Dividing matrimonial home-fresh start please help!

9shell

You need to find a good solicitor, and soon, in order to put all this fear and dread where it belongs - in the past!

I finally saw a solicitor and explained the reasons why I felt it only fair and necessary for the future benefit of myself and my children that the house although in joint names be transfered over to me.

I also explained the difficult circumstances of past marrital life and current problems resulting from ex's intentional lack of support, irresponsible ongoing gambling and money frittering to the detrement of his children etc etc.
It all came out and I felt such an idiot-having burried it for so long, reminded of everything I have put up with.

Anyway the solicitor advised she is unable to give me likely outcome yet until she has all the relevant financial details by way of something called an 'E' form.

On telling her the only asset is our joint, home I then remembered that my husband had inheritant land impending, which was divided to four pieces all worth £60k each and given to three of his siblings. His share was cleverly hidden and never transfered to him when his family caught wind that we were separating.

I explained my concerns that if our case becomes long and contentious it will cost more money therefore I would prefer not to involve this land, which by the way is abroad, she said it is relevant as if we can prove it is his, things could tip the balance in my favour.

My ex has now become very agitated having heard that I wish to resolve the house issue, he has thrown a spanner in the works and suggested that we transfer the matrimonial home to the children rather than risk me getting any of it. Stupid man fails to realise that if it wasn't for me there would be no house to fight over.

My solicitor does not think this approach is a good idea as it could open up future problems and she doubts that the Judge would agree to such a proposal.

I feel that this is the last hold he has over me an extremely unreasonable man he will cut off his nose to spite his face.
I don't want to be pressured into something that may store up problems later on therefore I need to think very carefully about my next move.

Hopfully my solicitor is on the ball its difficult to gauge from one meeting she has suggested several approaches one being mediation which I think is a no no or a letter to him.

Thanks to everyone and I will keep you all updated!

paddy's_mum

I'm so pleased to hear that you've been to a solicitor. If nothing else, confession is good for the soul.

Maybe that sherry I had with lunch was more alcoholic than I gave it credit for but I don't quite understand what you mean when you say your ex-husband has "suggested that I give my share up to the children".

Your share of what? - the former matrimonial home, any backlog of maintenance/mortgage payments, a claim on the land he has inherited?

9shell

paddy's_mum wrote: »

Maybe that sherry I had with lunch was more alcoholic than I gave it credit for but I don't quite understand what you mean when you say your ex-husband has "suggested that I give my share up to the children". ?

Thanks Paddy's mum.
Sorry I can see how it wasn't clear and have corrected it - I was refering to the matrimonial home, ex said he is wants to make some sort of aggreement whereby instead of me getting the house which he is dead against, the children have it. In other words both our share go to the children.

Dave_liverpool

9shell wrote: »

Thanks Paddy's mum.
Sorry I can see how it wasn't clear and have corrected it - I was refering to the matrimonial home, ex said he is wants to make some sort of aggreement whereby instead of me getting the house which he is dead against, the children have it. In other words both our share go to the children.

NO!
He should give his share to the kids but not yours! You maintain it, pay for it and then he has a say in who owns it! Nope nada and not a chance.

A friend is going through similar and her ex has never paid a bean towards raising his kids and now thinks (and fully expects) her to sell the 'matrimonial' home and give him half! Youngest child is 16, last month, but is going to 6th form in Sept.

tanith

I haven't read all the thread just wonder if its been suggested you buy him out for just below the threshold that he would lose his benefit? He might snatch your hand off at the thought of £15k...

9shell

Dave_liverpool wrote: »

NO!
He should give his share to the kids but not yours! You maintain it, pay for it and then he has a say in who owns it! Nope nada and not a chance.

A friend is going through similar and her ex has never paid a bean towards raising his kids and now thinks (and fully expects) her to sell the 'matrimonial' home and give him half! Youngest child is 16, last month, but is going to 6th form in Sept.

I agree, that would be the sensible thing to do but he is not a rational person. His goal in life is to cause problems to make me suffer and he cannot see past that or the fact that this in turn effects our children.

I wish your friend luck its not easy bringing up a family whilst dealing with the repercussions of a bitter unreasonable ex. Hopefully she has a good solicitor who will help her get a fair result in her favour. Please keep me posted.

9shell

tanith wrote: »

I haven't read all the thread just wonder if its been suggested you buy him out for just below the threshold that he would lose his benefit? He might snatch your hand off at the thought of £15k...

If only- that would be too easy! He is too stubborn to accept such an offer and would rather go down fighting even if its for all the wrong reasons especially where I am concerned. This is partly to do with his character (personality disorder).

paddy's_mum

So get the E form done and let the solicitor assess the situation in the light of more accurate information. This problem isn't going to go away, as you have realised, and the sooner you know what's what, the happier I'm sure you'll be. I believe that you must deal with this soon, while your younger child (aged 14) is still under the age of majority and whose needs therefore must come into the equation.

Have you or your solicitor considered zapping in an application for maintenance for the child, and indeed for yourself? This may well amount to such a large amount that it effectively offsets any equity in the house. You cannot afford to miss a trick and I wonder if you have some trustworthy relative or friend who would come with you to the solicitor and take notes, so that if you are agitated or upset, you miss nothing.

I cannot agree that the property should be gifted to the children. That way lies such danger, as your solicitor has realised. What happens if you agree and then older child starts down the route of drugs/dereliction and wants you out? Or if, in a few years, the younger sires three children on a slattern and insists that the little family are coming to live in 'his' house whether you like it or not? What happens if they own your home, and one of them dies young (God forbid) and leaves his share to an outsider?

I strongly suspect that your solicitor will arrange to get this suggestion in writing from your ex-husband and use the fact against him. Kinda hard to convince a judge that you need and must have the house (or its value) when you were only last week willing to give it away. I also believe that no judge will fail to realise the hatred for you that lies behind the suggestion - anyone can have it so long as you are deprived of it!

It sounds to me as though you have picked an on-the-ball solicitor and hopefully you are now on the road to getting yourself sorted and obtaining come-uppance for this sorry excuse for a husband Keep your chin up and keep us posted, please.

9shell

Thank you paddy's mum you have raised some very interesting points and have a way with turning a negative into a possible positive giving me food for thought.

I've been mentally grinded down by the situation for so long that sometimes I fail to see the obvious and I am very grateful that people like yourself on this forum without all the emotional baggage see through the weeds and come up with such helpful suggestions.

This forum is a huge relief at the moment thanks to everyone - I will keep you posted.

Steel_2

Is your ex some form of sociopath, such as a narcissist? I thought so from an earlier post when you mentioned he gets off on negative energy and creating trouble.

Then you mentioned a personality disorder...

You can't miss a trick with these people. They make it their mission in life to confuse and destroy your self-esteem. They enjoy the power.

However, the good news is, they are so convinced of their own brilliance and immortality they usually trip over their own feet! You wouldn't believe the amount of trouble my father - The Narc - has landed himself in because of his own stupidity, daft decisions and big mouth...

...with any luck your ex will be floundering with his mouth yapping incriminating rubbish in no time at all...