How do you say No to things you really need

RAS

Jim

You have always come across as a lovely guy. I hope things get better.

Small thoughts:

1. After next payday when you have time, buy a load of mince and start to cook it up with some onions.

Divide in two -

Bung some grated carrot and tinned tomatoes with herbs, an any other veggies you fancy. Cook on a bit and divide into meal sized portions. Freeze. Once every week or so, take out a portion in the morning (or get Mrs Jim to do so), and you have a pasta sauce ready in the time needed to cook the pasta that night.

The other half, either add veggies and make into mince or add chilli. The mince can become mince and tatties or you could make cottage pie. Take it easy and use instant mash with loads of marge in it. Again, when thawed, will cook up with very little work on the night. For the chilli, just thaw, add a bin of beans and cook, whilst the rice is doing.

2. Re shopping, head over to the freebie forum as they sometimes have free delivery vouchers for the supermarkets. Order on-line and get it brought to you. Would take some of the strain out of shopping for both of you.

3. I can understand why you would not want Mrs Jim on www.freegle.co.uk, but you might get the smart casual clothes from there (not so much men's stuff).

4. If you are buying suits, get two pairs of trousers if possible, as often they clap out before the jacket. Over time it might save you a bit each year.

MyLastFiver

Jim, just a suggestion, have a look at the Gamling Introductory Offer Loopholes board. It isn't gambling - it's about working the system to extract promotional cash from bookies without taking any risk. I've made £300 since New Year without really doing as much as I could have done. You could put the money you make from this to one side for the emergencies you speak of.

Poosmate

Aw Mr Jim, I just want to give you a real big hug! You really are a jolly decent chap!

I was in a similar situation to you a couple of years ago, debt spiraling and came close to becoming out of control. Luckily, I realised this and took some proactive steps to remedy the situation.

I realised that, every year I was putting car tax, insurance, breakdown cover and some other incidentals on my credit card and year on year was paying off less than was going on. I had no savings and thought I didn't have any spare money to save.

I have 2 current accounts, salary goes into one then £XXX goes into the other on payday (I call them "My Acct" and "Bills Acct"). All of the household bills are paid by DD or SO out of Bills acct. As water rates are paid over 8 months and Council Tax over 10 months, for 4 months of the year more is going into Bills acct than going out - this has been a life saver some times! I would round up all my DD/SO's to the next £5 and so if Gas was £33pcm I'd put in £35, Elec £38 I'd budget £40, so £XXX was always more than the actual bills. Every now and then I'd use the excess in there to bail out "My" acct (because I'd had to get the car fixed or buy tyres or something - incidentals).

I opened an ISA and set up a SO to pay in £15pcm (my emergency fund). It's not much but it's something and it allowed me to at least pay my car tax in cash not put it on the CC again! That was one cycle broken!

I managed not to use my CC for a whole year and only my car insurance went on last year (Nov) due to a nightmare of an MOT (I knew I should have scrapped it instead of MOT'ing it!).

Apart from that blip I have managed to break the whole CC cycle and am now paying my debt off rather than adding to it. The excess money in Bills acct will have to go in my ISA for now as I think my washing machine is on it's way out but this is excellent as I will have the cash to repair/replace! Yay!

It's taken a while to get out of the CC cycle and much living on a wing and a prayer and living hand to mouth but having just a few spare quid (even if it's not earning as much interest as you are paying on your debt) gives some comfort. Works for me anyway!

Regarding your son's mattress, I pressume you have turned it over? You may find the other side has a few months wear yet plus as someone else mentioned put an old duvet on top underneath the sheets to give it a bit of a longer life.

I would also agree with some others who have suggested you get your children to start paying their way (certainly the 14 year old anyway) if not in cash for excessive use of phone/electric then in chores (chopping onions, peeling spuds, other veg prep etc.).

I think it's time you got tough with the kids, if they're leaving their tv's/pc's/lights on over night (I used to have a lodger who did this grrrr!) then threaten to remove said goods if they don't start turning them off. It's tough love but it will stand them in good stead when they grow up and have to pay for these things themselves. Be strong, it's not unreasonable! It's so easy to be irresponsible when you are not responsible, give them some responsibility!

Hope some of this helps and good luck in getting yourself and your family sorted and working together.

