please can someone help

*Louise*

She can surely understand that at 20 she can't expect her dad to pay for all her accomodation needs?

s your partner looking to sell or just rent it out to cover costs?

If he wants to rent it he should tell her he needs to rent it out as he can't afford to run it anymore. Then give her first refusal on renting (at a lower rate maybe) make sure there is some paperwork to make it all official...then let her run the house as if it's her own, get all the bills in her name etc.

She doesn't need to feel as if she is losing her home. But she is old enough not to rely on daddy for everything.

Pollycat

tandraig wrote: »

from her post on facebook hun - all I could see was someone worried about her home, no disrespect to you at all.
er - was your Oh divorced by any chance? had custody and the marital home? this could come with conditions you know - that parent provide a home until education is finished.
I find it shameful that some people on here are assuming that the daughter is up to no good - she may well be working a full-time job and a uni course - other people have done it.
of course she could be a part-time prostitute - other people have done that too to finance university - but not if dad is providing free room and board!
but you have said yourself she works 38 hours a week! and keeps up with uni work - IS THAT living the high life????
actually OP, you dont really seem to be bothered about your partners kids, just yourself. you have a relationship with a man who has two daughters, who presumably he loves. he may or may not, have a legal obligation to provide for them until they finish university.
I would find out if thats the case if I were you.

In fairness to those people you find 'shameless' - the OP has only just confirmed (yesterday at 8:39pm) that this girl is working 38 hours a week - even though she first started this thread almost a week ago.

She's also only just confirmed that the 'brand new car' is on HP and that the designer gear is funded by store/credit cards.

How much simpler and clearer would it have been for her to explain this earlier?

Pollycat

tandraig wrote: »

er - was your Oh divorced by any chance? had custody and the marital home? this could come with conditions you know - that parent provide a home until education is finished.

I asked the same thing - no answer though.

Pollycat wrote: »

I wonder who the OH's house belonged to.
Was it the house that he lived in with his ex-wife and brought the kids up in?
If so, maybe that's why the daughter feels the way she does.

I must admit getting clear, concise information from the OP seems nigh on impossible.

Pollycat

tandraig wrote: »

actually OP, you dont really seem to be bothered about your partners kids, just yourself. you have a relationship with a man who has two daughters, who presumably he loves. he may or may not, have a legal obligation to provide for them until they finish university.
I would find out if thats the case if I were you.

I tend to agree with this part of Tandraig's post.
From other threads I've read, the OP left & divorced her husband and met & married the husband in this thread in a short space of time.

Nothing at all wrong with that, but perhaps the circumstances haven't allowed them to discuss a number of important issues - one being the financial situation of the eldest daughter and her Dad's legal or moral responsibilty to her.

If I were in the OP's position I would not be happy if my step daughter was racking up bills (on cars & designer gear) that she may not be able to pay just to 'look good' but not paying anything to live in a house that my OH owned.

Conversely, if my step-daughter was working hard to get a good degree at Uni and holding down a full time job so she could afford to pay some of the bills relating to the house she lived in, I'd be right behind my OH in wanting to support her if it was financially possible.

I'd really like to read the OP's answers to the points that Floss2 made:

The OP's stepdaughter is "19", in "final year at uni", "fulltime work".... my DS2 is almost 22 and in his final year at uni (he started at 19) & does not have time to work, if he wants to keep up with his studies.

I too think 'age 19' and 'final year at Uni' don't ring true.

Finally, the OP says:

WHAT he will get a night job so she can live the high life while i sit at home with my boys struggeling not seeing him i think not what am i soppose to do or is it allways gona be like this

I think the time for a chat about your OH's responsibilities to his daughter is well overdue and you need to understand why he is willing to get extra work so she 'can live the high life' - if that is indeed what she is doing.

Only you can find out if it is always going to be like this.

tandraig

mummyleads wrote: »

:eek:is is 20 and works 38 hours and attends uni car is on hp and has store /creadit cards

things have since got worse as now my own private income has finished so spoke to dh about her having to pay he said ill get a night job

WHAT he will get a night job so she can live the high life while i sit at home with my boys struggeling not seeing him i think not what am i soppose to do or is it allways gona be like this

So you dont work at the moment then mummyleads?
I find it rather ironic then that you choose to describe someone who is holding down a fulltime job and a fulltime further education course as 'living the high life'
I dont mean to be harsh, but from the little information you have posted you arent (in my eyes) coming out of this very well.

floss2

mummyleads wrote: »

i have 3 kids and his house is only 2 beds while myne is 3

tandraig wrote: »

So you dont work at the moment then mummyleads? .....

Wonder if by "private income" she means maintenance for her 3 kids?

tandraig

I have that impression too floss - but if maintenance is ending - how old are the kids? and do they contribute to the household expenses as if thats the case they must all be over 16!

foreign_correspondent

...if this kid is managing to hold down a full time job and study at university she wants a medal as big as a bin lid!!!

... if she is in her final year, and working too, the last thing she needs is to have to move out halfway through, though I do not see how she can be in her final year aged 19/20..

.. if she is in her final year, she will be finished in May/june anyway - I would set some time after that as the deadline to move out, if that is what needs to happen. If getting a lodger in would solve the financial trouble, maybe her dad can help her with that, as I expect she does not have a lot of free time? As it is his property he would be the landlord anyway, so should meet potential tenents, get contracts sorted out etc...

If they will be living with her, I think she needs to meet them too, and may have friends who would be interested, but ultimately the responsibility is with the owner of the house.

I do not expect that when she started university and planned to study whilst living at home that she expected her dad to move out and leave her to sort the house out, (and it sounds like its all happened quite quickly) so to expect her to sort all this out is a bit much, as I said, especially if she is working and studying, and in her final year too!

tandraig

yes FC and there is a younger daughter too! where does she live? how old is she? there is a lot which ISNT being said on this thread! and i get the feeling that the OP hasnt had the unanimous support she hoped for and has gone away! too many awkward questions?

Pollycat

tandraig wrote: »

yes FC and there is a younger daughter too! where does she live? how old is she? there is a lot which ISNT being said on this thread! and i get the feeling that the OP hasnt had the unanimous support she hoped for and has gone away! too many awkward questions?

Tandraig
I asked the same question about the younger daughter a few days ago - no answer.

Pollycat wrote: »

No mention of the younger daughter - wonder where she lives?

I also said the following yesterday:

Pollycat wrote: »

I must admit getting clear, concise information from the OP seems nigh on impossible.

I've asked lots of questions of the OP, most of which have gone unanswered - so quite possibly too many awkward questions for her.