Dividing matrimonial home-fresh start please help!

9shell

My husband and I divorced 10yrs ago after suffering a breakdown due to his gambling and abuse.
I stayed in the jointly owned matrimonial home with our two children, now 14 and 22 yrs old.
He negleted to make any contributions for the upkeep of our family and homethroughout our marraige and has failed to do so since. as far as he was concerned he would rather have seen us on the streets.
I struggeld to maintain and keep the roof over our heads my family members stepped in many times when I couldnt meet payments and we got close to losing our home.

He continues to have a gambling addiction -still refuses to take any responsiblity for his youngest child and he also suffers with a serious mental disorder for which he has been sectioned several times when he stops taking his medication.

He wants 50% of the matrimonial home when the time comes. the thought of him waiting for his share is mentally wearing me down at the same time I dont feel I am free from him until the house matter is dealt with.

There is 200k equity and 40k mortgage. The question is how much will he be awarded in a settlement is it worth selling and giving him his share?
He is currently living in rented accommodation and claming benefits allowance. He is unlikely to work as this suits him fine.

Any advice please I am so desparate and do need a fresh start. Thank you.

DigitalJedi

You need to contact a solicitor about this. Much depends on what was agreed at time of divorce.

The facts are that you can't sell without his signature unless you go to court. That will cost you a good few thousand. The fact he is a gambler, irresponsible etc are all irrelevant in a court.

I don't think anyone on an Internet forum could give you any meaningful estimate.

Why on earth have you left it ten years before dealing with this? I'd have thought this should have been dealt with as part of the divorce settlement.

Oldernotwiser

9shell wrote: »

There is 200k equity and 40k mortgage. The question is how much will he be awarded in a settlement is it worth selling and giving him his share?
He is currently living in rented accommodation and claming benefits allowance. He is unlikely to work as this suits him fine.

Point out to him that any money over 16,000 will stop all his benefits and anything between 6,000 and 16,000 will see them reduced. He may not be so keen to get his share then!

9shell

DigitalJedi wrote: »

Why on earth have you left it ten years before dealing with this? I'd have thought this should have been dealt with as part of the divorce settlement.

At the time of separation my solicitor advised that I should deal with the house later, the main priority was to protect the children as their father was ill advisedly fighting to have custody, even though he was incapable of caring for them due to his mental illness.

This took up a lot of time and energy both of which my ex has plenty of, to fight against something is part and parcel of his disorder and when it was finally over I couldnt bring myself to start a new battle for the house.

DigitalJedi

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

Point out to him that any money over 16,000 will stop all his benefits and anything between 6,000 and 16,000 will see them reduced. He may not be so keen to get his share then!

LOL really? I would put money on the fact he is postively rubbing his hands with glee at the thought of getting £100k for nothing.

At which point he'll gamble, drink and !!!!! it all away over a few months then be back at the dole office stating his benefit "rights".


9Shell, I'm not a solicitor but now you are divorced I fear this may be classed now as a conveyancing matter rather than matrimonial. That means the fact you have the kids to raise, his behaviour etc will not be taken into account. If I am right, what would be taken into account is simply who put what into the house.

So you will have to take him to court to get a court order compelling him to sell up. You will either have to sell the house or buy him out. You will have to argue what his "share" is by proving what you put in after the marriage and what he has not.

I doubt he will get 50-50 but depending on how long you were married, he will get something.

A few years ago when I was faced with a vindictive ex who was refusing to let me sell the house unless I paid her what she put in. Something a tad unrealistic given house prices had fallen. My solicitor estimated taking her to court would cost me £7-£8k. The process would take months and ofc no guarantees that I would win. My ex was on legal aid so it was no skin off her nose.

Like you I got to the point where I wanted a fresh start so I upped the offer just to get rid of her. It was literally the only thing in my life causing aggro so I decided months of fighting just wasn't worth it.

