Partner's ex wants to move abroad with their daughter

wiserthaniwas

My partner's dd is 2, she lives with her mum but stays here on a very regular basis for extended periods- shortest time is usually about 2 weeks.

Mum has married a soldier who is being posted to cyprus at the end of the year, she wants to take dd with her, my partner is refusing permission for several reasons:

1. Ex has documented mental health problems and oh is worried about what kind of support she will get over there (she is pregnant with new hubby's baby as well as having her dd).
2. Dd has problems with her speech and mum refuses to acknowledge this- oh is again worried if she will get any support over there
3. Dd's whole extended family is in the UK & it would be very difficult for them to maintain a relationship with her if she is in another country.
4. Money constraints would mean that oh would be lucky to see his dd once or twice a year, which is not acceptable to him
5. This is not a 'one time thing'- ex has informed him of 3 different 2 yr postings that will take place over the next 6 yrs- what kind of stability does this offer a young child?

He has informed his ex that he won't be giving permission and she is (understandably) very upset about this, she is now withholding contact with dd.

We can't afford a solicitor so this is a battle we will have to fight ourselves...

In the first instance, what would we need to apply for to ensure that oh can see his dd without the mum withholding contact and does anyone know how much it costs to do it yourself, and also, what can we do to keep dd in the country, if anything?

tanith

I know this isn't what you want to hear but unless there are very good reasons for a court to refuse I don't think she needs his permission... someone will be along with lots of info I am sure

wiserthaniwas

They have joint PR so she does need his permission to take her to live in another country

ses6jwg

I think what you will need to apply for is a limited steps order, and a contact order to prevent her withholding contact.

Apricot

If you can't afford a solicitor would you qualify for legal aid? If not a lot of solicitors give a free half an hour where perhaps they could give you some advice on the best steps to take. I think you really need professional advice as you don't want to lose her so need to take the appropriate action as soon as possible.

MrsAnnie

wiserthaniwas wrote: »

They have joint PR so she does need his permission to take her to live in another country

But failing this, the mother can apply to the courts to remove the child from the UK to live with her abroad. And ex would need to show and prove with good reason why she should not be allowed to take her daughter with her. Most courts would not stand in her way, unless they thought she was moving just to spite the ex - which obviously is not the case. She is moving with her husband, as a family unit. And the fact that she has extended family in the UK is a plus on the mothers side because she can argue that she will maintain her strong ties and therefore intends to visit the UK frequently bringing DD with her.

ETA: If a removal order (not sure of specific name of order) is granted, Ex can ask the courts for provisions to be made for summers and Xmas holidays to see her and have contact eg 3 weeks in summer etc.

wiserthaniwas

MrsAnnie wrote: »

But failing this, the mother can apply to the courts to remove the child from the UK to live with her abroad. And ex would need to show and prove with good reason why she should not be allowed to take her daughter with her. Most courts would not stand in her way, unless they thought she was moving just to spite the ex - which obviously is not the case. She is moving with her husband, as a family unit. And the fact that she has extended family in the UK is a plus on the mothers side because she can argue that she will maintain her strong ties and therefore intends to visit the UK frequently bringing DD with her.

ETA: If a removal order (not sure of specific name of order) is granted, Ex can ask the courts for provisions to be made for summers and Xmas holidays to see her and have contact eg 3 weeks in summer etc.

so basically oh's ex can take his dd away from him, forcing him to be a part-time dad and there is nothing he can do about it?

i don't think a few weeks out of the year is really good enough tbh- why should oh and his dd have to suffer because her mum accidentally fell pregnant by another man and was forced to get married so they could live together? (i dont mean that as harshly as it sounds but i couldn't think how else to word it!)

neneromanova

Does the Ex girlfriend have sole custody?

wiserthaniwas

neneromanova wrote: »

Does the Ex girlfriend have sole custody?

no, there hasn't been any formal arrangements- oh saw his dd as much as he wanted, plus a lot of times that his ex wanted to go out/go away for a few days with friends- it only started getting a bit difficult when she married her new man about 6 weeks ago and she announced the whole thing about moving abroad

neneromanova

I found this on the Internet on this site: http://www.separateddads.co.uk/can-i-stop-ex-moving-our-children-abroad.html

Question:

My ex wife and I have enjoyed a 6 year period of shared responsbility for our two 9 year old twins (a boy and a girl). This is now threatened by my ex wife and latest husband wanting to live in France for a year from next July with my kids who will then be 10 years old, nearly 11.
I do not feel the experience of being uprooted to a foreign country, albeit one they have visited many times on hoilday, will be a positve one for them and I feel they will loose out significantly from loss of contact with myself. I have expressed many of these feelings to her to no avail. Our current arrangement is Sunday -Tuesday at their mums, Wednesday - Saturday at mine.
I was unmarried to their mother at birth- but was named on the certificate, I then married the mother and before we divorced returned to the registrar to amend the entry etc. Do I have parental rights and is court the only likely way of resolving this form of dispute?
A.
Answer:

You obviously have what’s called parental responsibility for your children since the divorce. That gives you a position of some strength, although it’s not as good as you might wish under the circumstances.
If your ex had sole responsibility, then she’d have no problem moving to France with the children, barring a court order preventing it.
As it stands, then, that doesn’t apply, and she would need your oral or written permission in order to move with the children. If the residence order means the kids spend part of the week with you, then she will need your written consent.
Of course, you have the option to withhold your consent, and it certainly sounds as if you’re not too happy about the situation. But you’d be better served if the two of you can come to a mutual agreement on the situation.

Why is that a good idea?
The simple fact is that your ex can apply to the court to be allowed to take the children abroad, and there’s a fair chance that she’ll be granted permission by the court. You’d be well advised to talk to your solicitor first to assess your full legal options. If it does come to court, you’ll need to mount good objections to your ex taking the kids abroad to live. Much of that strategy would be on how it affects the kids themselves, since that should be the focus for the court. It’s one that might serve you well, since the court could be encouraged to take testimony from the children themselves.
That’s not good news overall, and certainly not reassuring news, unfortunately. That also makes it a good idea to try and work something out with your ex if that’s at all possible. Otherwise there’s going to be even more animosity than there is now, which makes things worse for the children, too.
Keep your tempers in control where you talk to your ex, and keep the focus on the children and what’s best for them. Divorce can be traumatic enough for them, although you’ve all apparently coped with it quite well to date. Keep them at the centre of things, always.

Sharlee

I'm not sure about this but I'm think you can apply for a Prohibited Steps Order which will prevent the child being being removed from the country, (this is decided by a court).

With regard to contact, you can download Form C1 from the internet and apply to a court for contact, you don't need a solicitor to do this, but obviously it helps.

If you need information, contact your local family court, in my experience courts are usually quite helpful to people without representation, and courts will judge in what is in the best interests of the child, which usually includes contact with both birth parents.

Good luck.