MSE Parents Club Part 10

BeenieCat

Can't sleep

Worried about my cat. She goes out every night no matter what the weather, but Sat daytime was puking on my rug so i kicked her out thinking she just had a furball, cos it'd either be eating dry food too fast or furball.
Anyway she was asking to be in after that but i was about to go to bed and she's a pita at night wrecking and meowing, so just put the food bowl outside and thought nothing of it, she's usually at the window first thing on a morning.

Food hadn't been touched when i went out in morn and not seen the cat since?? She's actually a boy (lol) and still has his (tiny) balls so i know they tend to wander off occasionally for a day or two but now feel like crap in case she was ill and is now dead

Buttonmoons

Sorry to hear that Beenie But because he/she still has it's balls, he's probably just roaming for a hottie on the streets. Male cats do tend to wander off for a few days (more so if they still have their danglys)

I'm going to rant:

Ok, me and OH went into town last night, I asked my mum if she would babysit Keira, if she had said no, then fair enough, I wouldn't of went out. Wasn't a big deal either way.

Anyways she said yes so Keira was happy to go play with Ellie and me and OH went out.

I ended up back at one of our friends house with a bunch of friends and eventually fell asleep on the hardwood floor at about 9am - oops! AnyHEW, my mum apparently called my mobile at 12, now I had set my alarm to go off then but it obviously conincided with the thing going off (I totally cant remember!) and I cut her off.

The issue was, that during the night at my mums Keira woke up around 3am, complaining of a sore stomach and she was soaked in sweat. She HAD had a cold (slight sniffles, no biggy) before she went, and obviously she developed a fever and it broke in the night. She had called my house at 10:30 and told OH, and OH just said "Oh well her fever obviously broke etc etc"

Now my mum is a total OTT douchebag when it comes to sick kids, the only time she actually shows some concern, and was raving to OH to get her to the emergency doctors (omg why) and he told her he didn't think it warrented a visit and was a bit extreme, hence probably why she had phoned me later to moan about OH, and moan moan moan.

Keira is still under the weather, her eyes are full (watery etc) she does keep getting stomaches and her farts are utterly butterly dreadful, I'll be keeping her off nursery again, but it doesn't require a doctor visit. She has a Winter bug, It's not nice, but calpol and some huggles is all she needs.

Anyways I go on FB earlier and my mum is giving me the spanish inquisition about what I had done the night before, and then basically launched into an attack about how IM an unfit parent and shouldnt be going out and pawning my sick child on people, how dare I not answer my mobile etc etc.

I was RAGING.

Firstly, Keira wasn't even "Sick" when she went to my mums. She had a sniffle, and perhaps my mum shouldn't of let her outside to play in the effing snow, without her gloves on (which I had packed!)

Secondly, Why does it matter if I DID NOT ANSWER HER CALL, she had already told OH about it all an hour and a half previously, last time *I* checked, he was her parent too.

Thirdly, if Keira was apparently THAT sick, why did she not call or text me at 3am, when she woke up with a sore stomach? I would of taken a taxi there and back home with Keira, if she was geuninely very unwell, and not some imaginery stomach disease that my mum conjurs up.

FOURTHLY - My mum let Keira outside again today to play in the snow so she has a serious effing cheek to comment on me and my LACK OF CARE, when she is letting an APPARENTLY SICK CHILD WHO NEEDS TO GO TO THE DOCTORS outside to play in artic conditions.


just the whole sarcastic twatness of her messages made me want to punch her stupid saggy face in. She is the most unfit mother in the world! Bloody battered me with a whiskey bottle as my step dad strangled me in one of their weird sick drunken games that involved instigating me to be cheeky to them so they could basically beat the crap outta me, but jesus yeah! I go out on a night out with friends and my OH, my daughter had some stuck gas and HOLY MOTHER OF EARTH IM THE WORST MOTHER IN THE WORLD.

I apparently go out too much too, like it has anything to do with her? I was practically a hermit since I had Keira, it's only in the past few months Ive actually started socialising again because I feel like people won't laugh at me based on my appearence. I have serious self esteem issues, probably stemmed from the fact growing up, she fed me crap food, and then they all called me fat.

Im sitting here in tears, I know fine she will of been on the phone proclaiming to everyone about how I abandoned my sick child to drink booze. That is what she does, makes out she is a FAB parent, when she has been OUT every Sat AND Sun since Ellie was born. Well mostly.

Im back in contact with my real dad, and he gave me and OH a lift into town yesterday and he was telling me that the few times he did see me, I was right fat and my mum just fed me crap food, and he told her to put me on a diet (ok harsh whatever) and she started raving at him. I can see his point, if Keira got fat like I was as a kid, Id put her on a diet too (obviously within reason)

Ellie said to me last week when I was looking after her (oh yes did I mention I practically raised Ellie from an infant until I moved out, I used be up for work at 5:30am, and not get home until near 5pm, and if I didnt babysit Ellie at nights for her to go to bingo, then I'd be kicked out, lurvely)

Ellie said "Karen, I like you, you talk to me, my mummy doesn't talk to me"

It breaks my heart, because I know exactly what she means, you are spoken too, to be told to do XYZ or stop doing ABC, but you are rarely spoken too and involved in conversation.

I know myself I've been out a lot lately, well maybe once every two weeks or so, but at the end of the day, I'm 22, I got pregnant at 17, I had no friends in between, I just crave a little normality for what 22yo's have. I don't even neccassarily mean going into town, just meeting friends, having a chat etc.
I love Keira SO much, but she is almost 4 now, she doesn't need me as much as she did as an infant, when I go out, she's with her dad usually.

