Ground rules for student living at home

greenpixie_2

At my uni amps aren't a problem. But then i'm at an arts college so lots of us are musical and we all make our silly noises. I play my electric violin and no one minds, but then i don't play after eleven its only right that people should be able to get to sleep.

I don't think i could of ever lived at home. I have made all my best friends through living in halls. Most of them i am going to be keeping in touch with after this year. Someone said that halls are grotty and dirty. Well i'm not going to argue with that, halls take some getting used to, this is my fourth year in halls out of choice but its good for the kids to get thrown in at the deep end. I've always been very independent but you should see some people who come to uni with no cooking skills, never done any washing before it shocks them.

My halls experience is always going to be different from anyone elses though because of my college i live in a house with 23 other people and we share 1 kitchen 4 toilets, 2 baths and 2 showers. Most halls are like flats where you share with 5 other people.

But what about bringing girls home? or the general student pjama wearing, not getting up till the afternoon? Are these things that you have to talk about with him.

I like having my own room to bring my friends back to and party with them, having them round to watch a film with or just hanging out in the kitchen with people from my house.

There were a few people from my year that used to travel into college because they still lived at home, they did really well on their course and are buying houses with their boyfriends of 10 years etc but they didn't make any friends at uni. They just used to travel in for lectures and that was that. No one ever really saw them. When you tried to talk to them after the lecture they would be rushing off because they'd have to catch a train back. I'm sure they didn't mind it like that else they would've changed it, but what is your son like?

MrsManda

greenpixie wrote: »

There were a few people from my year that used to travel into college because they still lived at home, they did really well on their course and are buying houses with their boyfriends of 10 years etc but they didn't make any friends at uni. They just used to travel in for lectures and that was that. No one ever really saw them. When you tried to talk to them after the lecture they would be rushing off because they'd have to catch a train back. I'm sure they didn't mind it like that else they would've changed it, but what is your son like?

This is me this time around but that's because I'm married and delibrately bought a house next to a train station so my husband can get to work and I can get to uni with very little faff. But there's no way I'd have done it at 19 (when I first attended university) despite the fact I did go to a local university - 20minutes on the train from my parents. My first year of university I lived in halls on campus - I lost count of how many people crashed on my floor so they could stay out later than the last bus/train. In fact some people crashed on my floor even though they only lived a few minutes away The people I lived with in my second year before dropping out due to illness: one was in my halls, 1 was on my course and one I met through RAG but I wouldn't have made any where near as many friends as I did if I'd have had to get the last train home every night (~2320). And that would have been a shame as they are friends who I am likely to have for life and are people I can always call on. Plus I met my husband, and a lot of the friends I made also met their future significant others But as GreenPixie said, it's all dependent on the personality of your son.

The_One_Who

I get the train and don't 'rush off', there could be other reasons for them leaving such as going to work or having responsibilities at home. I don't think halls gives an 'independent' experience either, not if all your bills and such like are included in the price. Being able to cook and clean doesn't make you independent in my book, I can do those. Being able to commute isn't exactly a bad experience either, not many people live next door to their workplace.

University is what you make it, I wouldn't have like halls and couldn't have afforded them either. I'm happy being able to save money so that I can go on holiday and can afford to do my masters degree. There are numerous students who commute and all can and do have a good time.

Indie_Kid

The_One_Who wrote: »

Being able to cook and clean doesn't make you independent in my book.

Whilst we have to cook and clean, we do get a cleaner come in once a week and clean the communal areas.

Mankysteve

You sound like decent parents may I add. Ive worked as peer guide at uni and i hate helicopter parents that your defo not. I must add I've never lived with anyone of my course the pll I lived with and my main friend group are all plls from my first year in uni halls. so he will miss out that side of things if he stays at home.

Savvy_Sue

greenpixie wrote: »

Someone said that halls are grotty and dirty. Well i'm not going to argue with that, halls take some getting used to, this is my fourth year in halls out of choice but its good for the kids to get thrown in at the deep end. I've always been very independent but you should see some people who come to uni with no cooking skills, never done any washing before it shocks them.

He'll cope with grotty and dirty, after all he copes with his bedroom ... And he is already fairly independent, even more than the older two, but they're all house trained.

greenpixie wrote: »

But what about bringing girls home? or the general student pjama wearing, not getting up till the afternoon? Are these things that you have to talk about with him.

:rotfl: I think it's only bringing girls home which would cramp his style, he already spends his 'leisure' time wandering around topless, I feel cold just looking at him!

ATM he doesn't bring school friends home, he goes to them, because apparently there's more to do at their houses. However his brothers used to have friends round, and still do in the holidays, so he knows it's an option and that we're fairly relaxed.

greenpixie wrote: »

When you tried to talk to them after the lecture they would be rushing off because they'd have to catch a train back. I'm sure they didn't mind it like that else they would've changed it, but what is your son like?

That's where living about a mile beyond the student halls is helpful. They all walk over in this direction anyway. It's not as if he'd be heading off in the opposite direction.

MrsManda wrote: »

I lost count of how many people crashed on my floor so they could stay out later than the last bus/train. In fact some people crashed on my floor even though they only lived a few minutes away

Well, I'd fully expect him to crash elsewhere from time to time.

The_One_Who wrote: »

University is what you make it,

That's certainly true, I spent 3 years in a fully catered college, where it was unusual to live out, which I know isn't the norm at all now. Didn't stop me taking care of myself perfectly adequately once I left home soon after graduating.

Mankysteve wrote: »

You sound like decent parents may I add. Ive worked as peer guide at uni and i hate helicopter parents that your defo not.

