'Settled down, engaged, married, kids... then what?' blog discussion

ashmit

Thank you rosalie-lavender. I'm glad your friend had a baby in the end.

Thank you too EssexHebridean. People are sometimes incredibly rude and condescending to those who choose not to have kids. I hope that between us and our opposite viewpoints we can manage to erase this questioning. The world will be a better place for it.

Thank you for your kind wishes. I hope things work out for us in the future too.

And I hope that people leave you alone and stop with the constant questioning!

kittiej

My what next? is pretty boring really, get out of debt, save up and hopefully one day buy a bungalow, preferably in the middle of nowhere, away from everybody lol.

It probably won't ever happen but at least it's something to think about when I've become fed up with my job and think what's the point of doing this!

Bogof_Babe

Have I missed something? Has Martin become a dad, or dad-to-be? I didn't think he'd have the time! :rotfl:

Since we went on our first holiday for 20 years last year, we are often asked when and where the next one is! Oh and as we have a second home on the north west coast, a common one is "when are you going back up?".

emweaver

I always get asked when are you having another, dont think people ever stop asking when / are you having anymore

As for what have you got to look forward to, watching them grow up, holidays, birthdays, xmas etc with your children then finally grandchildren

Mandypops_2

I just wanted to say thank you to all those who have chosen not to have kids and have left messages that have made me laugh and feel I'm not alone!

I don't want to get too serious here, but it is something that from time to time I cry over - I feel I am so worthless in other people's eyes simply because I don't want children (and of course, if I had children, I would STILL be worthless, but the CHILDREN would be important so that's ok... !?!).

Since the age of 25, I've felt worse every year, because another year of being pounded with, not only direct questions from people, but also messages from society/the media, has gone by... and yet each year, I want kids even LESS!

I actually find it really distressing and upsetting... not just annoying.

I really feel it would be easier if I just gave in and had kids... but it would be the end of my life, the end of my hopes and dreams, and everything gone down the toilet and replaced with a life of domestic drudgery and boredom. I know it sounds extreme, but I really feel I would rather die than have children... really!

Why do people have to force the life they have chosen on everyone else? For those who can't have/are trying for children, I'm sure life would be a lot easier if everyone else didn't make out that a life without children is "empty, unfulfilled, etc"... after all, it's also cleaner, quieter and more financially viable (we are on a money-saving website!!!).

I just hope that one day I can find a perfect man who isn't looking for a baby machine, and we can go and live a wild life together and the rest of the world can go to hell!!! :j

Lubo27

Being a mother of 3 boys I am constantly being asked if I will have another one & hopefully get a girl.

I always feel that when I am out people look at me and feel sorry for me and I am not just being paranoid. Once I was told it was a shame I didn't have a girl as no mother is complete without a girl. Also once told "whenever I see people like you with two boys already the third was meant to be a girl wasn't it?"

Hands up in the air - I would have been happy to have had a girl but I didn't and I always have to justify my decision to have 3 happy healthy children.

My friends who have had a boy & girl and then have another one get asked "why are you having another one?".

People don't think before they speak & they don't realise that something they say can be hard for someone else to dismiss on their thoughts.

Each to their own I say.

continualdiamond

People drive me mad with asking me questions about this all the time at work.

I just turned 28 three weeks ago and get people asking me when im getting married (cos yes technically i am engaged, but i have no ring anymore due to selling it 2 years ago when OH was unemployed and funds were extremely tight and still cannot afford another one).

So if we cannot afford a new engagment ring, how on earth do people think we can suddenly afford a wedding. I used to get embarassed when people asked why i didn't wear my ring anymore and use to lie, but i got over it and thought sod it, im going to be truthful and tell them why i don't wear it, cos i had to sell it.

I then get 'when are you going to have a baby' or more straight to the point 'you should have a baby, how old are you now'

Its like im an alien just because im 28 and have done neither of these 2 things. I get compared to my younger sister alllll the time, because shes just turned 25 two days ago and has been married for 3 years this August.

People tend to forget very very quickly that i have been with my OH for 10 years this Oct and that i moved from Australia to be with him 7 years ago this April. No one sees that as something amazing...

MothballsWallet

I'm with ScarletBea: I stopped answering those questions years ago.

ThinkingOfLinking

minerva_windsong wrote: »

By the end of the second wedding I was about ready to throttle the next person who said, "It'll be you two next!" :mad:

Wait til some family funeral, find said people, nudge them and say, "It'll be you next" and see how they like it.

Little_Chicken

Mandypops wrote: »

I have NEVER been asked "When are you getting married", "When are you settling down", etc - But from the age of 25, the conversations would go like this;

Person: "Do you have children?"

Me: "No"

Person:"Oh, you don't have any YET" or "Plenty of time left yet, dear"

Me: "I don't want children"

Person: "Oh, you will!" or "DON'T YOU?!?!?!?!?!"

Firstly, I love the idea of making the commitment of marriage to someone I love, one day, and I don't believe in children before marriage, so why is the first question not "Are you married?"? Secondly, I just don't want children - Is that really so odd? - What a dull place the world would be if we all wanted the same thing.
For the last 5 years, I've been made to feel like I'm now no use to the world except as a human growbag. Why aren't people interested in anything else? I spent a year living in Paris - Isn't that interesting? I have a degree in languages - Isn't that interesting? Is it really so hard to understand that babies, nappies, vomit and screaming is just not my bag?!?! To add to that, the human race is killing itself through overpopulation, etc, etc, so why on earth would I think it a good idea to add to that?
A part of me thinks that if I just give into it and have children, people will leave me alone, stop bugging me and I will be accepted as a 'proper' woman - So it's good to see that it seems from your comments that these questions and accusations actually never stop!
I think I'll just carry on being happy and childless!

I get this all the time too and am usually polite, but.... this week someone at work asked why I didn't want children (he has two) and I replied 'I'd rather have a life'. killed the conversation dead...:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: