How do you say No to things you really need

Firewalker

Hi Jim,

I am very new to this myself but I agree with the others that £300 is high for food. I spend about £200 and this feeds very well 3 adults and one child (who eats as an adult).

It also seems to me that in your case it woulod be very important to increase your earning. And that Mrs Jim is probably looking at the wrong jobs - people with OCD are absolutely brilliant in anything thing to do with occupations favouring obssession - cleaning, organising etc. Not to mention anything to do with programming, computers, writing, research etc.

Hope this helps and best of luck.

Firewalker

honeybear_2

Jim, I can't add anything to what's been said - I just wanted to post to say I wish you the very best of luck with things. You sound like a good guy who needs a break

xx

Norfolk_Jim

Bagpuss741 wrote: »

Have you tried the blue cross for help with your dog? http://www.bluecross.org.uk/web/site/AboutUs/About_Us.asp

No I hadn't, I'll check that out thank you

Norfolk_Jim

Firewalker wrote: »

Hi Jim,

I am very new to this myself but I agree with the others that £300 is high for food. I spend about £200 and this feeds very well 3 adults and one child (who eats as an adult).

It also seems to me that in your case it woulod be very important to increase your earning. And that Mrs Jim is probably looking at the wrong jobs - people with OCD are absolutely brilliant in anything thing to do with occupations favouring obssession - cleaning, organising etc. Not to mention anything to do with programming, computers, writing, research etc.

Hope this helps and best of luck.

Firewalker

Yes, she is good at sorting things. OCD is a very wide ranging condition and covers a lot of different kinds of obsessiveness. The classic one, the one people think of immediately is the hand washing one, or the fear of germs with xcompulsive cleaning. Thats one is very dibilitating socially. I had a friend with a wfe like that - could never visit him because a stranger in the house triggered a decontamination frenzy by her, awful.
Mrs Jims OCD manifests itself in the desire to aquire - something.

Have you ever watched those TV shows, "Spendaholics", or "Bank of mum and Dad"? I want to throw things at the telly. But in my wifes case its a true case of "getaholic". Last year she managed to purchase 9 hoovers as an example. Another time she hacked my E-Bay and went on a spending free - it wasn't that she wanted the items, just the relief of placing the bid, she was obsessed with bidding. Then theres numbers - she has to avoid numbers, like the lottery, because she gets obsessed with all the number combinations - adverts with telephone numbers are especially bad, like 118 118. see that - she HAS to ring it, HAS to know what they would say if she rung it, then again, and again and again. Failure to obey the urge results in horrendous anxiety. Sometimes - looking back I can laugh, like coming home to find the house full of Santa clauses of all types. Other times its never funny, like buying the same watch and returning it over and over till the shop loses patience, or dialling 999 repeatedly.
Its hell to live with.
But taking medication properly you wouldnt know there was anything wrong in particular, you'd think her maybe a bit eccenteric.
She is very keen on wordsearches, which is a cheap way to satisfy her craving- a £1 puzzle book keeps her going all week - longer if I hide her glasses.

I get so indignant with these clever dicks who lambast posters for having debt or not being as clued up as they are - thats on other boards, not here, heres lovely - because peoples live are complicated and debt is rarely that simple. I dont many people who deliberately went out and got themselves into debt without any intention of paying it - usually theres a long story and a change of circumstances.

Oh... and we used to get by on £2 a day for food and maybe still could if I was a stay at home dad. Sometimes I regret not having quit my job when she first got sick and become a carer on benefits - probably I'd still have my health and be able to think clearly, but as we pressed on and seemingly coped the offers of help seemed to reduce - Its been about 9 or 10 years now. The first 2 were the worst, the next 2 like living with a stranger I didnt like and the rest have been maybe not so bad. Only some areas are not so good, others are better.

gonzo127

Norfolk_Jim wrote: »

She is very keen on wordsearches, which is a cheap way to satisfy her craving- a £1 puzzle book keeps her going all week - longer if I hide her glasses. - i know this is a little cruel but i did actually laugh out loud at this, and the people at work looked at me a bit funny... oh well

I get so indignant with these clever dicks who lambast posters for having debt or not being as clued up as they are - thats on other boards, not here, heres lovely - because peoples live are complicated and debt is rarely that simple. I dont many people who deliberately went out and got themselves into debt without any intention of paying it - usually theres a long story and a change of circumstances.

i think everyone on these forums knows the type of people you are on about here, and it is surprising how many people automatically put in their post things such as "and i know its my fault" etc. i do accept that sometimes i can be a bit harsh with some people, however thats usually when young kids are involved and i feel they are letting their own pride cause hardship for the child.

but i am so glad you have come on here and just hope we can help, even if it is only to let you have a rant, you really do sound like a really nice guy who just needs a break

Bagpuss741

Norfolk_Jim wrote: »

No I hadn't, I'll check that out thank you

Also try the rspca (I've assumed you're in norfolk as per your user name) http://www.rspca.org.uk/inyourarea/detail/-/iya/RSPCA%20Norwich%20&%20Mid%20Norfolk%20Branch/

I'll also put the link for you to check the regions just in case the one above isn't where you are: http://www.rspca.org.uk/inyourarea?p_p_id=branchListing_WAR_ptlListPortlet&p_p_lifecycle=1&p_p_url_type=0&p_p_state=normal&p_p_mode=view&p_p_col_id=column-2&p_p_col_pos=2&p_p_col_count=4

The regions are on the right hand side of the page (ignore norwich in the location, it was the only place in norfolk I knew:o)

taplady

Bagpuss741 wrote: »

Have you tried the blue cross for help with your dog? http://www.bluecross.org.uk/web/site/AboutUs/About_Us.asp

they wont help unless you get certain benefits as we tried when our dog was ill. They dont take debt into consideration.

Horace

There should be a disability employment advisor at the jobcentre - they tend to be a bit more useful than the run of the mill advisors on the shopfloor so to speak. Another place that can help MrsJim is The Shaw Trust (I will post a link in min as I need to find it first). http://www.shaw-trust.org.uk

OCD is clinically recognised as a disability - look at http://www.ocdtodayuk.org - under the employees section - it tells you a bit about the DDA and OCD is clinically recognised in various forms under the DDA. She may be able to claim disability living allowance too.

If you need a new boiler then I think there is a scheme where money is available towards a new boiler.

taplady

Jim - it appears to me that you are carrying the whole weight on your shoulders, as others have said try and get the kids on board - how old are they? Its not your wife's fault she cant really help and you have my sympathy regarding her OCD.

I really feel for you as I've been there - still going through it at the moment in fact. My DH has had long spells of illness to resulting in serious debt. But things have looked up .We have 5 payments to go till we have completed out IVA then we are debt free. Thought we were doing so well but now he's ill again with the prospect of at least a month off work on SSP if not longer.
I'd recommend looking at the old style board for ideas on ways to save on your shopping and ideas for easy to cook meals. I've saved a fortune this way. Freecycle is a great idea for a new mattress or look in the local small ads.
I hope things pick up for you soon. let us know how you get on, at least you'll feel that you're not on your own x

niccatw

Hi Jim

Afraid I've not much to add. Just wanted to say I know exactly how you feel (had to re-wire the oven, been told I need a new board and isolation switch, the boiler keeps losing pressure, probably because the radiator is leaking, my glasses presciption changed3 months ago, still wearing the old ones...)

It really does seem never ending! The best laid plans and all that! However, it does sound as though you have a wicked sense of humour to help you through (I too laughed out loud at you hiding Mrs Jim's glasses!). Don't let that go!

As far as the kids go, it might not hep now, but for years my dad used to scream "17.5% VAT on electrcitiy" at us whenever we left doors open or didn't switch off lights behind ourselves. I doubt I really appreciated it until I was in my own place and paying the bills (and sharing with people who didn't know how to close a door or switch off a light )

I definitely agree with the posters that suggest you get the kids to pay for their bills. Though I'd maybe suggest putting it to them in terms of responsibility, so for example, getting them on board in researching the cheapset available mobile or broadband (if they're old enough), or giving them a supermarket sweep type challenge (one in charge of, say cleaning products, one in charge of toiletries - give them a tough budget). Though I guess they'd want a reward so perhaps a challenge on finding the cheapest ingrediants to bake a cake, sweets, biscuits... the recipes will be on the old style board.

Sorry I can't offer anything more concrete. But keep up the good work and look after yourself.