Sick and Tired of being in Debt!

smartpicture

AJLondon wrote: »

I am also thinking about a part time job when I work lates, or working Saturday's or Sundays

This bit sounds an excellent idea, and would make a significant difference to how long it takes to pay off your debts. It also means that you are taking responsibility for doing so, and you are taking on more of the burden then your girlfriend - as it should be.

Congratulations on telling her, and on her response - I'm sure you know that you're one very lucky man, despite your financial situation!

Happytogetdebtfree

At least its out in the open and progress can be made, you now have first hand support someone who can be there for you and help you out.. well done for baring all... i hope she is ok in a few days x

planning_ahead_2

smartpicture wrote: »

Sorry, but this really rings alarm bells for me. I know it's the 'logical' financial choice, but only if you are both 100% certain beyond even the tiniest doubt that you will not trip up again, or you will not split up in the future - and who can really be 100% certain of that?

There are so many people left with debts that belong to their ex-partner through no fault of your own, that it's just not fair for your other half to take on that burden - even if she wants to help you. At the very least, you should spend a couple of months proving your good intentions before that happens.

A well thought out post. If your partner reads this I hope she thinks very carefully before transferring any of your debts into her name until you have at least proved over the next few months that you really are serious and committed to clearing the debts and staying away from any online gambling. I appreciate that this may mean missing a 0% transfer opportunity and so financially for you it's not such a good idea - but for her it gives her the opportunity to be sure of you, your commitment to her and debt before taking on your debt in her sole name (there is absolutely no going back once she has done that).

I am concerned that this is another quick fix answer for you - similar to last week's loan. I really hope it's not but until you accept full responsibility for your debts and gambling and you deal with it yourself (and not transfer to your partner even if she has offered), then I don't think you will ever learn/truly have the LBM to sort yourself out. I apologise if this sounds harsh - I don't mean it to.

It sounds as if your partner is an amazing person and you are a very lucky man indeed to have such a person in your life.

I wish you both all the best with moving forward together. However, I do also hope that your partner continues to read this thread and reads the various views of others and makes her own balanced decision on the way forward.

misscousinitt

Well done, and thanks for letting us know how you got on.

I would suggest that if you and your GF decide to go down this 0% CC route that you add your payment to her to the existing standing order into your joint bank account - that way it is one of the 1st debts to be paid every month - but please do think about it carefully as other posters have said.

Now its all out in the open, I seriously suggest that you both look at your joint monthly expenses and see if you can reduce costs anywhere - this will give your GF extra cash for her to spend (or save as she sees fit) and give you extra towards your debts.

You still need to look into reducing payments to your mum & dad and selling those dvd's.

You also need to address the gambling, whether you think it is a problem or not - you must see that it has made matters a whole lot worse and this is a major change that HAS to happen.

I'm really pleased that you have been given another chance...don't blow it this time...we are behind you...(however, horrible we may sound at times) we are here for you.

theoretica

Take heart: In the grand scheme of things it is far better to have financial errors of judgement than many others- drink driving for instance!

One of the most telling things you have said is that you did fine with your finances when you had a plan-but went to pieces when the plan ended. You also several times mention the phrase good with money. I believe that people who are good with money get that way by always having a plan- maybe not written down, but there in the subconscious. It isn't something some lucky people are born with! If you know in advance how much you can afford to spend on nights out or clothing you are much more likely to come out on top of things than making snap decisions as you go along. This goes for gambling too, I suggest you set your annual budget for it now and stick to it. £0 I hope. If you don't make decisions in haste you are more likely to make sensible ones.

Incidentally...12 months interest on your credit card will be what, 300-400? This is less than you pay to your debts in only one month. One more thing to think about when making a slow and considered decision with your OH. Emotionally I would also suggest postponing a final decision until this has sunk into you both.

AJLondon

Morning everyone,

Well we have taken the decision to not use the new 0% CC that she now has. Its best for me to work on everything I owe and pay it back gradually. We have things going on during the course of this year too that I need to try and save for.

We have worked out a plan of action on my finances for the next 5 months and its dire to say the least. By paying £100 a month on my credit card (which at the end of this month probably won't even cover the repayment) it will leave me with about £120 a month. This is more than enough to last me the month but its my CC which is my main problem. So will try and get as much OT from work as possible (its pretty much certain to get at least 2 hours every Friday and an hour here and there during the week) so If I can try and get 10-15 hours it means more towards paying the CC back.

This is a better option and would be paid more than a part time job.

I have also sorted out my "spare" phone to be sent to mazuma mobile for £60.00 which will go towards debts.

I have to say the realisation of what I have done and the situation I am now in has hit home with me big time. I have never felt so low!

dumpy

I'm so pleased you haven't transferred the debt. I was so worried for your GF.

Good luck with everything and keep posting, it'll give you something to read back if you feel low and think how you will feel when you post that it is all paid back.

If you are so low now, think the only way left now is up, so go for it.

Why not join in with one of the challenges, like the no spend days?

planning_ahead_2

I am also pleased you haven't transferred the debt to your GF. I am also very glad you seem to be working through this together.

Please keep posting and updating us with your progress and as dumpy says, the only way is up from now on.

jintyb

Well done AJ! I'm so pleased you told your GF, that took courage but YOU DID IT! Now you can use your energies in a positive way and it sounds like you're going to do that.
I'll admit I am in agreement with the other posters re transferring the balance to you GF's CC. The alarm bells were going off here too! I was so relieved to read that you have decided not to do that. As you will remeber from my previous posts, I did that w my ex and am still paying them off. I wouls NEVER take on anyone elses debt no matter how much I loved them - once bitten and all that!
I know you will be feeling low but you've made somw major decisions this week and come out of the other side. Now you just need to match your determination with practical action.

I wish the two of you the very best of luck - have a lovely, cheap and cheerful weekend! Keep posting , we're all here to help! x

AJLondon

I have to say right now I am very grateful to you all for all the help and advice you have given me. I am sure now more than ever that I can turn things round, but that's not to say that is going to be the hardest time and worst time of my life...

In the last week so far I have:

Cancelled my Overdraft
Changed my Bank Account and saved £12.50 per month
Cancelled my PC Insurance and saved £7.99 per month
Cancelled football video downloads on my mobile and saved £5.00 per month.

So at the moment I have saved £25.49 per month which equates to £305.88 per year! (unreal how much that all comes to and what I was wasting away!)

I will be on here and posting progress.. Last night we had a "discussion" and I snapped about everything but it was nothing mean't at her. I am just so frustrated with the situation i have put myself in