Reach for the stars...

niccatw

Oh, and counselling was good. No new revelations; I've mostly shared my concerns about my eating on here anyway. The hard part is being disciplined about actually cooking and eating properly; especially when I'm stressed and anxious. However, Butti is right, it's so useful to have some-one completely outsied your situation just listening and pulling out your thoughts and helpnig you put them is some kind of order.

So I'm going to try a few things.... a "ready, steady cook" type night every month-ish with a few friends (they don't know this yet! But going try and get them on board!), maybe see if some cooking classes would help me see cooking as fun and creative rather than tedious and functional and maybe see if I can check out forums on a website for eating disorders. (This one scares me as I wouldn't have classed myself as having an eating disorder, but I have to admit that right now, I don't feel in control of my eating. But then, I don't feel in control at the moment and that's not the best feeling for a control freak! :rotfl:)

That sounds melodramatic! Clearly I'm still functioning and I'm not off sick, so I'm in a hugely better place than I was at the beginning of my diary writing. I just mean, by my standards, I don't feel in control. I'm trying to teach myself that it's ok to let things go; I don't need to do everything. Never mind do everything perfectly! :eek: :rotfl: And I know there are some of you reading who will apreciate that's easier to type than to do!!!

MrsMoo2U

Well I consider that a very productive spending day. Everything you got you would have had to buy at some point. I think I get the NSDs are different for everybody. The thing is that I have never been a spender so to speak. My "debt" is specific to a particular thing and most people would have had it on their mortgage and not seen it as debt as such. My problem is more Not spending when I really should if you see what I mean. That isnt to say that I dont need to learn to budget more effectively and I am learning lots from the site so my spending is more controlled in a less obsessive way (if you see what I mean)

Oh no, I love that site. I did and aromatherapy diploma some years ago and passed with flying colours so I do like to use natural oils for cleaning. I have a great book called The Fragrant Pharmacy I love it and use it a lot. One of my favourite things is carpet freshener made with Bicarb and my favourite of the day natural oil. So thanks for that link will head over and have a look.

Completely with you on the smashy pot thing. It seemed a complete waste of money to me when I worked out that you had to smash it. Would sooner have my three little pigs around the house.

MatyMoo

niccatw wrote: »

I always thought I’d publish a book and dedicate it to my English teacher (I had the same one for 5 out of my 6 years there. I wish I still had my school jotters to see what I wrote then and what I thought of it now... wonder if my folks have them in the loft...). [/SIZE][/FONT]

I realised both that it's a long time since I just sat down and started writing and also that I had nothing to lose by giving it a go. I know I’m worried I’ve misplaced my imagination somewhere along the way, but hey, maybe it'll turn up! My diary is called “reach for the stars”, so I should probably stretch up and reach for them. It might be more fulfilling a past-time than me shouting at my sewing machine and snapping needle after needle! :rotfl:

The prof. has given me a two week extension. Apparently he told my boss he admires my persistence as many students would have given up by now! I knew being a stubborn cow might come in useful one day! (Although, there’s something to be said for being brave enough to walk away! And if the NHS, the voluntary sector and the care sector weren’t in such a scary places right now, I may have been more willing to do so!) So let's see how module three goes!!!


PS Kept losing posts. I’m a slow learner, but I eventually realised, it might be quicker and less frustrating to copy and paste from word!

You think you will have trouble with creative writing???? Do you have any idea how much stuff I had to delete to quote the bits I wanted!!!!! :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

I am sure you have a book inside you, so get reaching for those starts

I love the fact that the Prof isn't giving up on you, see he knows you can do it but you just need a bit more time. We know you can do it, so bring on module 3 :T

Slow learner here too, but have now learnt to do long post elsewhere and copy and paste too

niccatw wrote: »

Oh, and counselling was good. No new revelations; I've mostly shared my concerns about my eating on here anyway. The hard part is being disciplined about actually cooking and eating properly; especially when I'm stressed and anxious. However, Butti is right, it's so useful to have some-one completely outsied your situation just listening and pulling out your thoughts and helpnig you put them is some kind of order.

So I'm going to try a few things.... a "ready, steady cook" type night every month-ish with a few friends (they don't know this yet! But going try and get them on board!), maybe see if some cooking classes would help me see cooking as fun and creative rather than tedious and functional and maybe see if I can check out forums on a website for eating disorders. (This one scares me as I wouldn't have classed myself as having an eating disorder, but I have to admit that right now, I don't feel in control of my eating. But then, I don't feel in control at the moment and that's not the best feeling for a control freak! :rotfl:)

That sounds melodramatic! Clearly I'm still functioning and I'm not off sick, so I'm in a hugely better place than I was at the beginning of my diary writing. I just mean, by my standards, I don't feel in control. I'm trying to teach myself that it's ok to let things go; I don't need to do everything. Never mind do everything perfectly! :eek: :rotfl: And I know there are some of you reading who will apreciate that's easier to type than to do!!!

Love the sound of Ready Steady Cook nights and a cooking course. Have you thought about Safari Suppers? If you have pals living in close(ish) proximity you all do a course and wander from house to house for each course - added fun can be had by turning into a theme (chinese/mexican/indian etc) so that food and attire has to follow the theme.

