MSE Parents Club Part 10

cazscoob

BM *hugs* and i hope your ok cant really add much to whats already been said but i feel that i know where your coming from. i was left with my sister when she was a babay and looked after her a lot, she even slept with me! i fell pregnant at 17 and like you didnt really have a lot of support. My mum has never watch the kids for me and always has something else on?
whoever it was that said about sounding like your mum? i had this a few weeks ago and it scared the life out of me! we are a loving family and although the bigger ones dont show it as much you can always get a cuddle if asked and they are alkways cuddling the little ones! i tell the kids i love them etc as i didnt really have that when i was growing up.

ok i need help! how do you get double sided foam tape off the wall? i have a house inspection tom and some little monster has put some on the wall and peeled part of it off. i have tried scraping it with my nail but it wont budge!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ELLE XXX

MadDogWoman_2

Tia - no bashing just a gentle squeeze ()

My family isn't into kissing and hugging each other, so I was a big shock when I met DH's family for the first time I was overwhelmed by the hugging and kissing, still am tbh.

Krystaltips

Caz, mayonnaise is supposed to remove sticky things... :shrugs:

Krystaltips

Tia, I think its good that you realise the issue rather than ignoring it like a bad parent would... And I'm sure our resident counsellors will be along with some wise words shortly.... ((hugs))

SugarSpun

SusanC wrote: »

I worry about that. Is your mum aware of having favourites? My mum told me that one of my brothers said she didn't like me and him and that the other two were her favourites but she has no idea why he would think that and thinks he is just making it up.

She doesn't see it as having favourites as much as she thinks that my brother "needs" more love and attention and stuff done for him. I think he "needs" not to be babied within an inch of his life but any time I've said that she just argues with me. She still cuts up his food and fastens his coat and he's 21.

She also compared my achievements to other kids when I was younger, so I'd come home from school and say, Ohh, I got 85% in my test, and she'd immediately ask how Michael did. But Michael was the cleverest kid in the class and so had always done better and I'd then be gutted because rather than hearing how well I'd done I always had to admit that I wasn't as good as someone else's kid.

I'm past the point where it's actively painful IYKWIM, and just determined that I'm not going to do the same thing to Molly or any other kid. The major problem we have now I'm an adult is that she's now in a position to need financial help from me/us but resents being in that position and blames us for offering the help where it's needed. Which pushes me away and makes us less likely to offer, so she can then be a martyr and cling to my brother - who can't offer any financial help but is very happy to help her talk about how badly I've treated her apropos of nothing at all.

There's a rant if ever there was one...

Edit: Tia I'm editing my post for you right now so maybe keep an eye out?

I think it's great that you're aware of the problem. Are you worried that you don't know how to relate to him now he's a bigger boy or is it an ongoing sort of problem? A sensible stopgap would be to tell him you love him and make the effort to spend time with him. I wonder if he's trying to kiss you a lot because he wants you to know he loves you and wants to be loved in return - could you maybe hug him from behind so it's on your terms and he's still getting the physical affection?

Buttonmoons

Thanks everyone Made me feel a lot better reading those posts.

Weezl - I agree with the Domino effect, that whole side of the family is scum, my Auntie kinda broke away from it and acts "posh" as my mum says, but really she is just trying not to be pond scum. Good on her (though won't mention 2 of her kids that chose to leave her and ended up in care.....)

OH's dad, turned round and said to me one time, he didn't know how I had turned out like I had, when I have parents like I do.

They constantly belittle you, ALL the time. My 16yo sister gets the brunt of it now -

"You're so thick" "You're eating too much, check the size of your gut" "Spaztic" etc etc, Ellie is frequently called a "Mongol kid"

I honestly don't know why they do it!! They love them, in their own way, but my mum never shows feelings or emotions. The first time I remember getting a hug from her was when I was 15, and they were leaving me in the house for a fortnight when they went to Spain!!

