Children left at home alone

MrsTinks

I take it your ex hasn't heard about Madeliene McCann then? They were 100yards away from the apartment...

It's one thing being in the garden pegging up washing... it's another to leave the property they are in where you can't see or hear them. I'd be furious too in all honesty, but I think the alcohol is as big if not a bigger problem in my eyes.

springclean

just to give my two penn'th - if they were my kids they would not go back again until i had an absolute assurance that they will NEVER be left alone again.

hippy, let's face it you know about it now, and if anything did happen and you were in the know and did nothing you would be as much in the wrong.

as someone else said, what if he pops out and is in an accident. i shudder at the thought...

hippychick1

We haven't spoken in a week, as he refused to come and see the children, on his set day for having them, because he was taking his girlfriend out for a meal. I went mad because he was letting them down, but apparently I was trying to control his life, telling him what to do.

Anyway, he has just phoned and been as nice as pie on the phone, as though our argument never happened. I felt very angry with him, but chatted away to him. I feel now we are back to being friends again. I didn't mention this issue, as I want to discuss it face to face. I feel better about seeing him tomorrow now.

I still am absolutely gobsmacked at what he has done, and just waiting to see how he tries to justify himself.

frostyspice

hippychick1 wrote: »

I have absolutely no idea what could be so important. Possibly alcohol, as he has quite a problem with alcohol, or cigarettes.

How did I know you were going to say this?
If he's that desperate to get the alcohol in, then you need to consider whether he's opening it when he gets home while still in charge of the children. Why else would he need to go and get it while they were still there?

Why don't you ask him what's so important that he needs to buy it NOW?

And if you stopped contact it wouldn't be to punish him, it would be to ensure your children's safety and your own peace of mind. Don't let him make you feel as if you are being unreasonable over this, that's just manipulation on his part.

mrcow

Hippychick - I wouldn't go overboard. You could risk ill feeling and it doesn't have to be that way.

When you see him next just say "You know it's not safe to leave the kids on their own don't you? It's not fair to leave eldest in charge - anthing could happen....what if someone rang on the doorbell - what would you expect the children to do?" .......(and then also list what else could happen fire/choking/accident/break in).

Tell him next time to make sure he has what he needs before they come over and that if he needs to go down to the shop then he takes everyone with him.

Most "normal" people will be mortified enough once the obvious has been pointed out to them. Some people just don't think. It's not an intelligence thing - some people just don't immediately see what's wrong with what they are doing/allowing to happen.

If he still doesn't get it, then come back here before you choose your next move.

*Louise*

Some people just don't think until it is pointed out to them.

I wouldn't stop all contact through this, but if I were in that situation it would all hinge on how he reacted to the discussion. If he was amicable and a little apologetic and genuinely had just not thought, I would let it go. If he got all defensive, angry nd thought I was worrying about nothing, I would start to insist on supervised contact at a relatives house for a while.

I don't know what everyone else's 2 year olds are like, but I wouldn't even peg out washing with mine running around, she would be into everything. :eek: I strap her into her toddler chair with a book or toys while I do stuff outwith the house - or even upstairs tbh.

Hippychick - good luck with the discussion, I hope he understands your point.

mummy_Jay

Start with a conversation with DS1 about what he would do it either of the other children had an accident when in his care, tell him you think its too much for him to have to care for both of them, he should be allowed to have fun and play with his things, not watching over little one and if it happens again to call you straight away. (make sure he has your number on him at all times, in his coat or something).

I have another question were the children locked in the house? if so what we're they suppose to do incase of an accident, how could they get out?
Or was the door unlocked in which case what were they suppose to do if someone came to the door and what would stop them deciding to go for a wonder down the street?

Make notes on what he has done, try and find out how often he has done this (was it a one off or a weekly occurance?), when, that kind o fthing. Get your thoughts clear in your head.

Give him some ground rules on whats is and is not acceptable, or maybe you need to consider making his access supervised for a while until you feel comfortable leaving your childrens safetly in his hands.

bertiebots

Good to hear he is speaking to you again and hope tomorrows talk goes well .

miamoo

Hi Hippychick, I just wanted to add that personally I wouldnt bother trying to say what you want in a nice way, just say 'I need a word about you leaving the kids, I'm not happy about it, its dangerous etc ....' and then leave it at that.
From what you have said you sound abit scared of what his reaction will be, so dont ask him whether he did it/why he did it. Just say I know you did, there is no excuses dont do it again.

I had a 'situation' with my kids dad a little like yours, and I tended to tiptoe around him so I didnt upset him (or he wouldnt have the kids) but one day I just decided he wasn't a good influence on them anyway the way he was acting, so I told him to his face.
He was so shocked, he really took notice (I always tryed to talk to him in a nice way, but not this time lol!) and he really pulled his socks up.
He is great with them now.

Curious_George_2

pramsay13 wrote: »

I have a 2 year old and a 4 month old.
There are plenty of times when I am in the house alone with the two children, and I will not see either of them for an hour or two at a time (during nap time for the younger one), the older one might be playing in his room with his train set.
If I am out the back garden doing something is that okay?
If I am in the garage doing something for half an hour is that okay?
If I am going to the shop at the end of the road is that okay?
At the minute we draw the line at leaving the property, so garden or garage are okay, but not the shop.

as worrying as the op is... i find this just as disturbing!
im currently in the room with my 2 year old and in the last hour ive have had to rescue him from standing on the window sill twice, stop him from pulling all the books off the shelf and have had to comfort him once when he fell over a toy...
he's not naughty... hes two years old and bumbles around from one interesting looking adventure to the next with little regard to what happens in between... and that means i cant trust him to make the best decisions for any longer than me popping to the loo, let alone an hour!!!
popping out to the garden? yes ... mowing the lawn for 15 mins 1/2 hour? no
nipping to the garage? yes... doing something for 1/2 hour without checking? no
going to the shop and leaving them? never.

people please... tell me its not just me!
restore my faith in parenting!