Eating disorders have lots of variations so don't be panicked by the label, doesn't mean you are anorexic or bulimic. I go through phases when I just stop eating for a few days, usually when I am upset or stressed about something my appetite is the first thing to go. From working with an anorexic and reading about it to see if we could or should be doing anything to help her I found that it can be a sort of control - when everything around you is out of your control you take control of the one thing you can, i.e. what goes in your mouth. Now that, I understood, so maybe that is what I do too, even without consciously realising it. But me? Anorexic???? :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Maty
-x-

MrsMoo2U

Maty, I have to agree with the control and eating disorders. I had a friend who was anorexic at school so we learned quite a lot. The whole eating/not eating is absolutely about controlling the one thing that you know only you have the power over. I also stop eating when I am stressed or upset. However I did go through a period of literally stuffing my face everyday. I was going through a tough time with my ex and didnt like my job. I went from being 8 stone to 11 stone. I had been 7 stone for most of my adult life. When my ex eventually left me I stopped eating and was back to 9 stone in about a month. I had no control over anything else and so I decided that I was going to try my best to get back to the old me and this was the only way I could do it.

Well done for identifying that you need to be careful with your eating Nic but you dont need to attach a label just learn how to control it in a more healthy way.

Butti

I think for some people it's also something they are 'good' at. I always seem to revert at times of major stress and then notice my thought patterns are starting to say 'You haven't eaten today....that's good!'

This is no comment on anyone else by the way!

Maybe Nic, if you are a control freak your eating is a sort of rebellion against yourself (Just call me Sigmund!!!) but things can be overanalysed. Sometimes you just have to treat yourself with a bit of love and respect.

Oh and if your thread keeps breaking you may have the needle in back to front. My lesson from last Christmas!

B x

niccatw

MatyMoo wrote: »

You think you will have trouble with creative writing???? Do you have any idea how much stuff I had to delete to quote the bits I wanted!!!!! :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

I've no idea how you all aren't nodding off by the time you get through my posts! I put all those deliberate typos in to ensure you keep paying attention. Wouldn't want you bashing your foreheads on your computer screens! :rotfl:

I've read loads on eating disorders and that kind of stuff. Which is essentially what I was saying to the counsellor. I know what healthy eating is. I am pretty clued up on what I specifically need as a veggie. It's just doing it - continuously and with sustainability! And not getting so annoyed by people's need to comment on what I'm eating (or not)! Perils of being a veggie, I'm afraid. But even more tedious when you are trying to eat healthily and people feel the need to stuff you with cakes because your "skinny" (For the record I hate that word! :cool: Slim, slender, sexy... any one of those will do! ).

Personally I think a brand new spanking kitchen would help! :rotfl: In all seriousness though, I've spoken to a counsellor, I'll see my GP in a couple of weeks and I'm telling you all here. I'm in way more control of my eating than a lot of people I see around me. You are all right; it's about being aware of it. I think what scares me is how quickly I can not notice it whan I am stressed. But I guess that's the control freak in me. Sometimes you can't prepare for all eventualities and need to just go with the flow!

Safari suppers sounds like a fab idea Maty! My friend's are mostly across the river from me though and you'd think I lived a million miles away! However, nothing to stop them doing all the cooking their side of the river and me skipping around gobbling it all up!

Butti, I think the needle problem on the sewing machine and overlocker are due to my "bull in a china shop" approach! :rotfl: And immediate impatience when it doesn't go as I anticipated! I'm all fingers and thumbs!

Of to check my bank balance and see if the money I'm expecting has checked in yet! I think I'll go to Wickerman festival with my friend and her kiddies. It's no-where near as expensive as some of the festivals and close enough to her house that we can nip home for a proper shower if needed! After that I'm going to pop some popcorn and watch a movie!

Today is NSD 8.

niccatw

Another £5.14 heading to RBS.

Deliberating on whether or not to go out tonight and meet some friends who are up from London. I got a message acouple of hours ago so they've all been out sine then. It'll take me about another hour to get to them (if I stop faffing ) and I'm not sure I can be bothered if they have all been drinking for the last three hours!

It'll also ruin my NSD! I'll jump in the shower and see how I feel!

I've had a very lazy day today. Again I have mostly slept. And when I wasn't doing that I was reading. Today's book of choice was "To Die For: Is Fashion Wearing Out the World." Very interesting!

MatyMoo

So, did you go?

MrsMoo2U

Hope you enjoyed your lazy day. We all need them. I am designating today as slob out day. Hey it is the one thing that I return to from my catholic upbringing Rest on Sunday ( I am recovering from the rest still) Did you go out?

niccatw

Na! After such a lazy day, the thought of standing in a busy bar with friends who were already drunk wasn't hugely appealing! After my shower I decided I'd cleanse and tone my face, paint my toenails, that kind of thing. Then I curled up and watched Knight and Day. Which was rubbish, but in a watchable way! So I now have 9 NSDs.

Today I have also been mostly sleeping. Which is far too much sleep for one person! I'm now wondering whether to walk to the shopping centre, which is a fair trek but good for my training. I need a few bits and pieces. And it might balance up the whole sleep thing! (Though today I feel refreshed. Yesterday I just felt heavy. Definitley going to get the doc to check my iron levels.)

However, I have also picked one of my cookbooks off the shelf and am beginning to make a meal plan for the week. If I need a lot of stuff, I might have to take the car! Unless I act like a ned (similar to chav I believe) and try to bring the shopping right back to my door in the trolley! :eek: