Advice on Child Maintenance please!

DUTR

missmontana wrote: »

This is the thing, previous to the CSA being mentioned he was wanting his name on birth cert, to be called dad and wants my son to be page boy at his wedding! but just because he wouldn't provide info on wages which meant we couldn't agree on a figure, he told me to let the CSA sort it out, he's now just delaying things. And hasn't asked to see the boy. Silly really as it'll just build up arrears.... :wall:

Aye, but some post as if arrears are all bad, when I got my brown envelope, I simply from that date assigned 15% net to another account, still went for the DNA test cos that is my right to do so, I already knew that child was not starving or freezing to death, once the results came through, I could then start making the payments via the CSA. I save in holidays, after school club, riding lessons,xmas and b/day pressies, petrol mileage, and stress plus gain lots of free time.
Somethings are about money somethings are about principle, let the system deal with the case and look forward from there onwards :A

Kimitatsu

missmontana wrote: »

This is the thing, previous to the CSA being mentioned he was wanting his name on birth cert, to be called dad and wants my son to be page boy at his wedding! but just because he wouldn't provide info on wages which meant we couldn't agree on a figure, he told me to let the CSA sort it out, he's now just delaying things. And hasn't asked to see the boy. Silly really as it'll just build up arrears.... :wall:

Miss M - dont let it get to you! They just try to wind you up because really they know what is coming. Smile sweetly and let him get on with it - if he wants a DNA test let him have it, that way there is never ever any come back. Regardless of whether he wants to see your boy or not then he will still have to pay, and that will wind him up more than anything.

There have been lots of threads on here about NRP's not wanting to see their children, if he doesn't want to then there is little you can do about it, better that than sporadic contact when they expect to be adored like superdad just because they have bothered to turn up. (Yup expecting a few caustic comments there - BUT before you all start tapping away, that is aimed at the ones who turn up now and then not the ones who make regular contact and keep up with their kids )

Good luck and take care - keep away from the text button though!

missmontana

I know Dutr and Kim, I would say the same thing to any one else going thru the same process... its just so hard when its my child that he's denying, not just the money but the time aswell.
I am sure there will be a whole new set of demands when it comes back that he is indeed the father!
Its not even like he's one of those ones that doesn't want any contact at all, I've always said he can see him as and when he wants, never really made a big deal of it. So that's where smiling sweetly got me... but yes, I am playing by the rules. Patience isn't one of my virtues tho!

I have stepped away from the mobile....

catenorfolk

shell_542 wrote: »

How will she know without at least giving him a chance first?

So, if he is willing to pay her, then it shouldnt matter if it is done through the CSA then. At least then if he doesnt pay for whatever reason, she can get straight on to the CSA who will chase him for it.

missmontana

If it were only that simple.... he was willing to pay, but not very much and even then the amount kept changing despite the fact he is only just breaking even *ahem*.

Besides, he now wants a DNA test, so CSA it is, as its cheaper than a private one.... swings and roundabouts.

I told them he'd already paid me some money, but that doesn't seem to make any difference.

Kimitatsu

missmontana wrote: »

I know Dutr and Kim, I would say the same thing to any one else going thru the same process... its just so hard when its my child that he's denying, not just the money but the time aswell.

I know - been there and done it, but all I can say to you is that your child will know that they are loved from you and your family and that is far more worthwhile than a parent who breezes in and out as the mood takes him. My ex tried that and eventually my children got to the point where they did not want to see him because in their words they felt "unsafe".

I have stepped away from the mobile....

The CSA will only go by the DNA test unless he has been living with you and the child as a family unit for more than 4 years, as that is not the case here, the DNA test will be their proof.

missmontana

Thanks Kimtatsu, yeah he's very well loved by friends and family, just makes me sad that this poor excuse for a man is putting us all thru this. I would understand if it had been a one night stand, or brief fling, but after 16 years you think you'd know someone.
The last little bit of respect I had for him has totally gone out of the window.

missmontana

Got a text today, the ex has put some money in my account and has asked dates for Easter hols so he can sort out when he is about for my son.

What's that all about??

DX2

missmontana wrote: »

Got a text today, the ex has put some money in my account and has asked dates for Easter hols so he can sort out when he is about for my son.

What's that all about??

Maybe he's woken up and smelt the coffee

Honest_broker07

Missmontana

I am the father of your child and of kellogg's

It's in writing what does it prove - Nowt, the only real proof is a DNA test, do you really think text messages prove anything legally ?

IMHO all the show is someone sent a text from one devive to another at a specific time & date, not who sent it and to who