how many chances do you give grandparents?

vaio

I don’t agree with it but I san “see” how pressure from a new gf might stop a weak father from seeing his kids.

I can’t see how grandparents would stop though. All mine are still with both parents but if they weren’t and any of mine tried to pressure me into not seeing GKs there would be trouble.

earthmother

atwitsend wrote: »

I know its gonna sound harsh and horrible but when I move later this year I am so tempted to not tell them my new address

It sounds totally understandable - we had the same feelings - but whatever occurs, you cannot be seen to be, even slightly, 'the bad guy' in this, otherwise it will come back to bite you when the kids are older and start to ask probing questions or get in contact with that side again ("we really wanted to see you but your mum didn't tell us where you were" sort of thing).

atwitsend_2

earthmother wrote: »

It sounds totally understandable - we had the same feelings - but whatever occurs, you cannot be seen to be, even slightly, 'the bad guy' in this, otherwise it will come back to bite you when the kids are older and start to ask probing questions or get in contact with that side again ("we really wanted to see you but your mum didn't tell us where you were" sort of thing).

yep totally!

Savvy_Sue

Given that the OP is still in touch with SIL, even it's only occasional / via Facebook, I don't think I would be giving many more chances, TBH.

It's upsetting to the children if they keep saying how much they miss their grandparents afterwards. And while I don't think you should worry about shielding children from ALL upset, it's hard to know when to stop. It's not as if you can say "well they've said all that before and I think we have to accept nothing's going to come of it" because that too makes you the bad guy, which you are not.

I don't know what I would do, however. Probably, because I feel I write better than I talk, I would write a letter reminding them of what they have SAID and what they have DONE, and say that because of the gap between the two you have taken the difficult decision to write and ask them not to call in with presents and promises of getting in touch they don't intend to keep.

I MIGHT even tell them I was moving but to avoid future distress not passing on the address, and you could remind that that you are still in touch with their daughter should they need to contact you in future. However my worry with TELLING them I was moving would be that your ex would be round within 10 minutes, shouting the odds and saying you have no right to do this ...