Partner's ex wants to move abroad with their daughter

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

I apologise for the son bit, I typed it, realised and changed it straight away.

But if you use MSEs flight checker utility, you will find that, for example, Gatwick - Paphos is only about £40 each way. So, whilst it may be hard for him to accept it, it's not exactly going to cost the NASA 2010 budget for him to get there and back. It would cost a Dad driving from London to Bournemouth to pick up his child a similar amount, and I don't suppose that Bournemouth counts as the other side of the world, does it? (Although some of the outlying areas...)

So, again, apologies for the typo - I was talking to someone about their son just before and that must have been why I did it - and if you are convinced that she is such a danger that you need to go for custody, perhaps you should notify social services at the same time. Although, by virtue of having a diagnosis (both in the past as a mother of one and now as a pregnant lady), she will already have been assessed, formally or informally, and presumably not been deemed as needing intervention, so this could be interpreted as a malicious act.

snowmaid

If the ex has suffered from mental issues, is she still suffering? To hold this against her indefinitely is also not fair. Lots of people suffer with mental health at some stage, and to stigmitise them is wrong. I accept that harm has been done by people with mental illness, but there are a lot of people who have had a bout and recovered from it.

This is an awful situation, I can fully understand your OH not wanting to lose contact with his daughter, and on the other hand it is awful that a woman cannot move on or follow her husband because an ex won't allow it. I don't know how this can be resolved.

wiserthaniwas

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

I apologise for the son bit, I typed it, realised and changed it straight away.

But if you use MSEs flight checker utility, you will find that, for example, Gatwick - Paphos is only about £40 each way. So, whilst it may be hard for him to accept it, it's not exactly going to cost the NASA 2010 budget for him to get there and back. It would cost a Dad driving from London to Bournemouth to pick up his child a similar amount, and I don't suppose that Bournemouth counts as the other side of the world, does it? (Although some of the outlying areas...)

So, again, apologies for the typo - I was talking to someone about their son just before and that must have been why I did it - and if you are convinced that she is such a danger that you need to go for custody, perhaps you should notify social services at the same time. Although, by virtue of having a diagnosis (both in the past as a mother of one and now as a pregnant lady), she will already have been assessed, formally or informally, and presumably not been deemed as needing intervention, so this could be interpreted as a malicious act.

there's no need to apologise for a typo- we're all guilty of the odd typo now & again!

she did have a social worker until she recently moved to another area, and now she doesn't- her file has apparently not been passed to the ss dept in her new town. since posting, ex has phoned oh and said that her husband is applying for either an extension so that he doesn't have to go for a certain period of time, or some kind of mitigating circumstances permission that excuses him from going full-stop. she actually said that until oh voiced his concerns she hadn't even thought about it, and now realises that if the shoe were on the other foot she would feel exactly the same way.

re custody- this is something oh and i are talking about. at the moment our concern for her mental state is quite high, as she is off her meds due to the pregnancy- and because she has just moved to a new area the support for her from a professional approach isn't as it should be.

unfortunately whatever we choose we will still have to fight this on our own as we don't qualify for legal aid, and can't afford the £180 plus vat fees to pay a solicitor- that seems to be the average for this county

thank you for your advice

wiserthaniwas

snowmaid wrote: »

If the ex has suffered from mental issues, is she still suffering? To hold this against her indefinitely is also not fair. Lots of problems with suffer with mental health at some stage, and to stigmitise them is wrong. I accept that harm has been done by people with mental illness, but there are a lot of people who have had a bout and recovered from it.

This is an awful situation, I can fully understand your OH not wanting to lose contact with his daughter, and on the other hand it is awful that a woman cannot move on or follow her husband because an ex won't allow it. I don't know how this can be resolved.

she has ongoing mental illnesses, which obviously aren't her fault, we know that and we're not trying to hold this against her

MrsAnnie

wiserthaniwas wrote: »

there's no need to apologise for a typo- we're all guilty of the odd typo now & again!

she did have a social worker until she recently moved to another area, and now she doesn't- her file has apparently not been passed to the ss dept in her new town. since posting, ex has phoned oh and said that her husband is applying for either an extension so that he doesn't have to go for a certain period of time, or some kind of mitigating circumstances permission that excuses him from going full-stop. she actually said that until oh voiced his concerns she hadn't even thought about it, and now realises that if the shoe were on the other foot she would feel exactly the same way.

re custody- this is something oh and i are talking about. at the moment our concern for her mental state is quite high, as she is off her meds due to the pregnancy- and because she has just moved to a new area the support for her from a professional approach isn't as it should be.

unfortunately whatever we choose we will still have to fight this on our own as we don't qualify for legal aid, and can't afford the £180 plus vat fees to pay a solicitor- that seems to be the average for this county

thank you for your advice

It is good news for your OH that the ex and her husband are trying to work out other arrangements that will benefit everybody. Sounds like they are acting in a reasonable and responsible way.


I am not sure that seeking custody is the best thing, butmy comment is based on what is written (I realise that I do not have the complete story). The ex obviously is the primary provider of care for DD and has some form of mental illness. Unless there is existing signs of abuse or there is a high potential for it, seeking to remove the child from her mother sounds like it would create a horrible situation for the mother and child. Everythng should be done to support the mother and assist her in caring for the DD. Just because she has documented mental illness doesn't mean that with the appropriate support system in place that she cannot be a good mother.

Person_one

OP, I'm afraid I don't have any practical advice but I really feel for your OH. Most of the dads I know would be devastated to lose their children like this, and no matter how much you try to fly back and forth the relationship would never be the same in terms of closeness.

Plenty of people whose partners are in the military set up a stable base somewhere for their children and the partners come home when on leave etc.

If the girl spends half the week with her dad anyway then surely losing either parent would be a massive upheaval and there's no reason why staying with her dad would be worse than going abroad with her mum and stepdad?

red_devil

jesus christ how selfish wanting to take a child away like that!

Wonder how she would like it if the boot was on the other foot!

MrsAnnie

Selfish? Hardly, she is wanting to relocate for her husbands job!

Person_one

MrsAnnie wrote: »

Selfish? Hardly, she is wanting to relocate for her husbands job!

But she shares a child with another man, things aren't that simple for her anymore!

red_devil

MrsAnnie wrote: »

Selfish? Hardly, she is wanting to relocate for her husbands job!

she's got her first one to consider the childs dad! He came first.

would you like it if your child was whisked away to another country so young i wouldnt?