Thank you. I do try. As my sons say, I'm very trying. :rotfl:

Mankysteve wrote: »

I must add I've never lived with anyone of my course the pll I lived with and my main friend group are all plls from my first year in uni halls. so he will miss out that side of things if he stays at home.

Well, not necessarily - the older two found accommodation through their courses as much as through their first year halls.

It's all just a bit strange for me: I never expected any of them to even apply locally, never mind decide they wanted to BE here. Plus there's some other 'stuff' involved in do we stay here or move (still locally, I hasten to add!) to let us downsize - if none of them are at home the house is definitely too big, but we do want them to have a home to go to during vacations!

blackribbongirl

As a student i would say move out, i know you said you live close but its just not the same. I know its more expensive, but the experiance is worth it! Alot of people on my course still live at home, and even with the best parents in the world (who dont mind what time they come in etc), they still miss out on alot. I see going to uni not just for the learning aspect, but also mixing with people you wouldnt normally meet, learning to manage finances, learning to cook and clean and really look after yourself. Its exciting too!.... just my thoughts.

greenpixie_2

The_One_Who wrote: »

I get the train and don't 'rush off', there could be other reasons for them leaving such as going to work or having responsibilities at home. I don't think halls gives an 'independent' experience either, not if all your bills and such like are included in the price. Being able to cook and clean doesn't make you independent in my book, I can do those. Being able to commute isn't exactly a bad experience either, not many people live next door to their workplace.

University is what you make it, I wouldn't have like halls and couldn't have afforded them either. I'm happy being able to save money so that I can go on holiday and can afford to do my masters degree. There are numerous students who commute and all can and do have a good time.

Thatas just my opinion, of course they probably had some reason to rush off for but we never got to know them because they didn't stay and talk. Thats the point i was trying to make! Of course halls makes you independent. You come from your home with mummy and daddy and have to do everything yourself. There is no lifts with them, no cooked meals, no cleaning done, you have to remember to do your washing rather than being nagged at by your parents for your clothes or for you to put a load on. And theres the bit where you have to learn to share. Thats the problem with alot of people in my halls this year. I am independent, and halls is my choice because its the best thing for me. I know i'm rubbish with money and i understand that if its one big chunk taken out at the beginning of each term i can live off of the rest of the money. A roof over your head is much more important than anything else. Even food, I know that if i ever did really run out of money, my friends would be there and cook for me if it was serious. But as i siad my halls experience is completely different from anywhere else. My whole campus and halls are in the middle of an estate, there are only 600 students including post grad and everyone knows everyone at least by face.

Savvy_Sue

blackribbongirl wrote: »

I see going to uni not just for the learning aspect, but also mixing with people you wouldnt normally meet, learning to manage finances, learning to cook and clean and really look after yourself. Its exciting too!.... just my thoughts.

I'm not sure that living at home would particularly limit the range of people he would meet, I don't suppose he'd only socialise with those on his course, I'm SURE he'd join a few societies and visit a few bars etc. And he already does manage his finances to a certain extent: I give him a monthly allowance, enough to cover bus fares and some lunches, and it's up to him to withdraw it when he needs it and to spend it as he chooses - especially as he bought a bike so doesn't need bus fares!

My boys aren't allowed to leave home without having learned to cook and clean. And this one wears shirts rather than t-shirts so will have to learn how to sew buttons on before he goes, I'm not having him fluttering his eyelashes at some girl to get her to do it for him! :rotfl:

greenpixie wrote: »

There is no lifts with them, no cooked meals, no cleaning done, you have to remember to do your washing rather than being nagged at by your parents for your clothes or for you to put a load on. And theres the bit where you have to learn to share.

Last time I offered him a lift, he bit my head off because "I've got my bike!" Although he did say that he might ask me to deliver his amp to him sometimes if he was in halls nearby.

I just think it's sad that not all parents start teaching the skills of independence early enough. Waiting until your offspring are technically adults is far too late. IMO - the boys might disagree!

The_One_Who

greenpixie wrote: »

Thatas just my opinion, of course they probably had some reason to rush off for but we never got to know them because they didn't stay and talk. Thats the point i was trying to make! Of course halls makes you independent. You come from your home with mummy and daddy and have to do everything yourself. There is no lifts with them, no cooked meals, no cleaning done, you have to remember to do your washing rather than being nagged at by your parents for your clothes or for you to put a load on. And theres the bit where you have to learn to share. Thats the problem with alot of people in my halls this year. I am independent, and halls is my choice because its the best thing for me. I know i'm rubbish with money and i understand that if its one big chunk taken out at the beginning of each term i can live off of the rest of the money. A roof over your head is much more important than anything else. Even food, I know that if i ever did really run out of money, my friends would be there and cook for me if it was serious. But as i siad my halls experience is completely different from anywhere else. My whole campus and halls are in the middle of an estate, there are only 600 students including post grad and everyone knows everyone at least by face.

I don't get lifts, nor does anyone I know, and we all can do our own washing, cooking and cleaning. I'm living at home and better with money than most people I know who have lived out.

Also, here the maximum loan does not come close to covering accommodation and living costs and so a job is necessary. Working hours upon hours each week just to cover rent and food, never mind anything else, doesn't sound like the university experience everyone bleats on about.

The 'university experience' is not dependent on where you live for one year. Commuters can and do make plenty of friends. In the case of the OP I think it would be a waste of money to live in (very expensive) halls when they are already not that far away from the university. He can move out in his second year if he wants to, and use the money he will have saved for something nice.

Those who live at home are not wholly dependent on 'mummy and daddy', nor do they miss out on anything they don't want to.