Ok, it starts here

williamD1964

How do I feel? Nervous! As I have twins, he is only half of a whole! My daughter can read better than he can, and he knows this and makes great efforts to catch up. He is also gets very frustrated with himself if he can't do something straight away. He is very serious about his learning, and like me extremely competitive. As to how I really feel is that I will encourage him (and her) all I can. I could never afford private tutors with this millstone of debt around my neck and again another thing that hurts me. I am not that academically minded, though I don't consider myself a hicko either. I left school with a few gcse's and my wife is technically gifted with graphics design and art, so they come from reasonable stock so to speak.

Sunday roasts are a favourite of mine. Simple, home cooked sunday dinners, memories of a childhood long gone. Does anyone else get moments where you can't see the ligt at the tunnel anymore and you panic. Have had a few of them recently.

savingwannabe

William please do not worry.

I was considered to be bright at school way back in the 1970s. It didnt cost anything to my parents my teachers moved me up two years and i studied with kids who were older than me. Also the headmaster would encourage me to read extra books and i was encouraged to take the 11 plus. That was it really but it was a long time ago.

I didn't feel any different from anyone else. And it was great to stretch my mind. Now i am just like everyone else except slightly bonkers! I treasure my education it has been the only thing that has kept me sane sometimes.

All your son wants is someone that loves him. You do that in bucketloads mate. That is the best start anyone can have in life.

Firewalker

Hey William,

second what SW said but would like to add couple of things. First, tutors are a fashion - don't beat yourself up and keep focused. Second, you asked whether anyone else has moments where they can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. This one is easy - each and everyone of us...But seeing the light all the time is not what counts. What counts, I believe, is to keep going and hope the light will appear again.

I feel very proud of you - as someone who knows what it is to struggle with addictions, I think you are doing really well...

Firewalker

Determined_2b_Debt_Free

Hi William,

Just had a mammoth read of your diary - couldn't tear myself away as I wanted to check you were still doing ok. As others have said you are doing so well with your journey... and lucky you winning a holiday! I think I would have put the phone down I am so suspicious

I really wish you all the best as you seem such a nice person with a fantastic family and you all deserve to have a great future!

*subscribed*

williamD1964

I am sooooooooo bl**dy annoyed with myself. I could scream. I have just realised that I have paid out more than I intended and have left myself perilously close to breaking point this month. I have 22 days till pay day and I have £35 to see me through. Have to pay £ 98 for the kids passports, £70+ for school uniform, then they had a school trip which was another £18. I also have to pay for a weeks school lunches for when we are away.
HOLD FIRE - just been told that me MAY not need passports for the kids. Have to call Flybe tomorrow and conmfirm.

Am really worried about the budget tomorrow. If its as bad as I fear we could go from making slight inroads into the debts to treading water or even worse, battling to stop drowning.

Have not gambled today. Not thinking about gambling. Haven't wanted to. Just wish I could get a break now I am trying to stay clean. Have no work skills that I can transfer to part time work that can bring about a second income. Its at times like these that I hate myself and start beating myself up. Last night I couldnt sleep. finally dropped off about 1ish and woke up at 6am. Asked about the light at the end of the tunnel disappearing? Read somewhere that it hasn't gone out is still there, in fact is the lights of a train heading towards you!

Took the kids straight after school to the park for a picnic, where we played football and looked at a WWII garden. I just wish I could get my beans to grow as well as they have!

I hope all are well.

Firewalker

William,

truth be told, I am slightly concerned about the budget as well but...I seem to be reaching a point of defiance. I refuse to give up - and I know that deep down you probably feel similar. On the matter of skills - when was the last time you questioned whether you have and what skills do you have? Rather than stating that you don't have any...Skills can surprise you and skills can be developed. Is there anything you reallt love doing? Figure it out and it is likely you will be able to build an income using it...People apparently make fortunes by playing computer games - very well.

Chin up - we shall overcome.

Firewalker

savingwannabe

Petal i am still wasting money everyday. I know i am doing it but cannot make myself stop. So much for trying to save.

What we are saying is that we feel the same too. Please dont be too hard on yourself. I liked Firewalker's suggestion of a hobby and using that as a basis for a job. Is it your wife that does Avon could you do that? I dont know if you would consider bar work? or a saturday job in a shop/supermarket so you get discount? I am sure there are things but you are being incredibly hard on yourself.

I hope you feel better. Take some time out and write a list of the good things in your life. It is what i have to do when i feel worried -easier said than done i know.

Good luck poppet.

Firewalker

Thanks, mate - you know what this is about. I intent to ignore - suspect a debt basher picking a fight.

F

williamD1964

Was going to quote "Oh, lord its' hard to be humble, when you're perfect in every way", but couldn't be arsed. People should get off their high horses sometimes...It irritates me to oblivion when I read people on here spouting their B*llsh*t from their perfect worlds. Anyway, enough ranting...

williamD1964

If there is no fool like an old fool, my middle name is Methuselah! Miscalculated the accounts this month, leaving myself perilously close to the edge. 3 weeks to payday, and living on fresh air and vapours. Have to get my head together. Feel so battle weary. Santander have sent me a letter, stating that they have recieved all my paperwork and will let me know whether I can have the card or not.
Also got my bill through from NPower for my gas and electricity. Again, they stated that I was £416 in arrears, and wanted to up my DD to £195 a month. when I spoke to them regarding then cost etc, it appears the monthly bill was calculated at standard rate. When I questioned this and said I was looking to take my business elsewhere, it transpired that they were prepared to offer me a deal that would mean that my monthly bills were actually reduced to £136 a month, including £35 a month to pay off the debit!
Regarding other incomes: I can't get a part time job as I work shifts. I assist the wife with Avon as it is, accounting for about 40% of the current orders. I can't ask for a share of the profits as she doesn't know about the extent of the debt. As for using a hobby to make cash...can internet !!!!!! be classed as a hobby! Sorry, actually have no real hobbys except armchair football and reading. Am scouring the internet for the next big thing but I guess 90% of the country is doing exactly the same. Even if I did find it, I doubt whether I could afford to buy enough stock to make a difference.
Still looking at how much I am going to lose on my working tax credits.
Stay clean people!