Children left at home alone

hippychick1

I just want to assure everyone that DS1 is NOT feeling guilty about what he said. When he mentioned the incident I admit I said 'What??!!' and stood there with my mouth wide open. He then realised he had said something quite wrong, and I then realised my reaction had upset him. He mumbled something about dad just popping out quickly, so I just said, 'well done you for being such a great big brother looking after you brother and sister, aren't you grown up'. He then smiled, and it was all forgotten about.

My initial reaction when I heard this was to launch into full scale protection mode and wanted to ring the NSPCC, police, anyone who would listen :mad: I calmed down a bit, then posted on here! I will wait until Tuesday evening till I speak to my ex about it, and hopefully he will realise that it's just not on. I do very much doubt it though, as I know he will see it as me questioning his parenting abilities. I'll have to see what happens.

joey75

pramsay13 wrote: »

This is a current debate in our house.
I have a 2 year old and a 4 month old. My wife is a social worker so completely aware of the law and problems when care is not being taken.
There are plenty of times when I am in the house alone with the two children, and I will not see either of them for an hour or two at a time (during nap time for the younger one), the older one might be playing in his room with his train set.
If I am out the back garden doing something is that okay?
If I am in the garage doing something for half an hour is that okay?
If I am going to the shop at the end of the road is that okay?
At the minute we draw the line at leaving the property, so garden or garage are okay, but not the shop.
I want my children to grow up with a bit of freedom and learning responsibility from a very young age as I did, but obviously society has changed and there are different pressures on parents nowadays.
It's tricky for us even though my wife and I are in agreement on this kind of thing, so it must be a nightmare if you don't get on famously and are trying to deal with parenting issues.
In this instance though I think a quiet word should suffice, pointing out the relevant legislation, but not much more than that in this instance. Obviously if you have other concerns then you should weigh everything up.

obviously you must have a concern otherwise you wouldnt be asking for advice follow your instinct and your heart!!

joey75

pigpen wrote: »

Yes, he'd not know who reported him.. could be anyone.. workmate, neighbour, person from the shop he popped to!

Depends on how receptive he is to criticism from the ex too.. some are almost human in their reaction others are beyond primitive.

Not knowing the man in question I'd err on the side of caution.. so I didn't get my face pummelled.. or the children weren't subject to a screaming rage.

who cares who reported him!! if he cares then he wouldnt be leaving young children alone!! it makes me sick that people think children are so invalide nowadays im sorry but im so angry that nothing is done to ptotect children when it should be!! im sorry to get on my high horse but i know someone who leaves her child at risk everyday i have reported her 3 times to sociol services and they have done nothing the man in question has given the child vodka and fags left him alone several times been stopped by police twice at 2am in the morning whilst being drunk with the child on toe, held a knife to the mothers throat after breaking into the house with the young boy aged 3 watching it just goes on and on and the mother is the worst alchoholic ever negletic high on the list and nothing has been done to protect this child as a mother you should follow what you think is right and protect your children!! before you end up in the wrong (ps the mother of the 3 year old knows what goes on with the father but still lets the child be in the situation) why is this allowed to happen please someone tell me because i cant understand does this child have to end up dead before anyone takes notice!!:(

jellyhead

paddy's_mum wrote: »

I'd be blowing steam if this was my children unless he can show that a 7 year old is capable of picking up and carrying out both his younger siblings in the event of disaster, say a fire.

And keep them under physical control, in the same place, if one of them wants to run back in for a teddy or the family hamster ...

My youngest is 4 and I would leave him with my 13 year old without worrying, because even if I was hit by a bus on the way to the shop my 13 year old would have some idea of time, would know that I'd been gone too long and would call the numbers that he knows by heart for my mum, my sister etc. and call at neighbours houses if he needed help. Also, 13 year old could feed and play with 4 year old if necessary until Daddy got home from work.

But if I had a 2 year old then no way could my 13 year old cope, not even with a 2 year old on their own let alone a 2 year old AND a 4 year old.

If the dad insists that the 7 year old can cope with the 4 year old he could still take the 2 year old with him - why wouldn't you take a 2 year old to the shops anyway? They can't really go an entire day without getting dressed and going outside, surely?

jellyhead

ford_prefect wrote: »

Communicating with exes is never easy so you are going to have to sell it to him in a way that makes it appear your concern is for him and the children.

First make a short bullet point list which includes the kids safety but also what happens if he gets knocked down by a bus and cant come back?

Point out that the eldest likes responsibility but that you think its a little too much at this age for him to deal with in case the father is delayed getting back.

Ask him if he has a neighbour that can sit in (you may know he has so suggest the idea) if he needs to run errands to the shop.

If you give him solutions he wont see it as a problem whereas if you just tell him it has to stop with no idea what he should do he will wander back into his cave, scratch his nuts and ignore you.

:T

I'd add to that that a 2 year old is just too little to be left. If it ever happens again then he should at least take the 2 year old with him.

jellyhead

hippychick1 wrote: »

I just want to assure everyone that DS1 is NOT feeling guilty about what he said.

No, but if you stopped contact because of this would your DS1 feel somehow responsible?

It's a difficult situation for you. Is there someone else, possibly his own mum, who could talk to him about it?

hippychick1

He is not on speaking terms with his family anymore, because of the way he has treated me in the past. To be honest, he has so far been very good with the children. This seems to have come completely out of the blue.

I'm hoping we can discuss this amicably, but just the thought of talking it through with him is making me feel sick. I don't think he is going to be very receptive to what I have to say. I honestly think he will just deny it ever happened.

Bennifred

hippychick1 wrote: »

He is not on speaking terms with his family anymore, because of the way he has treated me in the past. To be honest, he has so far been very good with the children. This seems to have come completely out of the blue.

I'm hoping we can discuss this amicably, but just the thought of talking it through with him is making me feel sick. I don't think he is going to be very receptive to what I have to say. I honestly think he will just deny it ever happened.

Well, even if he does, you still have to let him know that it is unacceptable, so that it doesn't happen again. It would hopefully make him think twice next time. i must admit though that I'd be worried he'd do it again and warn your boy not to tell you:(

hippychick1

Bennifred wrote: »

Well, even if he does, you still have to let him know that it is unacceptable, so that it doesn't happen again. It would hopefully make him think twice next time. i must admit though that I'd be worried he'd do it again and warn your boy not to tell you:(

I have the same thought going through my head. Once I've spoken to him I am hoping he will see sense, and realise it is just not safe to do this. I really really do not want my son brought into this. DS1 would not know what to say if his dad asked him to do this, he would feel very uncomfortable.

I am wondering if my ex had actually said this to him before, because as soon as DS1 saw my face he realised he'd said something quite bad. I really hope my ex did not ask DS1 to keep quiet about it.

Bennifred

Hmmm - it wouldn't hurt to gently remind your children that no-one should tell them to keep secrets from their Mum and that there is nothing that they can't tell you about. Doesn't have to be linked to their father - it applies to all sorts of situations.