please can someone help

busiscoming2

Not an easy situation. Can your dh not tell her he is going to rent the house out and if she wants to rent it she can or find another place to live. I am sure she could find a freind to move in with her, especially being at uni.

C_Mababejive

Sounds like bread and butter Jeremy Kyle material to me..

Morgan_Ree

Does your DH actually own this other house or is it rented?

Kay_Peel

She's upset at losing her family home. She's worried about where she is going to live next. That seems natural and normal, to me.

My own children went through this phase when their father moved out of his home to be with his new partner. They recognise now that they were being irrational and childish about the loss of their old life.

In my ex's house was just a few streets away from mine. They had their own bedrooms and were surrounded by their own things. When I was working nights, weekends and bank holidays, they stayed there - but they also dropped in whenever they felt like it. They were made to feel that it was their home as well as their father's. When he moved away, all that changed. They had to phone before they called and were often asked to postpone their visit for a more convenient time. When they did visit they were 'guests' who were expected to leave after a couple of hours. The place was filled with photos of the new partner's children (and they had the bedrooms) but there was no photos of them. They never had any time alone with their father and eventually they stopped going. They saw very little of him when they went away to University.

They felt well and truly turfed out. My ex became a father to a new family and there was, literally, no room for them (or that's how they felt).

My advice is to make sure that your new husband doesn't foul up his relationship with his daughters by failing to recognise the upheavals and stresses that the sale of the house will cause.

My advice to you is to take a back seat and not get involved. Perhaps have a big photo of both the girls in a prominent place - just to show them that they are constantly in your thoughts and that you consider them to be an important part of your family. You may not be able to give one or other a bedroom in your house, but you might want to talk to them about the arrangements for overnight stays (have you got a blow-up mattress or a sofa bed? Could they bring a sleeping bag?) It's not ideal but it will show them that you expect them to stay on occasions.

I know they are old enough to be more mature about these things but the fact is, if they are anything like my two children, they will be childish about the losing their home. Your gain has been their loss. As long as you know that then you can deal with it.

Finally, be kind to them.

I wish you all the best.

elsien

A bit confused by you saying she works full time and is at uni. If the Uni is the full time work you refer to, then it's not full time and most students get a job to fit round their lectures and to cover living expenses.

Pollycat

mummyleads wrote: »

i do really know what to do i am so cross long sorry

i got rmarried in dec my dh has 2 girls aged 20 and 19

we both lived on the same street when we met his 20 year old daughter lived with him she works full time
he came to live with me in may so we have had 2 houses to pay for since then she has not paid anything exept elec as its a meater well thigs are getting bad we cant afford to run both homes any more so (his daughters attitud to him is really bad really rude just expects everything

so he had a word with her saying basicaly you need to find someone else to live with you or find somewhere else to live she was crying obvisly i would be we dont want to do this but cant see any other way

she has a brand new car , disigner gear ect

any way today i go on face book and this is what she left
Aww arent u a darl...ano..n dads bin !!!!in gr8...may nt av an ome wich is fan!!!!!!tastic...lyk is 1 fakin !!!!!.,these days am worried bout u n if am guna av an ome...!!!!in me ryt off! R.i.p minty...b gud ta c a jolly folk

she is talking to her sister


is she calling me a !!!!! i have tried my hardst with this girl lent her money cooked her tea helped her out and now i feel she is just throwing it all in my face

Where does she get the money to buy and run a brand new car?
Where does she get the money for designer clothes?

What does your OH say about the situation - after he 'had a word with her'?
By saying you can't afford to run 2 homes anymore do you mean you and your OH are considering putting his house on the market? That's assuming it's owned not rented.

Is she in full time education or does she work full time?

Re her comments on Facebook - I just wondered what she was studying at Uni. Please tell me it's not English. :rotfl:

Pollycat

The_Banker wrote: »

Apparently you and your DH have already fallen out as you say you arent living together.

That would have been a nice bit of detective work, The Banker, but if you read further posts, I think you might find that the husband she was talking about getting rid of in May is her EX.

She's since got divorced and remarried December 2009.
It's her new (and current) husband who has the 2 daughters, one of which is causing the issues.

Pee

It's a difficult situation as a 20 year old at Uni may well still be a dependent in her eyes and in her father's eyes. My boyfriend has children about that age and if they needed a roof over their heads, I wouldn't think much of him if he didn't offer them to stay/ help them out. You have children yourself, presumably younger. How will you feel if at 20 your OH is suggesting they move out and stand on their own feet? For some people 20 is adult and that is fine, and for some people being a parent will continue a little longer. For the sake of your OH, please try not to come between him and his daughter.

Kay_Peel

Kay_Peel wrote: »

My advice to you is to take a back seat and not get involved.

Finally, be kind to them.

I wish you all the best.

I forgot to add in my post (above) that you should not take any insults personally, at this stage. The person that they want to hurt is their father, not you. My own children behaved very badly towards their father's new partner because they wanted to hurt him as much as he'd hurt them (despite me telling them to grow up and not be so stupid). She has been unfailingly kind and thoughtful to them and they love her to bits now - but they cannot forget their father's insensitivity in shutting them out.

I confess that when my mother packed up all my childhood stuff and turned 'my bedroom' into a study, I felt gutted. I don't know why because I was 26 and married in my own home at the time. I came away with boxes of rubbish and had a little weep as I went through the nick-nacks. How ridiculous was I? :rotfl:

If I can feel like that, I can appreciate the loss your husband's daughters feel. As I said before - be kind and make room in your lives for them. You are going to be linked for a long, long time.

mummyleads

hiya she is in her finel year at uni and works full time paid i dont know she affords all the things she does

my dh owns his own home as do i