Reach for the stars...

niccatw

It'll need to be a few years Butti. Need rid of this debt first and a plan of what I need to pay here when I am elsewhere. Much more investigation and thought needed. Just a wee seedling at the moment.

Paid another £6.44 to RBS from "spending" account and £7.46 from bills account. The actual direct debit (£288.05) has come out of my account but isn't yet in the loan account (even though it's the same bank :mad: They wouldn't let me cancel or move the direct debit. :mad: :mad:) so I won't update my totals yet. Have I mentioned how much I loathe RBS? :mad:

I need to change my contents insurance this month and would like to pay it off in one go if possible, so I probably won't make as high an overpayment to RBS as I'd like.

I think I've been too trigger happy on the cashback credit card but as I set it up to be paid in full each month, I'll have to deal with that and so I think I have learned my lesson. Since the last statement I have used it only for it's original purpose; deisel and supermarket shops.

Though patience be a tired mare, yet she will plod. Shakespeare

MrsMoo2U

love that Shakespeare quote. You are right there will never be a right time to do something so the best thing to do is decide to do it, plan it and work towards it. No compromises. So you know that you want to pay off the debt and you need to work out what you need to arrange whilst away. So what is stopping you from setting a date for VSO. Say in 2 years time. Start contacting people, making connections and building up a network of support for when you finally do it. If you set a plan in motion then you have something to work towards and all these days that you are fed up you can think they are a means to an end - see the light at the end of the tunnel. Now I know some people say that it is easier said than done but just take a read of the Fond Farewell thread by Chris Hyder - makes you realise that you have to live your life instead of putting it off.

niccatw

Cheri, you are so right!

When I was first qualified, I was on a training course for person-centred-planning. We did our own person-centred plans as part of the learning. I know I still have mine some-where but VSO was on it then. I didn't even know I was about to write it down. That was 7 (OMG, 7? :eek:) years ago now.

Some-time in the last 5 years I went to a VSO night and got some initial information. But the whole thing felt huge and scary and I never took it further.

But I think it's always been there in the background.

Planning it for 2 years time should be just as easy to do as to say. And how right you are; what a way to get me through those fed-up days!

I've been back on the site tonight. Just perusing and reading. I think I shall just go back over there now and register my interest. Thank you for that gentle push! :A

niccatw

Grrr. Wrote a post last night but then power adapter fell out of the laptop and the whole thing shut down. I shouldn't be annoyed by this as my poor laptop has been warning me about this for weeks but I've been ignoring it as I can plug it in. And because, when I looked on the Dell website, a new battery was £113 + p&p. :eek: That's almost half the price my entire laptop was! I've had a look on ebay but it scares me! Not ebay; the amount of battery's to chose from. I can't figure out compatibility. And the huge variation of prices. Probably time to ask instructions from my extremely clever computer friends!

I haven't registered for VSO yet as it takes 20 minutes and is essentially an initial application with work experiences and a statement on why you want to do it, so I need a bit of time to think about it and make sure I have everything I need to hand. Next weekend I'm completely free, so I've pencilled it in for then. Pester me if I haven't done it!

I had a meeting with my boss yesterday. I think it's fair to say that I'm ill again. My eating is all to pot, my flat is a tip, I'm ignoring my current module even though I have that feeling of dread about not doing anything, I forgot something of huge importance I had to do the other night, which is sooooo unlike me, and I feel absolutely shattered with no good reason to. I've also not been to yoga or body balance in a while and I haven't seen very many of my friends in the last 3-4 weeks.

I'm going back to the docs at the end of the month (the doc I've been going to is on annual leave and I refuse to go to the one who told me to go get my hair cut and pamper myself.). And I think I should go back to counselling. Last time I went, I found it really helpful, though we mostly focused on issues I was having at work. I think this time I need to focus on my eating; or lack thereoff when I'm anxious and stressed, which leads to a deterioration of everything else and a recurrence of depression.

I don't feel low so much as shattered and frustrated as I was getting there! I also need to learn to say "No" and offering to do things for people and start doing thing just for me... feels so alien though. My boss is of the opinion I am of an age where I should know how to say no and I think she was basically scolding me! It a bit easier for her to say no though; I have four separate supervisors/managers pulling rank and delegating to me... I need to learn how to pass that back to them and get them to sort it out before the three of them pull me in different directions and completely apart .

Anyway, today I should be studying but I am going to start with gutting my flat as it's doing my head in!

My RBS loan is now sitting at £3,560.34, with another £13.90 waiting to come off.

I still don't know if we were successful in any of our olympic ticket bids... assuming there's no chance we'd get them all and so will have something back from that money that can go to RBS.

MatyMoo

Hi Nicca

Sorry you are not feeling up to par, I am not going to scold you as you seem to know what is causing it. I am another one that doesn't eat properly when I am stressed or upset, I seem to do it instead of losing the plot with someone, and it usually resolves itself after a couple of weeks.

The loan figures are looking great and I am loving the quotes that pop up :T

Thinking of VSO and this particular comment the whole thing felt huge and scary. You were brave enough to get off your butt and drive South last year to help a complete stranger along with a few people that you had never actually met before so this is just another step like that I am sure that if you actually started to make plans to do it everything else would fall in to place and you would have something that would help you to focus on resolving the debt too.

