How to meet people without spending too much money.

Jei70

I agree with those on this thread who have said that it's up to you to go out and meet people.

You're already on an internet dating website - can you join another one? Even if not free! Sometimes you get what you pay for... And then set yourself a SMART goal. For example, "for the next 3 months I will go on (at least) one date per week". That doesn't have to mean dinner and movies, more of a pub/Starbucks type of thing where you just get to meet a new person and have a chat. And, of course, it doesn't have to mean "with a different person every time" . However, even if you don't meet someone special within 3 months, you will have met a few people - some of whom can become friends or acquaintances and possibly introduce you to their friends, etc. Also, they may be more honest and blunt in terms of feedback, i.e. tell you if you are unconsciously projecting a negative attitude.

Now, if you don't feel confident enough to go out and to this, it's exactly why you should be doing it! It will increase your confidence and expand your social circle.

If you need some advice on flirting, dating, and generally relaxing and having fun in new company, take a look at these books: Flirt Coach and Would Like to Meet. You can probably get them from your local library. There's probably plenty of similar ones, but I read these some years ago, and they worked for me!

Best of luck!

SailorSam

roger196 wrote: »

. On the basis that internet dating are marketing excercises, would you consider posting your internet dating description so that constructive criticism might identify possible problems. It is essential that you modify the description so you were not identifiable.

Don't know about other dating sites but on PoF, in the forums there is a section where people print out their profiles and ask for advice on how it may be improved.
Because the advice is coming from others who are in a similar position, they know what appeals and what puts you off.

There_Goes_Trouble

smartpicture wrote: »

But that was the point I addressed earlier! I know exactly that feeling, it's much safer and more comfortable to stay in and far more daunting to force yourself to go somewhere new. But if you've made an arrangement in advance to meet someone from the club outside the venue and go in with them, then you have no choice but to turn up - or you'll be rudely letting someone else down (which you sound far too polite to do).
I know you're right, and the best way to get ovet the 'not going' bit is to arrange to meet someone - you're right I would never just not turn up. *sigh*

Person_one wrote: »

It seems to me like you need some new friends just as much if not more than a new partner. Have you considered volunteering for St John's or the Red Cross? That's fairly gender neutral, attracts people of all ages, backgrounds and personality types and as well as meeting new people you'll be learning some new skills and helping out the community a bit. This kind of thing often involves attending large events as well.
Yes I enjoy first aid and am already qualified, maybe I'll have a look for a local group. I did look into our local emergency volunteer group which I've been interested in for a while, but their training nights clash with dog training which I'm not ready to give up yet. I might go back to it when my current dog retires from agility which will be in the next year or two I expect.

woody01 wrote: »

The 'LOL' seems to me like you think i was joking.....i'm not
Sorry, I didn't mean to offend, you're right I assumed you were joking and I apologise. I'm in the central south...

SugarSpun wrote: »

I'd recommend a swing dancing class if there's one close to you. My ex started going to one and went from someone who might go out once a month to someone who's just never at home. He made a lot of friends and although he's still single he's single by choice, not because of lack of offers. And since most classes involve changing partners regularly so you don't pick up someone's bad habits, you're bound to meet a lot of people and it's totally acceptable to turn up alone.
We have salsa round here which looks like fun, but the classes are quite expensive which is what out me off. Maybe it's something to back to when I get my finances a bit more sorted.

chesky369 wrote: »

You've lost your nerve and you've no confidence.
True
However, you're not going to find anybody by staying at home
true again
and I think you're putting up defences against the suggestions that have been made.
And even more true.
There have been loads of ideas and if you did them all, you'd never have another evening indoors.
Yes you're right, and I promise I will go back through this thread again and will make a list of ones that appeal, and will do something positive with that list.... eeekk!! Did I just say 'promise'?

You just have to make a bit of an effort at first, then it will become easier - you may even look forward to it.
I hope so!!

Souk08 wrote: »

I think if you want to meet people YOU have to make the effort as it's YOU who wants to do this.

As for meeting men I use the internet, loads of really unexciting types out there but have got a few fun, sexy guys on the go. Nothing ventured and all that.

I am well aware that I am very confident which will make it loads easier but I do feel that life is what you make it and if you want to make changes then they will have to come from you.

Wishing you all the best X

I know, I know you are right.... thank you for your wishes.

roger196 wrote: »

would you consider posting your internet dating description so that constructive criticism might identify possible problems. It is essential that you modify the description so you were not identifiable.
Let me ponder this one a while longer.... it's a good idea but I'm not sure I'd handle the critisism very well and I don't want to end up feeling worse than when I posted this thread!!

choille wrote: »

The WEA run events - talks, classes & stuff connected to self esteem. They do a lot of stuff specifically for women & are very cheap - £3 usually.
Thank you, will check this one out too.
I know it's hard & I don't mean to sound glib, but I'd concentrate on just being where there are others - not just where you can find a man, but just honing your social skills - concentrating on widening your social circle first.
I think that is very sound advice, thanks

98sidney wrote: »

mutual friends.com is free and you can meet people within your area, for friends, realtionship..
Will add it to my list of links to investigate. Thank you.

ninky wrote: »

trouble - a couple of observations i have made from your replies that could possibly be sticking points or reasons why you are not having much luck.