The insane thing is, If I was a lone parent and Keira went to her dads every weekend, no-one would even judge me for going out every weekend because she would be with her dad, how is it any different if I go out if OH is with her?

I just feel so crap now, I hate being judged by my mum, she lives in her own little ignorant bubble, and yet every comment she makes about me is like being stabbed and I dont even know why I let it bother me so much because she is basically pond scum. OH says it's because she is controlling and always has, and he's probably right.

I can't even sleep because Im upset about it all. Why should I even care what she thinks? She is the worst parent I know (except for my step gran) has never even taken Ellie to a park !!!!!!!

Buttonmoons

I'm still going on about this:

I know I'm not a perfect parent, sometimes I feed Keira crap, I give in to her moans now and then, sometimes I can snap and shout at her if she is being particularly draining that day, I've never ever ever smacked her, which is an everyday occurence to poor Ellie (and no it doesnt improve her behaviour)

I'm not against smacking per se, just don't agree with it when your angry, as I don't see how it teaches your child anything, except to lash out when your mad, you can't punch another adult in the street because they annoyed you (well your not supposed too ) so why is it okay to do it too a child?

I would smack Keira if she ran onto a road or something though because a sharp shock and some bruised feelings are preferable to a broken a neck.

I don't even know what my point is, I guess it's that I do my best for Keira and I hope that she knows I love her and when she looks back on her memories, she has a positive outlook on it.

I hate when I shout at her, though she calls it screaming, probably the same to a 3year old, but sometimes my patience just snaps and OMG she never stops talking sometimes and I'm trying to talk on the phone and she's going BLAHBLAHBLAH MOAN MOAN I WANT I WANT GIMMIE BLAH BLAH and it's like ARGGGGH BE QUIET FOR 5 MINUTEEEES.

wi3adora

Awww Buttons I'm not very good with words and wouldn't even know where to
begin, but I've seen the photos of Keira you post and she looks like a happy child, not one who is abandoned by their mother.

Have some hugs from me xx

wi3adora

Well I shan't be going into work today, I went to bed at 10pm and between then and now I'm lucky if I've had 30mins sleep

Both DH and Daniel are still not well, Daniel hasn't kept a bottle or any food down all day. I got projectile vomited into my eye and mouth before hows that for I love you mummy!! Trip to the docs for both of them in a few hours methinks.

weezl74

mornin Dora! I've been up since 3.10.

Miserable isn't it?

Whatcha up to?

xxx

weezl74

Button I haven't read back heaps as life is a bit frantic with me at the mo, but I wanted you to know that I've read your post about your mum and Keira and I feel very moved and so I want to say some things about what you've written.

You know I work in the area of counselling and all that jazz, right?:D

Well one thing we counsellors know is that mostly when people flip out and start accusing others of stuff it's usually a projection of something they really think about themselves, only can't bring themselves to admit it.

For your mum, at some level she knows she didn't get it right while you were growing up. That 'bad mummy' guilt probably buzzes around in her like an angry wasp, and when she's had little sleep/is under pressure/stressed or whatever, she has a strong psychological need to throw it at someone else.

I'm really sorry you got stung by your mum's wasp. That makes me feel terribly sad.

Here's what I think. And I know it's not worth much when some woman from Wales you've never met says something, when it's your own mum's opinion it's up against, but I really believe this so I'll try.

Button you are an excellent mum to Keira.

Normally people who have hard childhoods land up just mindlessly repeating what happened in their families with their children.

It's like a line of dominoes all stacked up, and you touch one and it splats the next one and that splats the next one and.... and that's like each generation just toppling onto the kids.

Sometimes though, there are rare and noble dominoes, who make a decision to glue thenseves to the floor and refuse to just topple onto their kids. They say in their hearts 'this is going to end with me. In this generation, and I will not let it hurt my kids'.

In all the ways you talk about Keira and your decisions about her I hear your resolve to be that glued down domino, refusing to topple on Keira.

I really, really admire you for it. I feel so impressed with you.

Please know that it's not you. It's not your issue, it's hers.

I feel that loads of the mums here on our parent thread (and Dads too) are trying in our own ways to be that kind of glued down domino.

That's why I really like you all.

Love Weezl x

wi3adora

Morning Weezl xx

I actually managed to get a couple of hours. What annoys me though is I have to wait till 8.30 before I can ring the docs or work :mad:

How are you feelin? xx

ladybirdintheuk

Morning all. I was going to moan about not having enough sleep, but I'll shut up now.

BM :mad: at your Mum. Not got anything helpful to say, Weezly is better at words than me, but I will add that she is a big fat meanie, if that helps at all.

I have a little stripper here - she keeps taking her trousers off. She was kissing my nephews wrestler figures yesterday too. Should I be worrying? :rotfl:

elle_gee

Morning all..

Day # 1 of the new "get up at 7am plan", completed! (*groan* Can I go back to bed now? *groan* )

OH was actually on his way down the hall with Rhys as I was just switching everything off last night. Apparently he'd been wittering since OH took him to bed and wouldn't drink his bottle.... Nooo, that's because he need changing - quite obvious to someone without a cold! :cool: So sorted that out, put him back in bed, he downed his bottle and was out like a light. OH not impressed!

Plan for today is finish my cuppa, tidy up a bit, get sorted and dressed ready for carpet fitter coming at half nine. Will leave Rhys to wake up on his own. Mum's coming round at some point this morning to drop off the cotbed, mattress and futon so it appeared we have some flatpack building to do later tonight! I've bought our tea ready made (Morrisons The Best Lasagne, ohh err, and rhubarb crumble) for ease and laziness

Button, I don't know what to say but *hugs* for you xx
Dora, hope your boys are better soon xx
Weezl, any chance of you getting a nap today? xx

Hope everyone has a good day xx