From Trash to Cash: the £100 to 10K Dribble thread

jo70mo

Paula - maybe sit down and think what your limits and boundaries are. You can't make another person change. The only person you can change is you and the only person you can take responsibilityfor is you. It is really hard but maybe you can just give him the information he needs to know about what you will and won't tolerate.
So for example. Will you stay together if he continues with the weed? If not let him know as calmly as you can.
Maybe something like this.
I cannot decide for you if you will stop the weed but if it continues It is not something I want for my relationships and I will end our relationship.
Whilst you are coming off the weed I will not accept criticism of how I am raising our children. When you are no longer in withdrawal we can have a discussion about it but not until you have been clear for ??6 weeks??
If I decide that our children need a break from this situation I will take them for a break as while you are in withdrawal I am best placed to recognise their needs. I will expect to be allowed back into the family home on our return as not being will cause our children much distress.
If you are not happy about things I have done then you can explain that to me and I will take your point of view into account when I make future decisions. Once you have explained to me it is not acceptable to keep returning to the subject or yell at me about it.
These are my limits and you need to know them in order to make your own decisions.
Don't know if that helps and its a bit simplified but you could adapt it. but remember not complaints just information about what will not be acceptable to you and how he can act towards you.
Jo x
ps this comes with lots of hugs.

cally6008

mambury wrote: »

ebay!!! might get a few pennies for them!!

no-one would want them

paulabear

Mambury, know what you mean about kids blah blah! Thank you Elly, what's honour among junkies? I could do to find out more about stuff like that as he obviously thinks it should be a small thing and isn't coping; possibly that's why he thinks he's just being 'normal' atm when I know he's not! I like the idea of fixing the small things first Nixi, I phoned the Frank thing last time we went through this and ended up arranging relationship counselling which he didn't want to go to and i couldn't attend as I had no childcare! Thank you all for being great.

Amber, your website is brilliant, but should you be smiling on the picture? Shouldn't you be looking stern (and possibly holding a riding crop)?:rotfl:

paulabear

Jo, that's incredible and very appropriate, thank you so much. His mum told me to write him a letter but I didn't know where to start; those sentences are very useful. The hugs are appreciated too!

jo70mo

Paula, I think I would add in some stuff that shows some empathy for what he is going through but still keep it simple and clear.
eg Whilst you are coming off the weed if there are things I can do to make it easier you can ask me clearly and calmly and if I am comfortable with what you are asking for I will try to help.
I will let you know about things I am not happy about as calmly and as clearly as I can and let you know how I would like help.
Jo x
He might be angry about getting such a letter but if you can keep calm and just reiterate that it is just to give him information to help him decide where he goes from here.

mambury

cally6008 wrote: »

no-one would want them

you could always have them stuffed.... there you go cally a new business line for you taxidermy! LOL!

Have a pet that annoys you? Like the look of it but not the noise and the mess?? want to go on holiday and not have the expense of someone looking after your pet?

Call 1234 12456467 NOW and talk to Cally about having them stuffed! One off fee, no more vets fees, no more kennel fees EVER!!

LOL!!

Mambury

GlisGlis

Sorry I'm not dribbling much today - in so much pain with RSI today, almost being sick. Ugh.

Paula - big hugs. The letter's a good idea, as it's hard to get perspective on situations like this if you try and talk things through without boundaries. I had an ex who used to try and turn everything around onto me, and it's important to take a step back from it for your own sake.

Hope to be back on later, depending on how well the painkillers work. Which might mean I'm dribbling more than ever...

MummyandPaige

mambury wrote: »

ebay!!! might get a few pennies for them!!

Cant sell live things on EBay, however your taxidermy idea has potential! pmsl at that! :rotfl:

Amber_Sunshine

GlisGlis wrote: »

I had an ex who used to try and turn everything around onto me, and it's important to take a step back from it for your own sake.

Snap ... happened to me too ´It´s all your fault ...´. Paula, sad fact is you can´t make an addict stop, only they can, and they become bloody selfish and self-centred, blaming everyone but themselves.

GlisGlis

MummyandPaige wrote: »

Cant sell live things on EBay, however your taxidermy idea has potential! pmsl at that! :rotfl:

OMG I've now really got the giggles. I can see the ad now...

"For sale, two stuffed, strangled cats" :rotfl: