Sick and Tired of being in Debt!

jintyb

Good for you! Wish you all the luck in the world and although its scary, once its out there you wont have to hide it anymore. I hope once the dust settles you can work together towards a solution! Big hug!

velrist

What will your £192 need to be spent on? I know it's going to take you a while to pay this off but with some determination I think you can do it.

Is there any opportunity for overtime or getting a second income at all?

You've got enough to be able to carry making your minimum payments (at the moment anyway) so I don't think you need to go down the DMP route immediately, I think it's worth trying to sort this out on your own and keeping your credit rating intact.

Firstly you need to make sure you clear any remaining bank charges. Are you likely to get paid again before the next set of charges hit your account? I would ring the bank to check, also see if they can tell you what the charges are likely to come to so you can budget for them. Once you're sorted in this regard and working from a positive account balance things will be easier to manage.

Once you've sorted the bank charges out then the first debt you need to try to tackle is the Halifax loan as it has the worst APR by a long way. Put all your efforts into clearing this and just make the minimum payments (or just over, say £50) on your credit card for now (if nothing else it will stop you from being able to spend any more on it).

Have a trawl through any stuff you don't want or use and sell it on ebay or whatever route is most appropriate, keep your unnecessary spending to an absolute minimum and look at other ways to increase your income that are risk/expense free.

I'd also check your credit file to make sure it's correct. Don't apply for any more credit for a few months at least as you've just had a spate of applications and you're not likely to get accepted for anything worthwhile unless you have an outstanding credit report, so leave it for a while and just concentrate on the 3k Halifax loan. If you really put your mind to it I think you'd be surprised at how quickly you can raise the money. Don't forget, that loan will be reducing with each payment you make on it too so it won't be 3k you need to pay off in the end, it'll be less than that by the time you've got the money to clear it.

velrist

Oh and I forgot to add - good luck! And good on you for telling your partner, I hope it goes well for you.

AJLondon

Thanks guys... This time tomorrow I could be a single man and homeless...

Happytogetdebtfree

You will be surprised how the oh takes it, a true relationship isnt about having the cash all the time its about honesty, approach with the truth and ask for her help and guidance show willing tell her you have been on the website you know you need to change and you would really like if she could help you organise things ... keep strong and have faith ... xx

dumpy

AJLondon wrote: »

You see, my original loan that is the payment of 394 had been consolidated three times previously. When I told her about the third time she was so upset...

To tell her what I have done and how I have got into this situation will break her heart...

When you told her before, what did you say? How can you convince her that this time you mean it? You've done this three times, so why are you going to stop now.

(not having a go, just trying to prepare you for the questions)

Have you a plan to set out in front of her to show how you are going to tackle the problem?


From my experience and I was in your GF shoes.

Do not be defensive. Do not tell me you have a large debt and it's nothing to do with me. Be prepared to say where the money has gone.

Be prepared for her to be upset and keep asking why? Keep talking and don't calm up and get defensive.

Be prepared for her to withdraw for a few days to get it sorted in her head. You may have been thinking about it for some time but she hasn't.

You really, really need a solid plan to show how you are going to deal with it and how you are going to show her everything in future. Whilst at the same time not making her responsible for sorting it out.

If I think of anything else I'll post again. If my ex had done the above we could have still been together. He didn't.

kaz0705

Hi I'm new to this and in a similar position to you: I have a joint bills account with my partner and all the priority bills are covered. But I have 3 creditcards, 1 personal loan and one loan from a friend.

A few comments I would make:

This year, in an attempt to clear my smallest creditcard, I'm working out my bills each month (I was paid today so checked all my monthly payments for my cards and bills etc). From what I had left over for 'myself', I've taken 10 % and paid it off my smallest card. Yes its only 24.17 on top of the minimum payment but it's a start!

This is leaving me with about £50 a week too and i also intend to take that money out so i'm only using cash- apparently it makes quite the difference! I'm also intending on making a spending diary so i can see what crap i'm spending my money on (i'd imagine it's mostly being drunk being fairly new in London!).

I would say is to speak to your parents about the money you owe them. My friend (who has been so supportive considering I owe her nearly 2k!) has said she'd much rather I paid off cards that charge me interest as a priority. How would your parents feel about this? So, if you get the tesco loan, rather than paying them off, pay a portion of another debt off- one that's charging you interest.

