Ok, it starts here

savingwannabe

I am not a particular fan of the male gender (well apart from Father Christmas and Steve McQueen) but even i admit they get a raw deal. In my old college when i used to ask male colleagues what they were doing in their hols they always ended up decorating in their holiday. Poor things. Sweetie she does appreciate it I am sure. Good luck with Tai Chi, I could jump on trampoline maybe now then too. Good it's a deal, you can destress and i will fit into my skinny jeans. Has Mr W inspired anyone else to exercise?

EEk I forgot I wanted to say that a symptom of depression is being unable to wake up early and most people would have some depression after the tough time you have had. Make sure you tell your wife that, it is a genuine illness with lots of side effects.

williamD1964

Today I mastered the first step. This I will practice for the next few days along with the the second step. This will take some tome, but I feel it is something I must & want to do. The door has been primed, painted and is awaiting the second coat tomorrow afternoon.

I still am getting a nervous feeling on my gut about the level of action the company will take against me. I know I shouldnt worry about things I cannot change, but I am only humane. I have a counselling session tomorrow. I hope to vent a few things there.

Watching Star Trek, with a Magners over ice and belief that somewhere in a parallel universe my other self is happy, content and has what he wants

williamD1964

All. Its been a few days since I last posted. I can only apologise for my absence. I know I have a lot of friends here and I feel that being away from here for too long is not a good idea. As you may well know I have had the last week off from work. I have spent the time trying to keep myself occupied. To this end I have worked hard on the garden. I spent the days digging over the soil, adding manure and ground feed, checking the seedlings in the greenhouse, and trying to keep myself occupied.

The garden is almost ready to take the seeds.

On Wednesday I had a counselling session. I felt really good before and after.

Thursday was a real nightmare. A huge row with the wife. So big I considered walking away from it all. She said she was tired and was going back to bed. I lost it because I hadnt sat down all day, building a frame, door & shelving for the alcove under the stairs. She hadn,t got up til 10, then gone to work for 2 hours then picked the kids up. I asked her how she could be tired and she told me I had done !!!!!! all myself all day anyway. I ended up kicking the cooker in frustation at her attitude and the bloody door exploded. It would have been funny if it wasnt so serious. I cleaned up the mess but the the worse thing is that my daughter heard the bang and came running in and heard my wife and argueing, became upset and began to cry and was almost inconsolable. It took a lot to calm her down and she ended up waking several times throughout the night with nightmares about me leaving.

It has calmed down at home, we are talking now but things are still strained.

I returned to work on sunday, working with a person who took great pleasure in trying to undermine me at every turn. Because I know what he is like, I was able to just stay out of his way for most of the day. Monday should have been atraining day for me. What is called my CDP, (continual development programme) but I woke up at 2am with severe stomach cramps and bad diarrhea and vomiting. I spent the next 4 hours doubled up on the sofa or on the toilet (sorry for being so graphic). I finally fell asleep at 6 o'clock and got the wife to tell work I wouldnt be in. Some have said it might me stress. I think it was a dodgy ham sandwich. Who can tell. I still don't know what sensure I face at work. I still don't know whether I will have a job at the end of this. The stress of that is starting to get to me. I was hoping that I might have had some idea what the fates hold for me by now but I still am in some sort of limbo. Some have said that why would they send me training only to sack me. Unfortunately, the training was booked ages ago. All I can do is wait and see. This is the frustrating part. That and the rumours, lies and hearsay that goes on in a big company. I will be back at work tomorrow. I have a headache now, and should be off to bed.

InaPickle

Go to bed, William, and try to rest if not sleep. The morning will soon be here.

Give your daughter a kiss before you do.

Best of luck tomorrow.

savingwannabe

Oh William you have had a huge dent in your self esteem from work. Take it one day at a time. Just go into work do your thing and leave. Ignore all rumours and hearsay. They are just stirring for the sake of it and it will affect your health if you listen to them, anything they say must be ignored it is schadenfreude pure and simple. You know who your friends are take solace in them at work. Make polite, happy conversation with the nice ones and keep out of the mean people's way. They will move on to someone else. Keep away from anyone with negative energy they are losers and not worth a minute of your time, your thoughts or your energy.

Your body is suffering after all the stress you have gone through in the last few weeks. When you have a rest period and a lull then the symptoms your body has been storing for so long will occur. Make an appointment to see the dr. Please consider some anti depressants. The best way i can describe them is they give you a protective lining and you feel like you are in a safe bubble. Your seratonin levels must have been depleted over the last few months and this final thing at work has just wiped you out mentally and physically. The tablets take about a month to work. They will make you stronger and more able to cope.

I dont know what to say about the home situation I am an old maid person. Maybe someone clever can help. You love each other petal, this is one of those storms and you have to ride it. You love each other it will work out but right now you are in the eye of the storm so just sit tight ok and do not distress yourself or talk yourself into it either.

Dont worry about not writing I am glad you did gardening stuff, it is cathartic. Man and the earth kind of cool.

Anytime you want to sound off we are here. There is an army of people with a wealth of advice. Don't think you are alone. Do not worry about things that have not happened yet. Focus on today and having a calm day at work and getting rid of this bug and spending time with your fab kids.

williamD1964

Good evening all. Training today was cancelled as I had missed yesterdays assessments. So, I was called back to my home station to cover my own shift that hadnt been covered. Was a productive day, loads of defects around the station reported including a couple that could have ended up serious if not tackled immediately. Was working with a few people today that seemed to understand my need to keep busy and to keep my head down. Had a passenger that seemed to want to pick a row with me in front of a manager. All i could do was smile to myself and laugh at his stupidity. His arguement was that as a supervisor of a station, it was my responibilty to let him know personally when his train was cancelled. Not I might add his tube train but his mainline train! I did say to him that I was unaware of the problems today, and, if he wanted to leave his number we would contact him in future. Unfortunately the irony was lost on him.

Also worked three hours overtime to cover for staff shortages...a thing that should remain employed, is something that I fear we will all be doing a lot of.

Boris claims that he can improve services and still cut £7.6 billion! mmmmm

savingwannabe

Mr W, well done on coping with the tribulations of a working day especially when it was supposed to be a training day. Boris is a nob. My friend was at university with him. He presents a bumbling buffoon facade in front of the media. He is a proper Tory. (sorry to be political).

Yay to overtime.

Firewalker

savingwannabe wrote: »

Mr W, well done on coping with the tribulations of a working day especially when it was supposed to be a training day. Boris is a nob. My friend was at university with him. He presents a bumbling buffoon facade in front of the media. He is a proper Tory. (sorry to be political).

Yay to overtime.

Nothing wrong with being political - although the distruction happening is beyond politics.

William, bravo for today - keep going, keep positive, keep engaged. All else will fall into place.

Firewalker

williamD1964

Morning all. Busy day but here is a thought for today:

“There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won’t anymore, and who always will. So don’t worry about people from your past, there’s a reason why they didn’t make it to your future.”

More later

Wordsmith

Everything OK, Mr D?