Reformed shopaholic? please can you give me the benefit of your advice

Anglea

Hi all

Frogletina - what is the latest?

What are you spending your money on this weekend girls?

CompletelyLost

Hi all,

Anglea - glad you started with the financial stuff. How are you getting on now?

Re: the paranoia/shyness/anxiety... yes, I do worry that people judge me. I overthink everything. So it does sound a bit like how you described your thought process, NG. I've been like this for as long as I can remember, so it's hard to break out of the pattern.

I know I'm not a bad person - just very awkward, maybe a little difficult to talk to get to know in 'real life'. I'm much better online than I am with real people though. I'm not nervous with children or much old people, it's sort of the 18-30 category that I have trouble communicating with I guess I see them as more judgemental than the rest of society.

This weekend - I'm not doing much at all! I have a ton of things selling on ebay, so will spend most of Sunday packaging them up. I'm actually proud of how much I'm parting with at the moment. It will make a big difference in terms of wardrobe space (also chose two pairs of shoes to sell - and I hate parting with shoes!)

Just to shock you all... I have added up all of my returns so far in 2011. The grand sum is £881.39 (so far... there are more things to be returned this month yet).

Anglea

CL - your returns :eek:


That's a lot of misfits :rotfl:

As to worrying about what people are thinking about you - I'm guessing...... nothing........... because in general people spend most of their time thinking about themselves.

I'll you what gave me the most amount of confidence about myself and it really shocked me - not wearing any makeup. Before the day I became allergic to every product available, I used to always feel on edge walking past groups of men, builders, etc. even though as a person I was very extrovert and confident. I'd get paranoid about a red nose in winter, spots, make up looking wrong etc and this was after I was married as well as beforehand.

As soon as I had to go out without any makeup (this was after ds1 was born) it was as though a whole new world appeared, I was ultra confident in a way I never experienced before. I was getting more male attention than you can imagine even though I didn't need it.

Nowadays if I go past men working outside a house I could say hello or even say a few words without any worries. But in my makeup days I'd be feeling really on edge.

The same thing happened many years ago after I had to ditch my heels after getting an x ray with some unwelcome news about my feet. I had to wear trainer type shoes and sandals. It also gave a freedom and ease I would have never imagined.

I'm wondering about you CL, what you can let go?

CompletelyLost

That's odd about the makeup, Anglea. I guess that because you had no choice, you had to stop wearing it, that made it easier to do somehow? I'm sure that if I removed my makeup I'd get more bad comments than good!

I have been out without makeup, but only in emergencies when I didn't have any time to worry about what people would be thinking. The only makeup I couldn't live without is eyeliner. As for my skin - I have rosacea and constant blotches on my face, so the only thing I wear is a mineral concealer. I'm limited to what I can & can't wear.

I'm not sure whether giving things up would do me more harm than good? I don't wear heels, don't do spray tans or get false nails (or other expensive beauty treatments), I don't spend any time on my hair. The only thing I do spend a lot of time & money fretting about are my clothes. And funnily enough, on the odd occassions that I have had any male attention, it's usually been when I've been wearing a hoodie and looked scruffy! So maybe you're onto something...

As for my returns... that's actually considerably less than 2011... yes, really..!

Frogletina

Anglea wrote: »

Frogletina - what is the latest?

Anglea - nothing to update, not heard anything at all from Bym. I was just telling my friend that before I met him he wrote in one of his messages:

Not all the tales must have a happy and
or sad final. Some tales should end with uncertainty
that make it even more exciting and romantic.

Well, ours has definately ended with uncertainty. He certainly gave me a lot of inspiration to write more poems, maybe that is the reason he came into my life for such a short time

Frogletina

Just thought I would let you see an example of one of my poems

I wrote this last year (about dating sites), so it's not one inspired by Bym, but could easily have been


In the beginning I said
It’s that time of night when I think
‘Why not’
and I check out the profiles
wishing I could filter by length of hair

I ended my message with
Life’s a bit of a gamble really

And hit the button
Try to sleep
Wait for the morning to come

Your messages are
Days apart
Worlds apart

The thing with gambling is
Sometimes you lose, and
Sometimes you hit the jackpot

This poem is for you
At night I lay awake
waiting for your return

Anglea

Hi all,

Well if anyone is wondering if there is any truth in that idea where whatever you think about the most you attract, it's true. On my previous post just before I went out, I mentioned feeling more confident around men without makeup.

This afternoon I turned down a road, which seemed empty except me and a load of older teenage boys playing football, because I had already started towards them, I didn't feel I could suddenly turn round so I had to walk through the middle of them. I felt ok. The other day I was a bit on edge with a group on bikes but again went past ok. I know with make up I would have had a problem.

It's strange about the make up because logically speaking it seems that I should have been more confident with it on.

Thanks Frogletina for letting us read your poem, I really liked it.

As for BSY, I think you are too forgiving. The only thing he'd inspire me to write is a 'what the hell are you playing at, at least tell me you don't want to see me again' message to him.

CL, I wouldn't be surprised if you did get attention in your hoodie hopefully you'll be feeling more relaxed in them and give off confident vibes.

I bought a long, sort of vest top which actually fits Also bought some books, and arranged a house valuation I still haven't chosen a solicitor but can do a few necessary things in the meantime. I don't plan to sell my house if I can avoid it and won't be sprucing it up for the estate agent. Although I'm not going as far as some people do - tipping out their rubbish!

Frogletina

Anglea

I know I am too forgiving, it is in my nature

I also know that if Bym messaged me to say he was on his way to see me I would welcome him, whatever his reasons were for the non-contact.

This time I thought I had found someone who was really on the same wavelength as me, and I am still finding it hard to understand and accept. But it's life and it doesn't always go the way we want it to go.

So I live for another day, and I won't ever give up on finding someone, that also is not in my nature

Regarding what you said about make up - I have not used it since being a teenager. No men have ever said they wanted me to wear it either and it would seem strange to wear it now. I like men to be natural too, clean but not sprayed to death like some men are.

Frogletina

Anglea

Frogletina, I know you want to find someone, and I hope you do, but BYM is now in the Cinema man category because of his behaviour towards you.

Don't go with him again just because there isn't anyone else on the horizon. Because if you do, that's just giving men the green light to treat you badly

You need to be treated well.

ziggles50

Hi Guys
@ Anglea- you're such a wise old soul...i wish i could follow your advise like medicine...but alas...i'm me...
@ Frogletina- thanks for sharing your poem- very brave. I like it...so true.
@ CL- That's a lot of returns...wow! Glad you're emptying out some stuff and letting go.
@ NGlady- how are you?

I've not been speding any money so good on that one. Bought a very slightly too big pair of work trousers but i was desperate and sick of looking.
I'm having a great relationship shift with the sepmonster since i moved out (not that she was a monster at all to start with). It's noce when someone fusses over you!
Mentals/emotionals- i feel better after some qualty time with the monster and a pal tonight- i think i was just hormonal/needing some attention/fussing over
Boys- no news there. I'm behaving for a change (well mostly- i refuse to give up fwb).

have a lovely Sunday all!