please can someone help

Zazen999

Stop poking her - I think she's got the message!

mummyleads

other daughter lives in doncaster she is 19 she works and pays her own way in life

Pollycat

Pollycat wrote: »

I tend to agree with this part of Tandraig's post.
From other threads I've read, the OP left & divorced her husband and met & married the husband in this thread in a short space of time.

Nothing at all wrong with that, but perhaps the circumstances haven't allowed them to discuss a number of important issues - one being the financial situation of the eldest daughter and her Dad's legal or moral responsibilty to her.

If I were in the OP's position I would not be happy if my step daughter was racking up bills (on cars & designer gear) that she may not be able to pay just to 'look good' but not paying anything to live in a house that my OH owned.

Conversely, if my step-daughter was working hard to get a good degree at Uni and holding down a full time job so she could afford to pay some of the bills relating to the house she lived in, I'd be right behind my OH in wanting to support her if it was financially possible.

I'd really like to read the OP's answers to the points that Floss2 made:



I too think 'age 19' and 'final year at Uni' don't ring true.

Finally, the OP says:


I think the time for a chat about your OH's responsibilities to his daughter is well overdue and you need to understand why he is willing to get extra work so she 'can live the high life' - if that is indeed what she is doing.

Only you can find out if it is always going to be like this.

mummyleads
for some reason known only to you, you seem to just answer some questions.
Take a look at my post copied above - would you care to comment on any of the points I've raised?

Pollycat

Zazen999 wrote: »

Stop poking her - I think she's got the message!

mummyleads wrote: »

other daughter lives in doncaster she is 19 she works and pays her own way in life

Obviously not.

Zazen999

Pollycat wrote: »

Obviously not.

Evidently not!!!

tandraig

mummyleads wrote: »

other daughter lives in doncaster she is 19 she works and pays her own way in life

you said older daughter was nineteen too, are they twins?

Pollycat

mummyleads wrote: »

i got rmarried in dec my dh has 2 girls aged 20 and 19

mummyleads wrote: »

:eek:is is 20 and works 38 hours and attends uni car is on hp and has store /creadit cards

I think the OP has only ever said this eldest step-daughter is 20 and her sister is 19.

I think another poster referred to the elder daughter as 19.

JC9297

It seems to me the OP and her now husband should have thought a bit more about their living arrangements before he moved in with her. Presumably it was agreed that his older daughter would remain living with him whilst at university, then during her time there he met someone new and now his priorities have changed. Actually it seems to be the OP who doesn't think he should still be supporting his daughter by providing a home for her, actually saying by the time I was her age I had 2 kids and my own home as if that is something to aspire to as a 20 year old. The OP obviously thinks her 3 kids are more important than his and that they need her OH more than his daughter (we don't know how old they are but presumably they will be getting kicked out when they reach 16). The most obvious solution would have been to sell both homes and buy somewhere big enough for the whole family that would not have been his or hers but theirs. I am guessing that the OP may not be that much older than her step-daughter and resents her freedom to enjoy herself and the opportunities she has?

tandraig

my apologies - the older daughter was said by OP to be 20 in original post - must have been subsequent posts which confused me.
20 is still very young to be in final year - isnt that around 21 for basic degree?
would still like to know
what job is daughter doing - she may well NOT be working for minimum wage
but is quite well paid - and the poster HASNT said if daughter contributes to household.
does the OPs partner have to provide a home for daughter until education is finished?
does the OP work? and how old are her children?
to me it sounds like jealousy on the OPs part - that her partner loves his daughter and wants to support her - and the OP thinks that is to her detriment.