The black & white photo of you and the monkey - if that is the one on FB it is gorgeous!

Take care

Maty
-x-

niccatw

Thanks Maty :A. Just telling people helps me slowly get back to me. I didn't clean the flat today; I've slept. Thankfully not in the sunshine or I would now be hallucinating and looking like a lobster . Not sure if I feel better for it or even more annoyed with myself! Won't dwell on it, need to jump in the shower and head to second job.

Spoke to an old colleaugue of mine today too. Mentioned I was feeling disillusioned with the politics and the bureaucracy of work and not actually getting to see or do things with the people I work for; the people who were the reason I went into the job I do and the reason I love the job I do - when I get to do it! She is independent now and said she'll keep me in mind when things are busier, so I can try a new direction in a safe way and see if it's for me.

And maybe that's what I need. I'm sure it was Oprah Winfrey that said something about the knocks and bumps of life being a way of telling you you might need to change course. (Maty, I adopted Cheri's idea of using quotes as I liked it so much. And clearly I've been absorbing many if I can real off a sentence like the one above :rotfl:)

So a few seedlings there that may grow into oak trees in time (that's not a quote; that's just me waffling).

Maty - yes, that's the photo. The monkey is just adorable and I was his favourite person all weekend (:D:D:D) so he wanted his photo taken with Aunty Nicca. Just as well because mummy hates getting her photo taken. Mind you, when that monkey isn't happy, oh boy!!!!!!!

Right, best get a shift on. Take care all x

Butti

niccatw wrote: »

I haven't registered for VSO yet as it takes 20 minutes and is essentially an initial application with work experiences and a statement on why you want to do it, so I need a bit of time to think about it and make sure I have everything I need to hand. Next weekend I'm completely free, so I've pencilled it in for then. Pester me if I haven't done it!

Maybe print it off if you can so you can jot bits in (in a weeks time if you like )

I'm going back to the docs at the end of the month (the doc I've been going to is on annual leave and I refuse to go to the one who told me to go get my hair cut and pamper myself.). And I think I should go back to counselling.

I think both of these are good. Counselling just helps because its an impartial person sitting looking on from the outside. Everything becomes a bit clear. I agree that when you can't be bothered to eat properly it's a bit of a sign, along with not being bothered about a lot of things. It was definately a sign for me after my mum died.

I don't feel low so much as shattered and frustrated as I was getting there! I also need to learn to say "No" and offering to do things for people and start doing thing just for me... feels so alien though. My boss is of the opinion I am of an age where I should know how to say no and I think she was basically scolding me! It a bit easier for her to say no though; I have four separate supervisors/managers pulling rank and delegating to me... I need to learn how to pass that back to them and get them to sort it out before the three of them pull me in different directions and completely apart .

It is very easy for people who have been trained to be assertive and haven't had the stuffing kicked out of them to say No. It feels alien to you and that is to be expected. You are trying and you are getting somewhere so be proud of that.

And do pass it back to them. Have a clear idea of what you are doing each day / week and if one of them wants you to prioritise their work ask them what should give and whether they or you are going to tell that manager that their work will be later as a result.

You do seem to be seeing the problems clearly Nic, and recognise you need support, its just multiple managers are a nightmare and they always think their work is more important!!! I think you're doing very well.

B

niccatw

Thank you Butti. Good, sensible advice. You made me smile. I have been asking to go on assertiveness/working with difficult people courses for years, but as there is no training budget and it's "not related to my work", I didn't get funding. Pah!

I tried to print off the VSO stuff, but it's an online applic. form and it wouldn't let me proceed through the pages leaving any blanks, so I couldn't even jot down the questions. I've been familiarising myelf with their site and what they do so I can link my answers in to that. I wonder if I should also go to one of their support group meetings before filling it out so I can speak to the people who have already been through the process. No harm in emailing to find out. (I may be typing out loud right now .)

I have found my way back to the NSD thread and am signed up for 15 this month. Today will hopefully be the 4th. No plans to do anything other than actually clean this flat!!!! Don't feel anywhere near as sleepy today but am looking at my room and wondering where to start! Maybe a day of 15 minutes here and 15 minutes there...

I have decided not to do any studying. This makes me feel slightly sick! However, I know my concentration is not up to it and I could waste a day staring a blurry words and feel just as sick at the end of it. Tomorrow I need to be brave and phone the professor, again! Tell him how I've been and see what we can do from there.

Mental note to self (and any-one else out there thinking of doing the same) Do not begin a postgrad certificate course within 6 months of returning to work after being off sick for 6 months with anxiety and depression!!!

And I tell people I am good at common sense! :rotfl: Common sense is not so common. Voltaire

niccatw

You know that way when you start gutting your house and the chaos gets worse before it gets better....

I'm still in the bedroom.... still in the corner.... I really don't know how there is still hair on my head; it is everywhere!

Nothing like a bit of swing music to get you dancing around the room though so I'll be backing out of the corner imminently and making my way around the rest of the room!

This girl has too many clothes, too many shoes and too many books.

MatyMoo

niccatw wrote: »

This girl has too many clothes, too many shoes and too many books.

Me too But I have a 3 bed house to fill :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: or should that be :eek::eek::eek: