Problem with a work colleague!

kittiej

Firstly I wasn't sure if this is the right place to post about this so I understand if it gets moved.

OK, I have got a little bit of a problem with a work colleague.

Basically she has recently been asking me for lifts to the town that I'm from as it's not far from where she lives. At first I believed it was a one off to help her out as she said her DH had to pick the grandchildren up and couldn't be in two places at once. I had no problems with this , and was glad to help her out, except now it's turning into a regular occurence

On top of this she's been asked to change her work times to fit in better with the business, so that means she's going to finish at 5 like myself. I overheard her say to her superviser, well it's OK cos kittiej can give me a lift to ***** (my Town) and then her DH could pick her up from where I drop her off.

I've tried talking to her a couple of times but she doesn't seem to be listening. I even said in one particular conversation that it was her own responsibility to get herself to work and back, just as the rest of us have to. It still didn't sink in *shrugs*

It finally came out that she is short of money and cannot afford for her husband (she's the bread-winner, he doesn't work) to travel down to work and back home twice a day.

My other colleagues say I should stop her and that she's freeloading, it is also the case that my drive into work and back home are the only times when I am completely alone, and I really enjoy having this time to myself. We don't have much in the way of conversation in the car either lol

On the other hand it makes me feel awkward.

Am I being mean or am I being used, that's my dilema.

honeyD

Oh dear. Well in one way I think "well youre going that way anyway.." but then in another I think she should offer something towards petrol etc each week if you will give her lifts that is!
Im the type not to ask in the first place, but when I had training for my job someone took pity on me getting the bus to and from the place (2hrs each way) and she passed locally so offered me a lift every night. I never asked, not once and I wouldnt have either. I still got myself to the place on a morning though! I gave her a small gift at the end of the week to say thanks.
If you didnt feel used, Im sure you wouldnt mind giving the lift lol.

Pollycat

I think YOU have to decide which is the bigger issue for you:

• the fact that you have company in the car but don't really want it or
• you feel she's taking advantage of you financially

If this is to become a permanent arrangement (or at least for the forseeable future), and you decide you're OK with that, I think you should tell her that you think she should contribute towards the journey cost.
If she refuses, then tell her 'sorry, no lift'.

If, however, you really don't want company on the journey, you just have to tell her exactly that. Tell her it's your 'Me' time and even someone being in the car distracts you from that.

The only other thing I think you need to consider is whether your refusal to give her a lift will cause awkwardness or even unpleasantness at work.

*Vikki*

Its rude of her not to offer to contribute something to your costs.

paddy's_mum

Well, you're certainly being taken for granted!

Are you able to wean her off leaning on you by saying on Monday 'look, I can give you a lift tonight and tomorrow, but on the remaining days I have things to do and people to see on the way home so I shan't be available'.

I appreciate that if money is tight for her, you must seem like a godsend but assuming that you are her private free taxi service is presumptuous and in your place, I'd be feeling very put upon, too.

It can be done politely and without making an enemy but if she has a thick skin, you are going to have to sidestep things by being courteously and 'regretfully unavailable'. Good luck.

gill_81uk

Does it involve you going out of your way at all to drop her off?

I used to have a similar problem with someone at work (who I didn't really like anyway!) who said I could give them a lift when I moved as I drove past their bus stop. I didn't like it but as I didn't go out of my way at all I really felt that I couldn't refuse. It would have caused problems at work and made me look petty if I had aswell. However she did get me little gifts every so often to say thankyou.

mazza111

Tend to agree with Paddy's mum on this one.

I personally don't mind giving people a lift if it's on my way. Or tell them I can drop you off at A because I'm not driving through B as it's not on my way.

Is it such a big deal to give her a lift if you are going that way anyway? I realise there are days that you won't need/want to go straight home from work, or maybe she could contribute something to your petrol costs?

cheepskate_2

Why not just be straight with her, as she is with you in asking for a lift. Tell her now its a regular occurrance it will cost xxx. You can always make it a bit more expensive to put her off
Or if you really dont want to pick her up be blunt and tell her you dont want to do the car share as you cant just do your own thing., she will need to get hubby to start picking her up.
If your not as brave, tell her you now need to go in the opposite direction to pick up insert family member each night so she will need to get hubby to pick her up again


its your car and you should not need to fret over this .

Mazza111- well done on the weight lose, wish i could do the same

lilac_lady

It's a real problem for you. One of the jobs I had involved working on a Sunday sometimes and I was asked by my boss to pick up a couple of co-workers. I did this for a few weeks but got fed up when I was kept waiting because they couldn't get out of bed in time so I told my boss that he'd have to come up with another solution. He did but it involved someone else going out of her way until she too got fed up.

I understand that not everyone has their own transport but why take a job if you can't get to and from work under your own steam, if need be?

pulliptears

I think I'd find a sick relative to visit in the opposite direction until she gets the message personally.

kittiej

Thanks for the replies.

I had thought of asking x amount for diesel, secretly hoping to put her off the idea.

The thing is that as gill has pointed out that if I am completey open and honest then it will become ugly since I am not the most tactful of people. I tend to just say whatever pops into my head and can't always understand when people are upset at what I say lol.

The person in question has also told a girl in another department that her son can drop her off at her house a couple of mornings to get a lift into work. The other girl said she was shocked and didn't have the chance to say no!

It is on my way home, and she knows this, but I honestly thought telling her it's her own responsibility to get to work should have been enough. I just hope I can contain my thoughts in my head for a change:)

The only other option is to go to Mr T's every night. Maybe I should take a college course lol

Oh and no she doesn't offer anything, perhaps if she did I would feel a bit better about it all.