Dividing matrimonial home-fresh start please help!

9shell

diable wrote: »

Go and see a Solicitor get a final settlement and tell him to take a running jump remembering to include any backdated maintenance that is owed to you.

Failing that sell the house and tell him that you gambled the money away in a casino, best of luck.

Absolutley hillarious! Hyperthetically play him at his own game - a case of the worm has turned! Not a bad idea!!

belfastgirl23

Well three things occur to me.

First thing is I would be putting in place a mortgage payment holiday NOW if your mortgage company allows it and starting to put the mortgage money into savings - why throw good money after bad! this is assuming he gets a proportion of the equity.

The second is would you think of keeping on the mortgage and buying him out? If so given that property prices have dropped, this might be a good time to consider a full and final settlement. Maybe for getting the money right now he would take a drop in the amount. I know it would still feel horrible to be handing him over cash but at least it would be settled. Your solicitor's advice might be good but at the same time if this is hanging over your head maybe you want to just get it done with - the emotional stress is something they aren't really trained to take into account.

And on that, the third is in relation to your solicitor. How much faith do you have in them? It might be worth seeing a specialist solicitor who deals in divorce for a second opinion if yours is a generalist who maybe doesn't see this sort of situation that often. If there was violence in the relationship it might be worht asking your local women's aid whether there is a solicitor they particularly encourage their clients to use.

It does feel really unfair.

paddy's_mum

You really should get this sorted out soon. If you leave it another 5 or 6 years, you'll be that much older and closer to retirement.

GotToChange

I don't agree with the Solicitor - sounds a bit of a twazzock to me (I had one the same and ended up reporting him to the Law Society).

"Let sleeping dogs lie" (!!!) Oh OK then.

You need better Legal Advice than this (maybe a female solicitor - I hate to say it but there can be a bit of gender-bias...) - although I do agree that - IF possible - you could try and look into increasing the mortgage to buy the Ex out. Without knowing your full circumstances, it's difficult to know if this is "best"/an option at all... It is very hard to do any of this retrospectively (i.e. he should have been paying maintenance etc etc) and I do hate this argument that "well, you would have had to pay rent" yada yada... (Bl***y Solicitors.)

It's OK for Solicitor to advise (ha!) you as he has, but the fact remains that you 1) Have this hanging over YOUR head - and 2) The Ex is snapping at YOUR heels and regarding you as some kind of cash machine. The Solicitor is many steps removed from the front line and my only surprise is that he is not asking you to instruct him in this for the sake of the £$£$£'s. (Consider that your Ex MAY be able to get legal funding but he will have to have a good case and whatever it costs will be deducted from anything he receives and also LA cases do not attract good work from a Solicitor.)

Good for you for grasping the nettle and making the call - now you're on a roll, start getting your facts (more) in order, including an up-to-date valuation on your property if necessary - and yes, seek a new Solicitor (but not mine :rotfl::rotfl: ).

Here's a hand to hold...
x


(*Apologies to any Solicitors out there for my blanket denegration but I honesty was well and truly bittten; I am in a good place to highlight the pitfalls...)

chesky369

Change your solicitor immediately.

9shell

Thanks everyone for all help.
Recently diagnosed my daughter is not well at the moment and needs long term medical care. I am really worried about her and everything else has pailed into insignifigance. Although I feel desparately sad that I have not managed to give her nice things and treats over the years just led a simple life hand to mouth due to lack of finances. I feel very guilty now she is unwell.
It makes me want to sell the damn house without his consent and release some of the equity to enable me to do more things for my children. Its been such a struggle and this house has been burdening.

pigpen

you need to see a solicitor but if you can PROVE he has paid nothing he is entitled to 50% of the profit which would have been made had you sold your home the DAY HE LEFT!!!!! so if it was worth £150k with £90k mortgage he gets £30k.

He is not entitled to half the current value!!

9shell

pigpen wrote: »

you need to see a solicitor but if you can PROVE he has paid nothing he is entitled to 50% of the profit which would have been made had you sold your home the DAY HE LEFT!!!!! so if it was worth £150k with £90k mortgage he gets £30k.

He is not entitled to half the current value!!

Thank you for your reply. Well, he, ex, has been on benefits all his adult life and his child support contributions are nil. All the mortgage payments, mortgage arrear payments, endowment policy payments etc have come out of my account apart from a period when my dear dad made payments to help out from his account. Is this proof enough I wonder?

Im also scared to issue proceedings as once I do it could snowball into a win win situation for the acting solicitors as I am fully aware my husband will not give up without a fight and will mercilessly eat into the house.

chesky369

By starting over with a new solicitor you are not necessarily 'issuing proceedings' as you call it, but finding out what you can expect if you do. You can't keep on in a situation of ignorance and guesswork.

paddy's_mum

But isn't it the case that in your mind he is already mercilessly eating into the [value of] the house?

He won't be entitled to any more or any less because you sit on your hands for another five years, will he, since it is all pro rate?

For understandable reasons, you are doing a very good imitation of an ostrich but you seem unable to accept that a court will consider very deeply the contributions of both parties, your needs and most importantly, the needs of your child. If he's been on benefits all his adult life, do you think a Judge won't be able to work out that he's a bad bet for making maintenance payments and order all or most of the house to pass to you?

Look, use a bit of logic here. Is it better to be in the driving seat, as it were, where you instruct a solicitor and things work to a timetable that suits you rather than wait for perhaps years more, perched like a sitting duck to be shot at whenever your husband wishes it?

What pleasure or relief are you getting when you live a life in which every letter through the letterbox might be the beginning of the end, where every knock on the door could be a process server handing you documents.

All you're doing is putting off the inevitable. That can't be comfortable, surely?

You need to find a good solicitor, and soon, in order to put all this fear and dread where it belongs - in the past!