Problem with a work colleague!

esio_trot

could you maybe find other things you need to do on the way back which would change your route and make it inconvenient to drop her off? i.e. saying you're visiting a friend/picking up shopping/aerobics class/insert appropriate activity here kind of thing? She might get the hint after a few weeks of unpredictable lifts

Bennifred

I would just say I was going somewhere else after work, not straight home (it doesn't have to be true!;)) Supermarket, doctor, friend's place, library, etc,etc,etc. Until she gets the hint and stops asking. If she's so thick-skinned that she doesn't get the hint then I'd have no compunction in saying it doesn't suit, you want to be free to do whatever you want to after work, not obliged to going straight home!

Ha! Great minds think alike, esio trot!

kittiej

The problem I would have then is that she might ask me what I've been doing at said activity and I don't have a very good imagination so something like aerobics would mean I'd have to watch it on tv to get the idea of it.

She did have a car in better times, but she sold it when her DH became disabled since he now has a mobility car. I did ask why she couldn't use this but she said he might have unexpected hospital appointments.

I hate other people coming to me when they have problems aaargh. It gives me a headache tbh.

Bennifred

OK - well just say you're not going straight home. Don't give a reason. When she asks why, say "It's private" or "I'd rather not say". She can thinks what she likes - you don't owe her an explanation!

gratefulforhelp_2

I have had this happen to me, I'm very happy to help out anyone as a one-off. The person I gave lifts to was perpetually late, and then never ready to go home at the time I was leaving, and so kept me waiting. In the end I became unavailable, since he was eating into my time with my children, making me late home every day.

As others have said, is it the lack of solitude that bugs most, or the taking advantage? Would you still be irritated by her if she paid 50p a mile or something? If you can answer that then you know what to do.

eta don't say you're going to Mr Ts every night, she may want to come too!

Emmzi

"I am afraid it won't be convenient to give you a lift."

"It's personal"

"I'd rather not disucss it"

"I'm sorry, it simply isn't convenient."

Broken record ttime. Don't lie or make excuses. Just blank her.

kittiej

I think if I'm completely honest then I have to say the alone time is more important than the money.

I will see what happens tomorrow, only a week to get through and then I'm off for a week. I wonder what will happen then? Perhaps her DH will have to collect her that week.

I am just worried about saying something I shouldn't especially whilst in work. It's not like she privately asks me, no she asks when everyone else is around!

I'm sure it will work out, somehow, hopefully.

Thanks all.

paddy's_mum

You don't need to think up plausible explanations for if she asks you outright where it is you're going. You just reply in gob-smacked tones "I beg your pardon! I can't believe you just asked my private business!" She'd have to be the offspring of a bulldozer to keep on with that line of conversation.

The girl in the other department who has similarly been coerced into giving lifts can say on Monday "my hubby checked the policy and unfortunately our insurance is invalid if we take part in any kind of car pool .... so sorry, but no can do".

It seems to be the rhino aspect of her conduct that is creating the problem. It's fine to be sympathetic until you begin to realise that actually someone is playing you for a weak and gullible fool.

EC12345

I have also experienced this problem. Like other people have said on this board I started to get "busy" in the evenings, i.e. doctors, shopping, picking up/looking after sister's kiddies, visiting parents.

Like some others here, I never was offered any money whatsoever. Over Christmas and due to not liking driving in the snow, I shared a lift with a friend of mine and after the week was over I gave her half the petrol. She was really chuffed and never expected anything but that is just the way I am.

I know what it is like to feel taken advantage of. Let us all know how you get on!

Gingernutmeg

paddy's_mum wrote: »

The girl in the other department who has similarly been coerced into giving lifts can say on Monday "my hubby checked the policy and unfortunately our insurance is invalid if we take part in any kind of car pool .... so sorry'.

That's a good reason - I know that recently I had to attend a whole office function which was being held off-site, and HR sent round an email saying we weren't allowed to give each other lifts as domestic policies wouldn't cover any occasions when we considered to be transporting people for business purposes. I have no idea if this covers getting to and from work but it'd probably work as an excuse.