I still pay my friend off a set amount each month so i'd still do that with your parents but if you have access to new loans then i would consolidate debt that charges you interest before debt that doesn't (assuming your parents don't!).

Finally, things aren't that bad! I don't have a mortgage (and currently will never be able to have one before i'm 50!), I can't get a loan, 0% creditcard or anything else. If i could get a loan i could be debt free in 3 years whilst having an extra £200 per month spare! Whilst, at this rate, it'll be 25 years before i pay off all my debt if i continue making my minimum payments!

That's not to play top trumps ("my debt's worse than yours!"), it's purely to emphasis the point that things are still managable!

On a further (far too instrusive!) point, if you think your OH will lose interest in you because you've made some financial mistakes then, well, that's not very flattering towards your other half! And if you're considering marriage, surely honesty is the best policy? I'm sure she'll be pleased that you're sharing your problems with her (and your very positive changes) and will be happy that she's being given the opportunity to help support you through this- give her a chance!

OH! And sorry, final final point: I changed jobs last May from one that I was totally demotivated by to one I love and it makes SUCH a difference each day!

Good luck and stay positive!

:-)

InaPickle

Happytogetdebtfree wrote: »

You will be surprised how the oh takes it, a true relationship isnt about having the cash all the time its about honesty, approach with the truth and ask for her help and guidance show willing tell her you have been on the website you know you need to change and you would really like if she could help you organise things ... keep strong and have faith ... xx

Ditto. If you show her that you are taking responsability for this mess, not trying to get her to pay for it and are doing it cos you really see a future for the two of you and you don't want to mess it up, she might not take it too badly, especially if you promise to truthfully show her how the repayments etc. are going on a regular basis, and that you would be prepared for her to take a lot of the financial decisions in your relationship, if need be, from now on. If she feels that you are dishonest, chances are she will be more worried than if you are honest as she will be constantly questioning herself 'What will happens in ten years time if he runs up a big debt and doesn't tell me about it?' I couldn't live like that - I don't think many people can - but she would probably be happier that you are honest with her rather than hiding stuff. Show her this thread, if you have to, to convince her how serious you are. She might take it badly in the first instance, but once she has calmed down, she will probably see that you are trying hard and be happier that she actually knows what's going on cos you 'fessed up. Good luck!:T

misscousinitt

I would like to say well done for posting and although you have slipped already, I wish you luck in your debt free endeavour.

You are lucky in the sense that you can meet your minimum repayments and that all your household bills are taken care of - you have a roof over your head and food in your belly and thats what is important.

You said earlier in the thread that you have lots of DVD's you can sell...make a list of them, allocate rough prices and DO IT...e-bay or amazon. Put the money you raise towards your expensive Halifax debt or the CC.

According to your SOA, you have £192 left over after debt repayments - if you 'survive' on the £70 you said you have for this month, then make this your monthly budget for the forseeable future. You then have an additional £122 to throw at your debts (starting with the most expensive). It may not look like you are making any in-roads for a few months, but then SUDDENLY one debt will be paid off and in turn you get a boost and extra money to throw at your remaining debts.

To tweak your SOA, you could look at reducing your mobile bill? Downgrade your package or go PAYG - doesn't look alot, but it needs to be done...the more money you have to throw at the debts the better.

My other piece of advice is CUT UP THAT CREDIT CARD!

Take heart...it will get better and stop worrying about how you will survive on less than £200 a month.

Good luck with telling your other half, don't get defensive and remember actions will speak louder than words with debt clearing and proving to her that you mean business this time!

AJLondon

Ok its time for complete honesty from me. Whenever I have had any excess amount of money in the past couple of years I have generally been ok with it. But at times I have seen a quick fix through either online gambling or slot machines near my work that used to pay out £500 jackpots etc.

Please do not get me wrong. I do not spend every day of my life gambling and I am not addicted at all. I always make sure my bills have been paid first and used at times any spare money I had to try and get me out of debt that i have been faced with since the age of 19. I have used trying to win money from time to time to solve problems I have been faced with in my life.

