'Settled down, engaged, married, kids... then what?' blog discussion

ThinkingOfLinking

Mandypops, I completely agree with you.

jet9cat

Hi everyone

I've found all the comments on here re having babies or not very interesting as both sides are very valid.
I got married at 19 so had the question about when I was going to hear the patter of tiny feet from an early stage. However, when I explained I have never wanted children - like another poster I've always known it just wasn't for me - I then got the question why? I've always found this puzzling as I have never known anyone be asked why they DID want kids. Why do I have to explain my decision not to have them when no-one has to explain their decision to have them?
I can also see how offensive the question of when you are having children can be to anyone trying unsuccessfully so I agree with those posters who think questions of this sort ought to be banned!

Paulgonnabedebtfree

I'm 52 and never get asked when I'm going to get married as I imagine people assume I am already. Being alive isn't all about being married and having kids just because most others seem to do it.
I suppose the next questions will be "when you going to draw your pension?", "have you had your fibre today?", and "do you want to be burnt or buried?" .
Until then, I'm going to be as happy as possible whether or not that's in a committed relationship.
I even had one elderly neighbour telling people I was gay because I didn't have a girlfriend for a while and because I sometimes received visits from (male) friends. She was in her 90s though so I didn't bother telling her to get a life.

nearlyrich

People don't ask me stupid questions like that, my DD gets when are you moving out, we are happy for her to stay as long as she wants to, she is saving for a deposit on a house ( along with buying shoes).

Having done the married, children, diviorced, married again bit my next big thing is retiring early and travelling to as many places as we can whilst we are fit enough to enjoy it.

metalgal

My DD is nearly 7 months and already the "whens the next one?" has been happening. My sister was tortured after the birth of my child, she is 10 years older, newly married and trying and everyone was asking her when she was going to have one, she is pregnant now but the pressure put under her. Especially as she had been trying for two years.

People also ask me when im going back to work. Im not, im going to uni in september, so i can get a good job and my husband can be a stay at home dad. The shocks that gets! He does actually want to be a stay at home dad, i don't want to be a stay at home mum so it works for us.

I have an elderly aunt who is catholic and can't understand how i plan to wait 5 years before having another child. I daren't mention the "C" word to her. (contraception)

When i was at my sisters wedding last year and 7 months pregnant i was over seeing my new sister in laws twin boys. A friend of my BIL's family came over and started talking to me about the boys. She then asked me when i was planning to have children. I said 13th August. She didn't realise i was pregnant!! At 7 months!!! Did she think i was that shape naturally??

Arthurian

But some people are. Another of those sensitive topics to be approached with the utmost caution, I think. Never, ever assume a woman is pregnant unless you can actually see the baby emerging.

squidworth

divorce

then as soon as she's got all your money, house, everything you've ever worked for she'll dump the kids on you and p*ss off to enjoy herself leaving you broke and having to raise the kids, and you'll still be regarded as the bad one - its the law in this country and there's nothing you can do about it so tough

no wonder there are so many single older women in this country, they're only interested in what they can milk you for and now there's no mugs left that will touch em

girlatplay

My friend and her husband tried for about 8 years before their first child came along (with the help of IVF). People used to ask her all the time when they would be having children. My heart used to break for her because I knew her struggle and her pain but she would just smile and say "ooh, in time, in time". I lost two babies before I had my beautiful daughter, one before the all important 12 week scan and one after! People are so nosey.

Now I'm a single parent with a 9 year old and people are asking me (not necessarily in this order) when I will settle down again (what? after years of physical and mental abuse from my ex-partner - why would I want to put myself through something like that again???) if I will have anymore children (I'm a single parent of one, why would I choose to be a single parent of two?) do you ever see your daughter's dad (everytime I close my eyes).

It would just be nice if people minded their own business sometimes or at least thought before they spoke.

savingholmes

are you having another
are their names down at the right school
what out of school activities have you go them enrolled in
how much pocket money do they get
what does the tooth fairy pay
how much do you spend on xmas / birthday for them
holidays
what high school are they going to - why
are your kids dating anyone yet
did you get a payrise / promotion
have you started saving for univeristy / them getting married / them setting up home etc
how's your pension / life assurance / health care

and that's just my mother in law LOL