Children left at home alone

fernliebee

Curious George I feel the same. I am the type of parent that believes children should be encouraged to take certain risks but never left unattended. I let DD play in the living room while I cook in the kitchen and she is in and out every 3 minutes showing me something, pointing something out, telling me something, popping in to 'help' me cook etc. I wouldn't ever leave her more that 10 minutes unchecked, and even then she would only be within earshot (you know you need to check them if they go quiet lol!) I never had a baby moniter as I can hear DD around the house, and her bedroom window overlooks the garden so in the summer I would poss sit out on patio with her window open a crack but thats it.

Before I went on maternity leave I worked with children for many years, and one of my roles was running a forest school. For those who know about this it is encouraging 'risky' play and allowing children to explore outside (within safe perimeters) I am not someone who believes they need wrapping in cotton wool, but I do believe it is foolish to leave children somewhere you would not be able to hear them calling for help/ crying. You are their parent you are supposed to be protecting them from serious danger!

ETA: Sorry Pramsey, but I also have to say I find it slightly worrying that your wife, who is a social worker believes this is OK too! Surely some of things she has seen happen to children who are left alone would warn her of doing this!

Caroline73_2

pramsay13 wrote: »

This is a current debate in our house.
I have a 2 year old and a 4 month old. My wife is a social worker so completely aware of the law and problems when care is not being taken.
There are plenty of times when I am in the house alone with the two children, and I will not see either of them for an hour or two at a time (during nap time for the younger one), the older one might be playing in his room with his train set.
If I am out the back garden doing something is that okay?
If I am in the garage doing something for half an hour is that okay?
If I am going to the shop at the end of the road is that okay?
At the minute we draw the line at leaving the property, so garden or garage are okay, but not the shop.
I want my children to grow up with a bit of freedom and learning responsibility from a very young age as I did, but obviously society has changed and there are different pressures on parents nowadays.
It's tricky for us even though my wife and I are in agreement on this kind of thing, so it must be a nightmare if you don't get on famously and are trying to deal with parenting issues.
In this instance though I think a quiet word should suffice, pointing out the relevant legislation, but not much more than that in this instance. Obviously if you have other concerns then you should weigh everything up.

So when the 2 year old gets a piece of train set lodged in their throat and you are in the garage/garden, how exactly are you going to stop them from choking to death?

Does your wife work at Haringay?

HarrowArrow

savingmummy wrote: »

I would not be happty at all!
It may be just a 2 min walk away, but then there is the length of time away.
A lot can happen in 2 mins! I have a almost 2 yr old and an almost 4yr old and i need eyes in the back of head 24/7 so would not expect a 7yr old (or a teen come to think of it) to be in charge so to speak!

As someone once cleverly pointed out, something could happen to him in that time, too !:eek: The key thing is that if there is a problem or hold-up, the two parties (parent & kids) are not in direct communication distance.

hippychick1

Well, I sat him down and said that DS1 mentioned he'd popped out a couple of times, leaving them at home. He immediately said, 'Oh it was just once, I'd run out of fags'. I said 'DS1 has told me it was a lot more than once'. He denied it, and said DD (2) was in bed, he ran up the shop, and was back in two minutes.

After asking him if he thought DS1 was lying to me about the amount of times he said it happened he then admitted it had happened 'a few times, but it was only two minutes, DD was in bed so what's the problem, but I won't do it again'. DS1 has told me DD was NOT in bed on all the occasions, so I know he is lying but he won't admit it.

I then said what would DS1 do if either of the younger ones started choking on something, or injured themselves? I also said what would happen if you got knocked down by a car whilst you were out? This seemed to hit home a little, when I said what would they do for hours on end being locked in a house where no one knew they were on their own?

He said he wouldn't do it again, but honestly just has no grasp of how serious this issue is to me. He seems to think, well it's only a couple of minutes, what's the harm? To try and see how serious I view this I told him that if I ever found out this had happened again, I would report him to social services, and would consider him only having supervised access. I didn't say it in anger, or nastily, but obviously this didn't go down too well. He just kept saying, but it's only a couple of minutes, what harm could they come to? Hopefully he realises he was daft leaving them alone now, and we are still on speaking terms, so I think I managed to discuss it with him quite well.

Thank you so much for all your replies on this thread. Glad I posted, it helped me calm down!!!

fernliebee

Glad you got things out in the open. Sounds as if he did actually know it was wrong, but was done out of laziness. Hopefully knowing how seriously you view it (and that you may report him) will mean it won't happen any more.

Good on you for staying calm, and talking it through. It is only natural he would be defensive, but I'm glad it seemed to sink in a bit.

Mrs_Moc

Curious_George wrote: »

as worrying as the op is... i find this just as disturbing!
im currently in the room with my 2 year old and in the last hour ive have had to rescue him from standing on the window sill twice, stop him from pulling all the books off the shelf and have had to comfort him once when he fell over a toy...
he's not naughty... hes two years old and bumbles around from one interesting looking adventure to the next with little regard to what happens in between... and that means i cant trust him to make the best decisions for any longer than me popping to the loo, let alone an hour!!!
popping out to the garden? yes ... mowing the lawn for 15 mins 1/2 hour? no
nipping to the garage? yes... doing something for 1/2 hour without checking? no
going to the shop and leaving them? never.

people please... tell me its not just me!
restore my faith in parenting!

I take my 2 YO to the loo with me, tbh I dont EVER take my eyes off him longer than a couple of seconds.

bertiebots

Really pleased to hear you are still talking. In answer to his "what harm could they come to?" question maybe you should mention the risk of house fires too next time you talk . If he smokes are there lighters or matches in the house or a cig but that hasnt been docked out properly?. Even the most sensible kids might get tempted to copy daddy perhaps and what a scary thaught that is....I am still a little concerned that he sees nothing wrong with leaving a toddler alone. If he knows he is looking after the kids he should make sure he has enough of whatever he "needs" from the shop before the children arrive. Maybe next time you drop them off take him a pack of cigs and say "these are just in case you run out!" maybe he will start to get the messege. Glad you stayed calm as I dont think I would have done!

bonty44

Totally unacceptable for him to do this.
The McCanns were only a couple of minutes away - enough said.
It's not fair / sensible / appropriate to leave a 7 year old alone in the house, let alone with the responsibility of 2 younger children ... my 7 year old is very mature and grown up but the furthest I've left him is for me to go in the back garden to hang out the washing, and even then I call through to check he's okay

hippychick1

I did say to him, why didn't you just put their shoes and coats on and take them with you? He said the first time was when we had all that snow, and he didn't want to take them out. I said 'welcome to my world, of being a single parent trapped in the house with the children. Where you go, they go, that's just how it is'

I still don't understand how he could possibly think it's ok to leave such young children, but hopefully I've got my point across.

tandraig

hippychick - its this 'its only for two minutes what could happen in two minutes' thinking which worries me.
my reply to that is that in two minutes - a child can drown, in two minutes a child can choke, or turn on something they shouldnt (like a gas cooker), or find a lighter or matches and set fire to something.
heck - when babysitting the grandkids under five if i have to go to the bathroom i leave all the doors open and run up stairs have a quick pee and run down to kitchen to wash hands all the while listening hard to make sure i can hear them! paranoid maybe - but if you had had my youngest you will know just how much trouble they can get into in 30 seconds - never mind two minutes!