1) you seem to spend most of your time with animals. many people who do this have problems with socialising with humans. animals don't express complex opinions or challenge us so often people who have difficulty socialising with other humans find comfort in their company. is this you? if it is some cognitive behaviour therapy might help you deal better with social situations.
I appreciate the observation, I think though that it's not socialising that I struggle with, it's the initial getting out there and meeting new people. Once I know someone I'm fine. I have 2 cats and 2 dogs, and I work with dogs. But I see them for what they are, my dear companions, but they are not the be all and end all of my life and I am seriously contemplating not having more once these guys have gone. (Not that I'm wishing them away!!!) I am nor dependant or reliant on them.

2) your response to getting a lodger was that having spent so much time on your own you don't know how to share. this is a big problem if you want to start a relationship. relationships are all about managing sharing, compromise etc etc. if you want to be with another person it is going to involve some sort of lifestyle adaptations. if you are not prerpared to make these then no relationship is going to work.
I think there's a difference in learning to share your life with someone special that you have chosen to be with, and who you have gotten to know and develop feelings for, than advertising for a lodger and having a complete stranger move into your house, who you may or may not get on with. I know that I will have to change and make adaptations if I meet someone and I am prepared to do that, but I don't want a complete stranger moving into my house. It's a small house... I did offer a room to a work collegue when she was between homes and looking for a room, but she's allergic to cats.

good luck with the search for love. but remember relationships are not as they always seem in the movies - it's not all romance, moonlight and smooching. relationships challenge us too.
I know.... but it would be nice if that were true!!

tincat wrote: »

I would agree with Roger. Some profiles are just too specific about what they are, what they do and what they want from a potential partner. When looking at a profile, people don't want to know your day to day routine and all the angst of your past. I'm not saying that your profile is like this OP, but many are.

The worst ones are the ones that say something like 'been hurt too many times in my life but have decided to try one more time....'
I hate that, and it's definitely NOT on my profile!!!

A short profile is better than a long one, and the less specific you are, the more people you will appeal to, as long as you can sound funny, interesting and most importantly, open minded in a few short lines. Once the replies start coming in, you can tailor your responses accordingly.

And also, who cares if you have nothing to 'dress up' for. Start today. Stop wearing what you usually wear, and start wearing clothes you would wear if going somewhere smart. Use what you already have for 'best' if you can't afford to buy new, and really, recently in charity shops I've got some really decent dresses in well known brand names for under £20 which I have confidently been able to wear to some v. posh places.
I love charity shops. Have had some real bargains and got some really nice stuff, particularly over the last few weeks/ month or so.

Start wearing a little bit of make-up daily, even if it's just foundation and a hint of eyeliner and lipgloss. You will feel more glam, and in these long walks that you take daily for work, who knows who may see you and what may happen.
I'd feel so self concious wearing make up to work! I'd be the only one for a start and can you imagine how I'd look after a day out in the rain? Soaked through, bedraggled and cold but wearing make up!!
However I read your post earlier today and got changed and put make up on before going into town this afternoon (on annual leave this week.)

When you take your dogs for walks, surely you can strike up conversations with other dog owners? I don't have a dog, but surely there must be groups that meet to do 'dog related' activities?
You mean, like the agility I've been doing for the last 14 years...? I'm always surprise how little people speak to each other when out dog walking, but to be fair I've become quite an antisocial dog walker of late as my old girl has got bad arthritis and no longer tolerates other dogs around her, in case she gets bumped around. I'm a lot more sociable when I take my younger dog out alone, although they are both unwell at the moment so currently can't walk either of them!


I would think that the suggestion of starting a group (can't remember who suggested it, but I thanked it) to meet up and do non romantic things was brilliant. You could do that on Gumtree as far as I know.
OK thanks, will look at Gumtree.

At work, why don't you suggest everyone do a quiz night, and take responsibility for finding a pub holding one nearby and organising your entry. If the first one is fun, then it could become a semi regular thing, and people always hang around to chat / talk after the quiz, where you could meet and discuss the quiz with other team members. You could also do this with your family.
I really think I have to leave work out of this, we're an established team of mixed ages, all couples except for me and they wouldn't even go out for a Christmas drink as a group... everyone just disappears off home after work.
I really wish you luck and hope you will continue to post updates.
Thank you, hopefully I'll be back with a success story before too long, there are some really good ideas on this thread and I'm feeling quite determined to follow some of them up.

lostinrates wrote: »

A good idea I think But if you do, please take precautions...meet in a busy public place, having let someone know all your plans. Most people, internet or otherwise, are perfectly normal, but taking precautions is always a great idea.
Will do, thanks. My friends may not want/be able to go out with me but they'll always be on the end of a phone for me.

