Children left at home alone

hippychick1

I always read this forum, and think the advice given is fab, so am just after a little advice.

I have just discovered that when my ex has our children (7, 4 and 2) he occasionally pops down the shop (2 mins away) and leaves DS1 'in charge'. I am absolutely gobsmacked at this, and plan to speak to him about it when I see him again this week. How can he think this is ok?

There have been a couple of other issues with him concerning the children, and I am seriously considering not letting him see the children anymore. I know I cannot dictate how he sees fit to bring our children up when I am not around, but honestly, at the minute I am fuming. Please someone tell me if I am over reacting? I know deep down I wouldn't stop contact and this is just an inital kneejerk reaction from just finding out they are left alone for 5 minutes at a time. I just felt sick when I found out, anything could happen in those 5 minutes!!!!!!

msb5262

Hippychick, you are NOT overreacting. This is serious and what's more, the law sees it as serious. I don't know where you want to start with addressing the issue but let me start by reassuring you that you're right to want to address it.
Best wishes
MsB

frostyspice

This IS serious. I'd be very concerned if I was in your position. I'd wonder what other crazy decisions he was making if he thinks that's acceptable. A seven year old shouldn't be left alone at all, let alone 'in charge' of two younger children.

What's he popping down to the shop for anyway? Can't it wait?

tandraig

in my opinion hippychick you arent over-reacting as i wouldnt have left kids of that age in the house on their own to pop down shop or any other reason!
a 7year old cant be left 'in charge'! thats illegal!
you say its your ex - you need to speak to your solicitor about access arrangements! this is not on!

jackomdj

Unfortunately government guidelines state "
There is no legal age limit for leaving a child on their own, but it is an offence to leave a child alone if it places them at risk. Parents can be prosecuted if they leave a child unsupervised ‘in a manner likely to cause unnecessary suffering or injury to health’ (Children and Young Person’s Act)." see http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Parents/Yourchildshealthandsafety/Yourchildssafetyinthehome/DG_070594

It does then go on to say "
How mature is the child?

The most important factor to consider is how mature the child is. For example, it may be okay to leave a mature 12 year old alone, but not a 13 year old who is not mature.
The National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (NSPCC) advises that:

• children under the age of about 12 are rarely mature enough to be left alone for a long period of time
• children under the age of 16 should not be left alone overnight
• babies, toddlers and very young children should never be left alone"

Personally I will occasionally go & knock on the neighbours door & leave the children in the house whilst I do so (to collect a parcel etc) which is no different to me being in the house & them in the garden. I would not however go anywhere where I am not within shouting distance!

bertiebots

Believe it or not there is actually no legal age limit on how old children have to be to be left alone...crazy!. I know this because I reported someone for doing it and my research said it was just guidlines, dependand on the individual child . It did mention children under 12 might fing it difficult to cope!.
Of course I may be wrong but this was the only info I found. If I were you I would be furious and reacting in the same way feeling sick etc. It is imho absolute stupidity to leave children this age alone together ...for any length of time.
Tbh as you are the childrens main carer I think you have every right to dictate how they are looked after ...and if he hasn't got the basic common sence then it is cause for concern. Maybe stopping contact all together is going a bit far but supervision might be an idea. But then only you know the full story and this must be a really horrible situation to be in. http://www.nspcc.org.uk/helpandadvice/parentsandcarers/homealone/homealone_wda35965.html
Maybe this might help you decide.

hippychick1

Thank you, thank you, thank you for your replies. They have confirmed my thinking. Honestly, when it comes to my ex, he manages to talk his way out of everything, and I am just pre-empting the discussion we will have over this. He's either going to deny it, or try to say 'Oh it's only 5 minutes, what's your problem?' I am really not looking forward to confronting him at all, as I know he will bluff his way out of it.

I found out accidently, because DS1 mentioned out of the blue how grown up he is now, because when daddy pops out to the shop he looks after DS2 and DD!!!!!!!

I have absolutely no idea what could be so important. Possibly alcohol, as he has quite a problem with alcohol, or cigarettes. I just do not understand why on earth he couldn't put their coats and shoes on and take them out with him. The shop is at the end of the street.

savingmummy

I would not be happty at all!
It may be just a 2 min walk away, but then there is the length of time away.
A lot can happen in 2 mins! I have a almost 2 yr old and an almost 4yr old and i need eyes in the back of head 24/7 so would not expect a 7yr old (or a teen come to think of it) to be in charge so to speak!

savingmummy

I have absolutely no idea what could be so important. Possibly alcohol, as he has quite a problem with alcohol, or cigarettes. I just do not understand why on earth he couldn't put their coats and shoes on and take them out with him. The shop is at the end of the street.[/QUOTE]

I wouldn`t be happy with that either.
As i said yes 5 min there and back maybe BUT fires take all of 30sec to engulf, an open door and an escapee can take all of 1min, accidents etc etc lists are endless. Some may think as if that will happen - it does happen
Hope he is more reasonable when you chat with him about it, imo it is a serious issue.

Snippa

If he's leaving them alone to pop out for alcohol, that's even more of a worry, surely? I mean, if he's that desperate to drink, even when they're there. Or if he's running out of alcohol while they're there or whatever. I certainly think you're right to worry. It may be nothing at all - maybe he only did it once in an emergency. But I think if it was me, I'd be digging a bit more.

pulliptears

playing Devils advocate...

Yes, I would be annoyed and I wouldn't have left mine at that age BUT think about your everyday routine. Are the children alone for 5 minutes while you peg out the washing for example?

Its not acceptable, but I don't feel it's worth going OTT about if he genuinely is "just 5 minutes". A quiet word would suffice IMO