My OH is fantastic with her money and with her life in general. She is so organised and organises every aspect of her finances. Which is why she looks after everything we have to do with our joint account and finances.

Over a year ago she took on my problems back then as I had spent part of my savings towards a deposit on a place (not just on tying to win some money) but blown in general. I had a plan and a spreadsheet and we worked it at the end of each month. She took my credit card off of me too and we got the balance of it down. In a year I had paid back what I owed to the savings and paid off over half of my credit card.

When we then got this place I had no plan and she trusted me to look after my money, and I had my credit card back for emergencies and everything had been fine for a couple of months.

We have been together for 8 years now and I wanted to save up for an engagement ring for her, I love her with my life and soul and want to spend the rest of my life together. The running thing that has been going on with my family and hers has been "where's the ring" etc etc. Even she has said to me "we better be engaged by the end of the year" and I have felt under pressure... not because the pressure of them saying it to me was wrong, but because I knew its the next step for us and because of what I have said, I want to marry her and spend the rest of my life with her...I really want us to get engaged.

The problem I had was that I couldn't save up enough due to my debts I had and so I tried to win some money to be able to afford to pay off my credit card, save up for a ring etc.. and went about my problems the completley wrong way.

Its because of me throwing credit at situations and burying my head in the sand that I am faced with an even bigger problem now than I have ever had to deal with when it comes to my money.

I looked at my online banking and overdraft for my current account and saw I could have an overdraft of upto £5,650... and with my credit card being at £2,000 + (due to taking out cash on it for Christmas) I decided to use my overdraft to pay off my CC, So immediatley my overdraft went from £100 to £2,500. But I was still after a couple of days short of money. I had hardly any money for the rest of this month.

That was when I asked my folks to lend me £2,500 which was honest and told them I was struggling in my overdraft and could they help me out. I agreed to pay them £250 per month.. I acted on impulse and should of thought about it first... but with me being me I didn't.

They lent me the money and it cleared my OD. My mistake here was I never changed the OD limit back to £100 but left it and again used my Credit card for everything. Taking cash out on it and also used cash to try and gamble to win £2,500 back so I could pay them off. To me it was a quick fix.. But I lost and my Credit card balance grew aswell as my overdraft... This carried on until I got to the point where i was when I made the first post in this thread.

I was £5650 overdrawn and had a CC balance of £2000 and owed mum and Dad £2,500. I basically had been playing around with £10,000 of money and made a right mess of my situation. Its only now when i am writing this that I realise the extent of my darkest month of my life.

As stated, thats now been turned into two loans.. along with my existing one and my credit card is maxed out again.

Just by posting on here and chatting to you people is helping me. People have questioned me about my so called LBM and that I haven't had one yet.

Well believe me I have and it happened two days ago when I realised my finances were a mess.. and my wages went in and I still had nothing.. That has never happened to me before.. Its been the biggest wake up call to me in my life and has shook me to do something about it all once and for all.

I don't know what my OH will say. I am not asking anyone for sympathy I know what I have done and what I have been doing to try and solve situations and its got me nowhere and in danger of losing the best thing to ever happen to me.

Like I have said, I am no gambling addict. I have made the simple mistake of thinking that I could try and win some money to solve my situations and try and make a new start and have made it worse...

Thats why on Monday I have begun the long drawn out process of getting my life back on track by closing and excluding myself from any online gambling sites.. by going to the bank and sorting out a lifeline (albeit an expensive one) of a third loan to clear off what was owing to my bank account, down grading my current account to a reward account with no overdraft at all anymore ever!

I will hand over my credit card and my bank card to my other half with my loan paperwork for all three loans for her to keep hold of and only allow me access to money she takes out for me. I will give her the login details for my online banking so she can go on there and change the password so she only has access to it and I will ask her to help me somehow get out of this mess.

All I can do (again) as admit my wrongs, ask her not to forgive me initially, but to help me sort my finances out and hope that because she loves me that she will find it on her heart to help me and to stick with me because I will be honest, If I lost her and our house from all this I really don't know what I will do....

She really is my everything and I am so so sorry that I have let her down.. thats what hurts me the most..

No one else is to blame but me, I am trying now to face up to my financial situation but I need her and your support if I am going to do this.