If you are within driving distance from me I'll walk a dog with you if you like
That's kind, thank you.

Pee wrote: »

Also friends do have other commitments and whilst friends with children don't stop being friends, they have a lot less time to give and you could do with enhancing rather than replacing your circle of friends.
True.

One of the best places to meet men is in a pub. Any chance you would apply for a part time bar job?
I have thought of this but never done it. I have done two jobs before though and was permanently knackered...

Why are you broke? Do you not earn enough now, pay too much for housing or is it something that was caused historically which you are still sorting out?
Because I pay my mortgage and bills etc out of a single salary of not a huge amount. I get by, but have nothing to spare. As my dogs have got older they are costing me a lot more, and while I don't want either of them to pass on, I am not naive and I know I will be better off financially after they have gone which is one reason that I'm considering not having more, at least for a while.

I'd try another date with a friend of a friend, or try to encourage your friends to have parties. What was wrong with the last set up?
Nothing wrong, we just didn't 'click'. He was a nice guy and would it would have been good to keep in touch, but he didn't want to.

Jei70 wrote: »

I agree with those on this thread who have said that it's up to you to go out and meet people.
I know... :cheesy:

You're already on an internet dating website - can you join another one? Even if not free! Sometimes you get what you pay for... And then set yourself a SMART goal. For example, "for the next 3 months I will go on (at least) one date per week". That doesn't have to mean dinner and movies, more of a pub/Starbucks type of thing where you just get to meet a new person and have a chat. And, of course, it doesn't have to mean "with a different person every time" . However, even if you don't meet someone special within 3 months, you will have met a few people - some of whom can become friends or acquaintances and possibly introduce you to their friends, etc. Also, they may be more honest and blunt in terms of feedback, i.e. tell you if you are unconsciously projecting a negative attitude.
Hmmmmm.... sounds a bit 'full on' for me....

Now, if you don't feel confident enough to go out and to this, it's exactly why you should be doing it! It will increase your confidence and expand your social circle.
Will it though? Continuously repeating something that you hate doesn't always make it get better.

If you need some advice on flirting, dating, and generally relaxing and having fun in new company, take a look at these books: Flirt Coach and Would Like to Meet. You can probably get them from your local library. There's probably plenty of similar ones, but I read these some years ago, and they worked for me!
Best of luck!
Will look next time I'm in town. thanks.

SailorSam wrote: »

Don't know about other dating sites but on PoF, in the forums there is a section where people print out their profiles and ask for advice on how it may be improved.
Because the advice is coming from others who are in a similar position, they know what appeals and what puts you off.
Have looked at that forum and am with PoF now.... people there acn be very harsh... sunjecting yourself to that level of critisism is anot always the best way to improve self confidence. Will go and have another look though, haven't been there in a while.

Thank you so much for all the advice.

Person_one

Can I ask what you do for a living? Don't feel you have to answer of course.

euronorris

I know quite a few single guys in the Kent area.

One, in particular, is around your age and a really, really nice guy. He's been a great friend to me in the past and he treats gf's even better (unfortunately, some ladies like to just take advantage of his kind nature).

He does have a strong faith though, Catholicism. I'm not talking over the top here, but I know it's important to him, and not sure how you feel about that?

lostinrates

Central south? That might be workable for a walk I've got a back log of PMs at the moment but I'll work through them and PM you. If I forget and you are interested then try PMing me in a few days when hopefully I'll have emptied it.

Do you teach agility? I'd love to have a go....not sure my dog would agree, she won't step over a pole on the floor, rofl. But it would be great for us If no dogs to walk TM I can provide a spare ...or bring one of the older ones who is non-jostle.

There_Goes_Trouble

I want to thank everyone for all their helpful advice and suggestions on my thread.

I am however going to back off from it now for a while, when I woke up this morning my elderly dog could hardly stand, and following an emergency vet visit I am very fearful that the next few weeks or even days may be our last together, so I am in no frame of mind to be going out and about trying to meet people. She and I have been best buddies and housemates for 13 years, and this is going to rip me to shreds emotionally.

I will read anything if I notice a new comment posted, and I will come back in a couple of weeks and will follow up on some of the ideas suggested.

Once again, thank you for all the comments, it has given me something to come back to when I have the strength to consider it all again.

choille

Sorry to hear about your dog. I bet she's had a great life with you as her pal.

All the best - I hope she slips away gently. It's so hard when we've known them so long.

lostinrates

There Goes Trouble, I'm so sorry to hear about your girl. I hope the remaining period of time you have is as pain free as possible for her. You are right to prioritise her (and you own emotional) needs. But, come back to this, with vigour, because you sound too vital to continue being lonely, and whether its romantic or simply a larger social circle, you deserve to address this, soon.

samuelthomson240

Someone posted this ive only been to one meeting in glasgow but it seems to be a uk thing hers the link good luck hope you find happiness cheers john

http://www.meetup.com