It's not that she didn't know how to cope with sick Keira, we used to live there, and totally controlled everything, said I was picking her up too much/not enough/feeding her not often enough/ I should be weaning her at 3months as that's what she did blah blah blah blah

Keira wasn't even sick though, she woke up sweating and had a sore stomach, it's not as if she was literally sick (then of course I would of EXPECTED she called me, and if she hadn't I'd of been mad) thing is Keira is naturally always hot, when she sleeps in bed with me, she goes naked as the heat from everyone else and her, makes her end up "Sveating" as she calls it. She was sleeping in the bed with my mum, in thick pyjamas my mum had bought her. That is probably why she woke up sweaty!!

My mum is really weird though, she used to ditch Ellie here at weekends with me, when she had boufing coughs, full blown snot colds, headaches etc. She never calls to see how she is when she is here either, which I find really hard to understand. Even if I'm busy, I'll take 2minutes to phone and say Goodnight to Keira.

I would cut my mum off, all she does is cause stress, but then I'd never see Ellie, and Keira wouldn't see her Grandma (as much as I dislike my mum, she is good with Keira, just not her own kids)

Ahhh, I'll just forget it, she's not worth loosing hairs about. Just made me feel like I had my priorites wrong when Id of never of left Keira if she was sick before I went out! I cancelled going to visit a friend at Xmas as she came down with a bug, ended up loosing out on my train tickets and the money I had spent on a gig ticket, but I wasn't going to leave her when she was poorly.

She is still under the weather today, she's not SICK, but under the weather. Though I think she's about to get a cough now.

I feel bad that she hasn't been too nursery in over a week now, but I don't want her spreading her germs to the other kids, and this is how she picks up stuff, because parents send their infectious children into the nursery for them to cough all over the other kids and sneeze on the pancakes.

She was never ill before starting nursery :rotfl:

helen81_2

Tia, I know how that feels, I'm like it with my daughter, never have been able to get close to her, can't tell her i love her but I tell the boys i love them several times a day. Makes me feel bad

3onitsway

SugarSpun wrote: »

Oh effing eff, I went to have a bath and left my ebay alone, came back and someone's sniped me!!!

And this time it wasn't me.

My_Fathers_Daughter wrote: »

My mum and dad never tell me they love me, but deep down I know they do! They are not big huggers and kissers either.

I think my mum has told me once or twice.
OH thinks my family is strange, we're more likely to insult each other (in jest!) than be nice. Even compliments come with an insult. Last week for example I was teasing my sister, she's bought a dress in a 12 for a party next week hoping to slim into it. I said not to worry, i'll wear it if she continues to eat cake! Mum said it would fit the slimmer me, but I haven't got the legs for it.

I always tell my three I love them, L says it back all the time, J signs it and V gives you a hug and says 'aaarrrrrrr' and pats you.

OH and his Mum and brothers are very huggy and lovey. OH & his brothers always end phone calls to MIL with 'love you' at the end. His dad on the other hand is an emotional retard.

tiamai_d wrote: »

Today I refrained from buying this in pink floral and the house print and this dress (so !!!!ed they have put a jacket over it here, its stunning in real life) and these lovely sun dresses and this cos its so funky.

Tia please stop showing me pretty things . Especially the last one as i've just accidently bought a zebra print fleece cosy toes and hat.

Am I sad for being so excited that my cute little toddler will be toddling around in pretty dresses this summer. (because I know from L that it won't last, and in a few years she'll think dresses are GAY!)

And I won't bash you. When me & OH split, I used to worry I wouldn't like L very much because she reminded me so much of her Dad. But she's OK now and is more like me with her own unique personality.

weezl74

SugarSpun wrote: »

when Molly has sibling/s I don't want her ever to feel like there's a favourite.

And never that it's a blinking DOG!

tiamai_d wrote: »

*runs away and hides in a corner*

Come back tia

I find physical affection more clumsy in myself too. I wonder if that's some people's way of showing love, but your or mine might be words or gifts or time, or doing practical things for the person. Sometimes it's hard when 2 people have different 'languages' for love. They're both saying it, but the other one doesn't get it!

Erm, not sure how well this would work, but could you say to him a bit like 'You like kissing and I like doing nice things for people. So when I cleaned up your room and made your tea, that's my way of doing a kiss. It's the same. In my heart I'm kissing you by doing these things '

or does that sound a bit pants :rotfl:

Krystaltips

Tia, I love that zebra set... I might have to buy it instead of you...

3, I'll need a link for that there cosy toes...