Partner's ex wants to move abroad with their daughter

polgara

You really need to get legal advice - on the basis of what you've said the ex girlfriend could argue that any action would be to the detriment of her family unit - basically splitting her/daughter/new baby from the new husband.

Cyprus is not a 3rd world country - medical cover/education/living standards etc plus all the support of the armed forces infrastructure. Be very careful as it could come across as a power play (seen that one tried...expensive court case and still allowed to move abroad.

wiserthaniwas

neneromanova wrote: »

I found this on the Internet on this site:

Thanks for that- I found the same article earlier while I was searching for info. I really do think that we have more concerns than just contact- oh's ex has schizophrenia and bi-polar disorder and oh is really worried about how things will be for her over there, coping with 2 very young children. Her husband is apparently being sent to afghan while they are living in cyprus so she will be alone. She struggles with her conditions as it is and she has a lot of support over here from health visitors, social services, psychiatrists and from us as well.

Also she seems intent on 'living the dream'- her words. This is fine for her and her husband, but is it fair to drag a child to live in another country for a couple of years, bring her back over here for 2 years after that, then swan off to another country after that-where does it end? How will dsd ever put down roots?

Sorry, this has really upset me as I really love my dsd, and I know that if his ex is allowed to to this, this will finish my oh off completely.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

How would separating a toddler from her Mummy, her Stepfather and her soon to be baby brother or sister EVER be in her best interests (outside cases of neglect and abuse where prosecutions are going ahead)?

It's reasonable for your son to be upset, but not to the extent of destroying the lives of the other people concerned. She's not doing it to spite him, after all, she's doing it because it's part of being married to a soldier. Plenty of children grow up in forces' families and thrive.

I can't see a judge agreeing to removing her from the security of her daily family life just because the ex doesn't like it much.

Cyprus is a fantastic country, with friendly people, first rate medical facilities, superb education and a standard of living/quality of life generally much higher than that experienced by the vast majority in this country.

There will be plenty of support for a toddler (who wouldn't normally be expected to be speaking clear as bell for a good couple of years yet) if she does actually have anything needing attention, as well as for mum (mental problems? So were you going to try for custody anyway when the baby was born and she was at her most vulnerable?) if she needs it, both through the Cypriot medical system and through the forces' welfare.

If her dad is still convinced that taking a little girl away from her mum isn't just him hitting out , he'll have to come up with the money for legal advice and support, as they will be able to explain to him the court's usual position and how this could serve the interests of the child.

I hope when he calms down a bit and realises it's not about hurting him, he'll be ready to organise things for a more realistic approach, as I can't see how this is going to help matters, and if having his DD a few hours away in a lovely place is too much for him to bear, it sounds as though he unfortunately has issues that need treating, too.

neneromanova

Why not go for sole custody of the child then so she stays perminantely with you and OH? If you are worried about her schizophrenia and bi-polar disorder then do it. Also remember to tell the courts everything that you are telling us. That she will be away from family with no support over ther especially when ex OH goes to Afghan and leaves her there.

wiserthaniwas

polgara wrote: »

You really need to get legal advice - on the basis of what you've said the ex girlfriend could argue that any action would be to the detriment of her family unit - basically splitting her/daughter/new baby from the new husband. But she wants to split oh from his dd, leaving him with no choice but to be a part-time father. With the price of flights etc to and from and then back again, it would be really unlikely he would get to see dd more than once a year as his ex has already said that once she goes she won't be coming back over here till husband is reposted back to the UK

Cyprus is not a 3rd world country - medical cover/education/living standards etc plus all the support of the armed forces infrastructure. Be very careful as it could come across as a power play (seen that one tried...expensive court case and still allowed to move abroad. surely a judge would see that oh just wants what is best for his dd? it has become obvious to us recently that his ex has been trying to 'push him out' from his dd's life, as she refers to her husband as daddy and refers to oh by his first name- 'daddy' has been in dsd's life for 5 months

i hope you can see what i have written above or i will have to go back and do it again lol

neneromanova

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

It's reasonable for your son to be upset,

Where did you get her son from? It's her OH.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

I realised that as soon as I posted (oops!) so I amended it.

polgara

wiserthaniwas wrote: »

i hope you can see what i have written above or i will have to go back and do it again lol

thanks yeah - just trying to say how it could be (likely to be really) argued on her behalf.

wiserthaniwas

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

How would separating a toddler from her Mummy, her Stepfather and her soon to be baby brother or sister EVER be in her best interests (outside cases of neglect and abuse where prosecutions are going ahead)?

It's reasonable for your son to be upset, but not to the extent of destroying the lives of the other people concerned. She's not doing it to spite him, after all, she's doing it because it's part of being married to a soldier. Plenty of children grow up in forces' families and thrive.

I can't see a judge agreeing to removing her from the security of her daily family life just because the ex doesn't like it much.

Cyprus is a fantastic country, with friendly people, first rate medical facilities, superb education and a standard of living/quality of life generally much higher than that experienced by the vast majority in this country.

There will be plenty of support for a toddler (who wouldn't normally be expected to be speaking clear as bell for a good couple of years yet) if she does actually have anything needing attention, as well as for mum (mental problems? So were you going to try for custody anyway when the baby was born and she was at her most vulnerable?) if she needs it, both through the Cypriot medical system and through the forces' welfare.

If her dad is still convinced that taking a little girl away from her mum isn't just him hitting out , he'll have to come up with the money for legal advice and support, as they will be able to explain to him the court's usual position and how this could serve the interests of the child.

I hope when he calms down a bit and realises it's not about hurting him, he'll be ready to organise things for a more realistic approach, as I can't see how this is going to help matters, and if having his DD a few hours away in a lovely place is too much for him to bear, it sounds as though he unfortunately has issues that need treating, too.

Its not my son, its my partner, and his issue is that his ex is taking his daughter to a foreign country to live which we are certain is not in her best interests. As for being separated from her mummy, up until last week, when mummy came to collect her, dsd was here from 26th December. Since then, she has been with her maternal grandmother who lives near to her mum. We know this because mum phoned a couple of days ago to announce the cyprus stuff, and when oh asked to speak to his dd he was told where she was.

Her mental problems were diagnosed a yr ago, not when dsd was born, and at the time, because she had a lot of support from a lot of people my oh didn't feel that he needed to apply for custody. Also we weren't living together at the time, he was living in a shared house, so hardly an appropriate place to raise a child.

Please don't say that my partner has issues and is jumping out of his pram because he's not- he is a worried dad who adores his daughter and is terrified of losing her. Cyprus might only be a few hours away but it may as well be on the other side of the world for all he will get to see of his dd if she goes.

beks

Sounds like an awful situation (((hugs))) for you all.

My OH had similar a few years ago and was devastated by it so I can comprehend how your OH (and consequently you) must be feeling.

When my sd was 2, her mum announced she was moving 450 miles away (other side of the country so not abroad) but still a 8 hour journey in the car (16 hour return). OH had a lot of legal advice and unfortunately, as a father there is not a whole lot you can do about it.

Obviously in our case, the ex was not moving abroad and there are steps you can take to try and prohibit her moving abroad (prohibited steps order). However, if she makes an application against this, as we have seen time and time again, however cruel and devastating it is for the father (and extended family), it is unlikely courts will rule in his favour.

I hate to confirm bad news but there is a lot of injustice when it comes to fathers rights, although I am sure many people on here will disagree.

Given the mental instability of your OHs ex, it would be worth considering applying for custody as I think if her new husband ends up going on exercise and leaving her to care for 2 young children, it could have dangerous consequences. You would have to have a lot of documental evidence to prove this and if she is taking medication for it then it would most probably be deemed for her to be stable.
My sd is now 6 and OH continues to fight for contact with her (it is sporadic) as the ex changes her mind like the wind. Despite OH bringing many court appearances, nothing has been done and the ex lives her merry little life. We do believe OHs ex to be a manic-depressive (or just completely bonkers! ) but in her case, could never prove it.

I do think you need to take legal advice on this (if you haven't already) and I hope there is a solution for you so your little dd doesnt get caught in the middle.