Great 'Best Cold Caller Rebukes' Hunt

rhuallan

My favouite is to act confused -
caller -'is that Mrs Rhuallan'?
me - who are you?
caller - my name is Bob (yeah?)
me - do I know you?
caller - No, I am caling from a company caled 24705hyowi
me - who?
caller - 24705hyowi
me - oh?
Caller - start spiel, but I interupt
me - do I know you?
caller - no, my name is Bob
me - who?
caller I am calling about... (I interupt)
me - who are you?? (inject hysterical tone now, not too much yet) Are you watching me? Are you outside??? OMG who are you?????
caller - (trying to calm me) don't worry madam, I am not watrching you, I am.... (interupt here and repeat last rant with more feeling).
caller - please don't worry,....... (interupt again with gusto this time)
and repeat as required.

Usually that's the last you'll here of that caller and their company, I have resorted to an odd sob of dispair in the middle - as I disguise a snigger!:T

Sylvan

Our problem is that it is actually the previous owner that is on all the databases.

We had calls from the same kitchen/bathroom/conservatories etc company every month or so for over a year, despite asking them every time to remove us from their database because the lady they were calling was dead and we weren't interested. In the end I pretended to be a senile old lady, allowed them to persuade me I needed a great deal of work done, and then let them down very hard. They haven't called since (at least 6 months):D

Everest were eventually dissuaded by the "customer being attacked by a knife-wielding intruder half way through the conversation" act (The salesman rudely put the phone down on me ).

We still get a lot of calls from foreign call centres, who are often almost impossible to understand and have never heard of the TPS.
The worst was an Indian man who called every day for over a week, despite my diminishing politeness/escalating rudeness. The only thing that got rid of him was a spectacularly insulting rant in an atrocious Indian accent. I'm not proud of that one, but it did work, and it was his own fault.

How can they not understand that if you've said "No" 8 times you're not suddenly going to change your mind on the 9th occasion?

amgard_2

When the (usually) foreign call centre asks if I have a few minutes to undergo a survey I say "No", but inevitably they keep on, ignoring my answer.

At this point I say "If you can't hear my answers there is no point continuing - Bye!"

prowla

I say "Are you going to ask me for money, or to subscribe to anything that costs me money, because I don't have any?".
Likewise to doorknockers I politely but firmly say "I won't give you any money and I am not interested in discussing religion".
If any of them persist, then I refer them back to what I said.
I also had someone from UNICEF approach me in the street where I told them I didn't have any money; they went through their routine and said it would only cost so much a week; I said I didn't have any money, they said but I could surely spare so much a week, to which I replied that I was unemployed with a family of five to support and no I couldn't spare it.

Lexxi

OH gave one poor survey guy his lifes (sob) story. 'Smoking ban has killed the pub trade, beer tax is too high, rates are too high, tax is too high and the petrol is through the roof can't go out anymore, used to have 14 employees now it's just two of us, working 18 hours a day' When the guy managed to get off the phone OH said 'I think he's going to send us money he felt that bad' Don't want to know what the poor guy was surveying! :rotfl:

Orlaith85

Why does everyone get so annoyed at getting calls?

mrsfrench

I have a few tactics:

Home Improvement calls usually elicit the response 'Oh, I work for Rival Company - can you give me a quick run down of your prices?'

Foreign call centres are usually 'No, you can't speak to mrsfrench, she's not here and I'm just burgling the place'

Occasionally a nice Indian chap tries to get me to take out a new mobile phone. I just explain to him that I have no friends to call, I have no family left, I don't go out, I don't speak to anyone - in fact he's the first person I've spoken to in MONTHS, would he be my friend........

sobia_2

I live with my partner & his brother, cold caller asks to speak to the homeowner, my bro-in-law answers & yes your speaking to the home owner the guy goes through his whole speech only for my bro-in-law to intrupt him & say if he holds on he'll pass the phone to the home owner, the phone gets passed through the family like this until the cold caller hangs up, usually works a treat! lol

redux

n.b. the bored and supercilious tone of voice of this caller just can't be adequately described

Hello, this is Ipsos Mori. You may have heard of our opinion polls. We need a few minutes of your time.

Need? What for?

We need to ask you some questions.

How long for?

About 20 or 30 minutes.

How much do you pay?

I'm sorry?

How much do you pay?

I'm sorry, we can't offer to pay people.

Well, I have to go out to work. If your need is desperate enough to delay that and force me to give you ten or thirty quids worth of my or someone else's time, but you couldn't even be arsed to introduce yourself politely and explain what it's about first or say please, and are charging this work out at much higher rates than I'm earning, where do I send the bill to?

[splutter] Sorry, we don't pay people. I've never heard of such a daft idea. Most people enjoy answering our questions. Can we call you back at another time, when you're having a better day?

I suggest you learn to acquire a bit of diplomacy instead of patronising me like it's you doing me a favour, instead of the other way round. Don't waste my time. Or I will send you a bill. Now p1ss off. And don't call back.

Lugh_Chronain

You may have noticed I’ve press most people’s thanks button, not least because they might be effective but more because they are very amusing. But if they work then fantastic!

andrewjf wrote: »

Additionally, inform them that they are breaking the law by calling you as a registered TPS member. Demand the company's contact details and tell them you are going to report them to OFCOM, and they should expect a hefty fine. I find this normally stops them dead in their tracks. Have to say though, I rarely receive cold calls now I'm TPS registered. It's very effective.

All thought they may, and have on occasions, hang up, this doesn't always deter them from calling back. And I think Sylvan has pointed out one reason why, but I’m sure that’s not the only one though as cold callers can be very persistent.

mulli8au wrote: »

say nothing --- and just listen . It drives them crazy. and then they hang up. No more calls from them

I must remember this one.

scotsbob wrote: »

I use the Anti Telemarketing counter script.
It can be found here

http://www.xs4all.nl/~egbg/counterscript.html

This one I've bookmarked, in fact I may even print it out and leave it by the phone.

Orlaith85 wrote: »

Why does everyone get so annoyed at getting calls?

If your expecting an important call - my mum was quite ill recently and my sisters were keeping in touch to let us know what the situation was with her.

Or if you’re working nights. I have to unhook the phone due to unsolicited phone calls whenever I work nights which means I may even miss those important phone calls.