all - your advice has has been a lot of support and I will keep updating as things unfold! Wish me luck!

gratefulforhelp_2

DigitalJedi wrote: »

Like you I got to the point where I wanted a fresh start so I upped the offer just to get rid of her. It was literally the only thing in my life causing aggro so I decided months of fighting just wasn't worth it.

I did this too, best £15k ever spent.

OP so sorry to hear of your daughter's illness, and I hope you are going to complain to the "complaints partner" of your original solicitor's firm (they all have one).

Fang_3

9shell wrote: »

Thanks Fang - He is on benefits so CSA not applicable!

Anyway - saw solicitor today and she said ideally ancillary relief should have been applied for within 3 yrs of divorcing. I didnt realise there was a time limit and my solicitor at the time failed to inform me of this fact. So anyone out there in a similar situation reading this please do not delay make sure you get your ancillary applications underway asap.

I explained to my solicitor that things were difficult at the time as I was going through a very complicated and stressful custody battle with him and the last thing I wanted was to start another battle with ancillary matters due to the fact he was'nt working anyway.

The situation now is that we have got the ball rolling she will notify him of my intentions to resolve issues with the house. Let battle commence! This is the last hold he has over me he has made our lives a total misery for many years and has controlled me by causing intentional and deliberate hardship. He knows the children are my world, I have thought tooth and nail to keep the roof over my childrens heads whilst he did everything he could to make us lose everything out of spite and we came close.

Now my daughter is unwell as I mentioned before and we need to move anyway to a more suitable home and to be nearer my family. My solicitor will put this to him but I predict he will not agree.

Everyone who has made comments I thank you all - your advice has has been a lot of support and I will keep updating as things unfold! Wish me luck!

Still go through the CSA. They will take (I think it's) £5 from his benefits. At least it will be something and then should his income go up, you'll have a claim already set up. And you'll be able to get arrears. If nothing else it will cause him problems.

belfastgirl23

Good for you! Keep posting and let us know how you get on.

9shell

Fang wrote: »

Still go through the CSA. They will take (I think it's) £5 from his benefits. At least it will be something and then should his income go up, you'll have a claim already set up. And you'll be able to get arrears. If nothing else it will cause him problems.

Thank you! He will certainly begrudge it the Scrooge that he is - nasty man he bedgrudges us every penny...my mother kindly lent me her car a life line so to help out due to our daughters mobility problems and he recently suggested we sell that if we need money.

And then the lowlife ungratefully sprouts "she" meaning my mother, should help, its her daughter (me) after all, to which my son duely pointed out to him that perhaps he should give some of that advice to himself!

I have advised my children not to waste their precious breaths trying to reason with him and not to listen when he starts to wallow in his own self pity. To this bitter man our misery is his gain and it hurts him to see us get on!

Sorry about my rant but I needed to let it out! thanks for listening.

9shell

Finally we have a court date pending to hopefully resolve division of our home. It has taken this long due to his unreasonable behavior by that I mean he doesnt respond to letters stops taking his antipsychotic meds so he becomes ill ends up under section 3 becomes obstructive again and again. Meanwhile he still does not contribute to his childrens welfare needs. Our daughter who is chronically unwell with multiple health issues is suffering needless repercussions due to his selfish conduct and now the endowment which is in joint names has reached maturity and he refuses to sign on the dotted line breaching our original aggreement 25yrs ago. I'm stuck with the mortgage experiencing hardship while he plays these stupid games and my solicitor tells me to sit tight and wait. I am so angry and frustrated I need to reserve my energy for my child I want to scream.

9shell

Hello everyone due to my ex being sectioned several times our affairs are taking a long time, I just wondered if I can run this by you and would be very grateful for your views please.

Had appointment with solicitor today regarding the E form and while going through it we discussed my ex husband's zero input zero maintenance over the 25yr period. I have hard evidence about his compulsive gambling and documentation to back up all the contributions made by me and my family, in fact for 7 years my dad took responsibility of our mortgage out of concern for our welfare when we were threatened with repossession while my ex was not interested in the least about his children's livelihoods, now he has come sniffing around for a share of the property and as I said in my ealier posts that he is only on there in name has not put a paid anything. I asked her at which point will we bring all the facts to the attention of the Judge, I am concerned that she did not seem too interested and was almost dismissive about his bad behaviour. If his actions have been so detremental to our welfare that has had a knock on affect financially to all concerned surely am I right in thinking that the Judge want to consider these facts? My solicitor has not filled me with much faith and at the moment I am very concerned that he will unjustly gain more that he deserves.

belfastgirl23

9shell wrote: »

Hello everyone due to my ex being sectioned several times our affairs are taking a long time, I just wondered if I can run this by you and would be very grateful for your views please.

Had appointment with solicitor today regarding the E form and while going through it we discussed my ex husband's zero input zero maintenance over the 25yr period. I have hard evidence about his compulsive gambling and documentation to back up all the contributions made by me and my family, in fact for 7 years my dad took responsibility of our mortgage out of concern for our welfare when we were threatened with repossession while my ex was not interested in the least about his children's livelihoods, now he has come sniffing around for a share of the property and as I said in my ealier posts that he is only on there in name has not put a paid anything. I asked her at which point will we bring all the facts to the attention of the Judge, I am concerned that she did not seem too interested and was almost dismissive about his bad behaviour. If his actions have been so detremental to our welfare that has had a knock on affect financially to all concerned surely am I right in thinking that the Judge want to consider these facts? My solicitor has not filled me with much faith and at the moment I am very concerned that he will unjustly gain more that he deserves.

Sorry to hear this is still dragging on. I don't think I can say much except to reiterate what I said before - if you don't have faith in your solicitor then take alternative advice. I'm not sure whether the factors that you have outlined here are relevant in these kind of settlements and unless someone here is a family court solicitor or judge they probably won't either. You can get a free half hour consultation with many solicitors - why not give it a try?