Poo

Norfolk_Jim

MyLastFiver wrote: »

Jim, just a suggestion, have a look at the Gamling Introductory Offer Loopholes board. It isn't gambling - it's about working the system to extract promotional cash from bookies without taking any risk. I've made £300 since New Year without really doing as much as I could have done. You could put the money you make from this to one side for the emergencies you speak of.

Thanks for the suggestion but I've already drained every bookie I could find dry for promotions & matched betting opportunities - I'm afraid there are meagre picking for me there, the off £10 here and there but thanks anyway

property.advert

I really feel for you Jim. All I can offer is the following unfortunately.

TV, telephone (unlimited), internet (unlimited), Sky costs me £40 a month and it is a good package (basic +2 with Sky). You could argue to ditch Sky but seriously, it is a hard call to drop this.

Petrol. You say you drive 25 miles a day there and back. Working on 50 miles a day and 20 days a month and 40 miles per gallon, then you are looking at 1000 miles and 25 gallons. At 115p per litre and 4.5 litres per gallon, then your petrol should be about 25*4.5*115/100= £130 approx. What does your car do MPG ?

I agree with some other posters that you really need to put in figures for clothes and other stuff because you do spend on them.

As for food, I was going to say £300 was way too much but that was before I read about your wife's OCD. I know exactly what you mean about coming home and being tired and maybe a budget cannot be reduced but I would question whether £300 is really the total spend or is it perhaps more ?

Could some of the people she works with help out with recipes which she could follow ?

As for mental illness, I remember seeing a doctor on TV who said that she used to lie on her CV but that now she did not have to as refusing to give her a job because of her disability was unlawful. Have a look at this http://www.rethink.org/how_we_can_help/news_and_media/press_releases/charity_victory_hera.html http://www.thesite.org/workandstudy/working/workwelfare/mentalhealthatwork

I would also urge you to get in contact with the benefits people. I cannot believe there is no help, even financially. Mental health charities would be my first stop.

On utilities, I save around 35% by managing it online. I would be paying 50% more than I do if I were just paying each quarter. Go to http://www.uswitch.com/gas-electricity/ and have a look.

As for controlling expenses, then different bank accounts are the way forward. If all the direct debits are £700 then you need an account at a different bank where you transfer £700 long before the first one comes out. I'd try to get a buffer there as well, maybe £750 a month going in.

Stopping spending is unfortunately as simple and as bad as stopping access to money. Of course stop any internet spending, the kids need cash I understand but your wife cannot have access to credit or the family bank account. She has to work on cash you give her or she will pull you under the water. I had to do the same and it is not easy. Cruel to be kind is the only way to look at it. If she doesn't have the money then she can't buy 9 vacuum cleaners can she ?

As for beds, a new mattress etc. then try places like freecycle. Gumtree has a free section on its website though unlikely to be much use in your location. Mental health charities can help I am sure or point you in the right direction.

I wish I could help as you truly come across as one of the good guys, somehow let down by the system which supports so many undeserving who contribute nothing. I hope you can get through this.

Norfolk_Jim

Sat the family down at the weekend and showed them the budget step by step, showed them the mortgage and the loans. Then had them watch a couple of episodes of "beat the bailiff" which seemed to sober them up a bit.
Feeling very depressed today.

Tixy

Hi Jim

That does sound like you are starting to make progress with the family. I know that doesn't necessarily mean everything will be plain sailing from here but if they can begin to understand both the financial pressure and mental strain you are under that will start to make a difference. And next time they are pestering for something maybe remind them that even if you could afford to buy it them, they could have it taken away by any baliffs! Just a gentle reminder.

Sorry to hear you are depressed - is it pay day soon? have you thought of any changes you can make starting with this months pay packet?

Any progress made with the grocery shopping?/cooking from scratch? Have you looked into whether any of the supermarkets do offer a delivery service in your area?

Its hard when you are down but try to think of positive changes you have already made, or even how much worse things would be if you hadn't realised the position you were in and were still spending on oblivious. Small steps are still steps in the right direction.

Norfolk_Jim

We are looking at the budget closely but the only concrete steps taken so far are to agree that I'll do the shopping alone from now on. I can call in to the shops on my way home from work. I'm much better at shopping than my wife and can plan the meals better. No real progress on cooking from scratch etc, so much easier if one partner does that and the other does the other.

taplady

Hi Jim!
sounds to me like you've made a good start :T- at least they all know where you stand now with the finances and it should make a difference with you doing the shopping. Thanks for letting us know how you're doing!

beanielou

Great start
I appreciate how difficult it must be for you.
Keep plodding!