What I would do in your shoes is see a good solicitor, see exactly where you stand and then consider making him an offer to get rid of him quick. Worst he can do is say no.

paddy's_mum

I know it will mean more expense but I don't think you can, in safety, do anything without solid legal advice.

As a second step, I would suggest that you check very carefully through your divorce papers to see whether the question of the house did have recommendations made as part of the financial 'sorting out'.

A relative of mine separated from her partner and a deal was thrashed out via the respective solicitors that when the younger child reached 18, his father would get £30k out of the equity of the house. He was also ordered to pay £200 a month child maintenance.

Fast forward a few years and the situation now is that his share of the equity has been reduced to £20k in lieu of the maintenance he didn't bother to pay, though he finds the money for flashy motorbikes and trips abroad! The changes to his share have been recorded at the Land Registry and at the rate he's going, by the time that 18th birthday rolls around, the mother won't owe him a penny.

I cannot imagine for one moment that a Divorce Court judge will order the sale and you to gracefully give him a large amount of cash while not bothering to notice that for 10 years you have struggled on alone, without a penny of maintenance from your ex husband. You need a solicitor, sooner rather than later. Good luck.

Oldernotwiser

DigitalJedi wrote: »

LOL really? I would put money on the fact he is postively rubbing his hands with glee at the thought of getting £100k for nothing.

At which point he'll gamble, drink and !!!!! it all away over a few months then be back at the dole office stating his benefit "rights".
.

If he gets through the money like this it'll be seen as deprivation of capital and he'll be assessed as if he still had the money and will receive no benefits.

For both your sakes, you really need to make sure he understands this.

GotToChange

I for one can understand why you would have put this off and yet at the same time the thought of it nags away at you over the course of time.

It is unusual for the ancilliary matters to be dealt with separately from the divorce but not unheard of.

I would think it is not quite right somehow to actually put figures to what he is "entitled" to, given the quite dramatic fluctuations in the property market. Have you paid the mortgage yourself over all these years? This will need to be taken into account/offset against what he thinks he is due to. A percentage of equity/profit should be the best [for him] case scenario - not a set amount and such percentage should reflect the fact that he has done naff all financially over all these years...

It's hard I know but facts and figures will help you through this (chances are that a judge will take no notice of his mental health or destructive behaviour); do your sums, get it all down on paper and seek some professional advice. It is possible that you could have to "pay" (at some distant point in the future) some amount of money to him but there are ways that it can be minimised. (I have been on the other side of this situation so know that it is possible.)

Chin up and stay strong.



Edited to add: Just re-read your original post - he will not get 50%, that's certain. Not a snowball's chance in Hell. (Stoopid man.)

chesky369

So, the consensus appears to be that you need legal assistance for this. DON'T put it off any longer - have you made a solicitor's appointment yet?

9shell

DigitalJedi wrote: »

Why on earth have you left it ten years before dealing with this? I'd have thought this should have been dealt with as part of the divorce settlement.

Seems ridiculous I agree, years have been spent in limbo land with regards to the house problem as I just found it hard to summon the energy to tackle this issue, partly because its been knocked out of me by an irrational and extremely unreasonable ex - he on the other hand gets charged up on negative energy and the more grief he causes.

...However, I finally made the dreaded call to my divorce lawyer to guage the house situation - he didnt really fill me with much hope, advised that I let "sleeping dogs lie" as dispite my ex's total lack of contributions and deprivation , and my sole upwards and onwards struggles the likelyhood is that he will be entitled to a share and we may be left too short to get back on the property market.

When I asked him if part of ex's share should or could have been implemented as a maitenance order somewhere along the line he said this wouldn't be possible due to ex not being in employment and suggested that had we been in rented accommodation I still would have been paying rent for the children and myself.

I don't know if I was left more confused or more determined after the call, still trying to work it out - perhaps I will speak to another solicitor. I got the feeling I was being fobbed off !

diable

Go and see a Solicitor get a final settlement and tell him to take a running jump remembering to include any backdated maintenance that is owed to you.

Failing that sell the house and tell him that you gambled the money away in a casino, best of luck.