Partner's ex wants to move abroad with their daughter

MrsAnnie

First what? IMO, present DH trumps XH everytime!!! An ex is an ex for a reason

MrsAnnie

Person_one wrote: »

But she shares a child with another man, things aren't that simple for her anymore!

Neither are they for him anymore. Sadly that is life

red_devil

sadly its what happens when people keep changing partners and having kids with different dads in this modern world. I wonder if the child wants to be miles away from her daddy and his family?

Fly_Baby

wiserthaniwas wrote: »

i don't think a few weeks out of the year is really good enough tbh- why should oh and his dd have to suffer because her mum accidentally fell pregnant by another man and was forced to get married so they could live together? (i dont mean that as harshly as it sounds but i couldn't think how else to word it!)

I don't mean to sound harsh - but is that how the ex married your boyfriend as well? Fell pregnant by him and was forced to marry him so they could live together?

So he probably doesn't count either to be considered, right?

red_devil

MrsAnnie wrote: »

First what? IMO, present DH trumps XH everytime!!! An ex is an ex for a reason

Im sure you'd love it if your 2 year old was whisked away to another country to live!

Person_one

MrsAnnie wrote: »

Neither are they for him anymore. Sadly that is life

Very true, now they are both obliged to do what is best for this child and to consider each other's relationship to her. Neither of them can just forget the other parent exists, they need to compromise. To me, taking a child hundreds of miles away from a loving parent to another country would not be an acceptable compromise.

Its not all about the dad's feelings, the mother would be depriving her daughter of a close relationship with her father who loves her and desperately wants to be part of her life. How will the daughter feel about that when she's older?

Based on the update, if the new husband can avoid deployment abroad for as long as possible then that seems to be the best solution for now and I hope it works out.

ninky_2

wiserthaniwas wrote: »

Its not my son, its my partner, and his issue is that his ex is taking his daughter to a foreign country to live which we are certain is not in her best interests. As for being separated from her mummy, up until last week, when mummy came to collect her, dsd was here from 26th December. Since then, she has been with her maternal grandmother who lives near to her mum. We know this because mum phoned a couple of days ago to announce the cyprus stuff, and when oh asked to speak to his dd he was told where she was.

Her mental problems were diagnosed a yr ago, not when dsd was born, and at the time, because she had a lot of support from a lot of people my oh didn't feel that he needed to apply for custody. Also we weren't living together at the time, he was living in a shared house, so hardly an appropriate place to raise a child.

Please don't say that my partner has issues and is jumping out of his pram because he's not- he is a worried dad who adores his daughter and is terrified of losing her. Cyprus might only be a few hours away but it may as well be on the other side of the world for all he will get to see of his dd if she goes.

really sorry and i can understand your upset but i don't think you have a chance of winning this argument / case with the law as it stands. parents often make decisions about where to live that could be considered not always in the child's best interests. but unless it is actually abusive to take her to cyprus (which is clearly isn't) then i don't think you have an argument here.

she will be living with her mother who is clearly a fit parent. she also has a sibling on the way who will also be living with the mother. the fact that the mother's new partner has medical conditions such as bi-polar is not grounds to justify removing her from the mother. many people have medical conditions - this doesn't make them unfit parents. has he actually ever been violent towards her or done anything that makes you think he will not be safe around the child?

sorry.

RadoJo

snowmaid wrote: »

This is an awful situation, I can fully understand your OH not wanting to lose contact with his daughter, and on the other hand it is awful that a woman cannot move on or follow her husband because an ex won't allow it. I don't know how this can be resolved.

I can undertsand what you're saying, Snowmaid, but I think the desire of a woman to follow her husband should come second to her desire to do the best by her kids - she chose her husband knowing that she had a child, so they should both have been aware that there are four people in their relationship who need to be considered before taking such a drastic decision.

I think the OP's concerns are justified - mental health issues aren't a reason to condemn someone, but a person who is isolating themselves from their established support network in a foreign country is vulnerable at the best of times, and un-medicated mental health problems are going to amplify that as is the worry of her husband being away and the stress of caring for a new baby. I don't think anyone here thinks Cyprus is some kind of backwater, just that any new area, language and culture takes a bit of getting used to and is probably not best tackled under the circumstances the OP described.

OP - I can completely see why you and your OH are concerned, and I'm glad that it sounds like your OH's ex has put a bit more thought into it and realised what a huge sacrifice she is asking from your OH (and you of course - you sound as though you would miss your DSD a lot too). From the extra details it sounds as though you and your OH have really made an effort to support the ex and to make things as easy as possible for your DSD - hopefully she will appreciate the effort you make to maintain a positive relationship and will reconsider the move, or at least be a little more aware of your OH's feelings when making her plans.

wiserthaniwas

Fly_Baby wrote: »

I don't mean to sound harsh - but is that how the ex married your boyfriend as well? Fell pregnant by him and was forced to marry him so they could live together?

So he probably doesn't count either to be considered, right?

They were together for 4 years, so no there was no forced marriage lol

wiserthaniwas

Thank you all for your replies, I just wanted to clarify a few things...

It is dsd's mum who has the mental health problems, not her new husband- she has a lot of professional support as well as support from us, I don't know what will happen if she relocates.

One thing I will say, I think the stress of being pregnant is getting to her a little bit as her behavior recently has been a bit erratic to say the least. This is something we are trying to help her with but she doesn't seem that bothered about it- I know that this can be a part of bi-polar in itself.

As of last night, the new husband said he was trying to get an extension to stay in the UK, but we have had some new information today that we are not sure how to deal with. Needless to say it looks like things will get worse before it gets better, not necessarily on the subject of moving, but it looks as if the husband has been less than truthful with oh's ex and we are not sure how to deal with the information we have found out.

Thank you all so much for your replies- I know this is a bit of an emotive subject, and I am not surprised to see conflicting opinions on both sides.