How to meet people without spending too much money.

chesky369

You've lost your nerve and you've no confidence. However, you're not going to find anybody by staying at home and I think you're putting up defences against the suggestions that have been made. There have been loads of ideas and if you did them all, you'd never have another evening indoors. Remember, if you go somewhere you're not known, make a complete idiot of yourself, get drunk and fall flat on your face (which would probably be as bad as it could get), you will never have to see those people again. But it's not likely that'll happen - who knows, you might enjoy yourself.

What about volunteering with, say, the homeless, or with Citizens' Advice? Or a really good one is political activism - they're always desperate for people to help and you'll meet people who sort of think the same as you. I met one or two ex's through getting involved in local protests.

You just have to make a bit of an effort at first, then it will become easier - you may even look forward to it.

Souk08

Hey, Just found your thread and wanted to put my tuppence worth in. I moved back home 2 years ago after working overseas for years and found myself in a position where I only had 2 mates locally to go out with. I am a very social person ( I worked as holiday rep when I was away) and this wasn't enough so I had to go out there and make new friends. I had loads of lovely supportive mates miles away but they were no good to me when I wanted to go out on a Saturday night.

I tried lots of things: meet up, Spice (like IVC), going on Gumtree (free site) to look for other single girls to go out with. Ultimately a lot of it wasn't for me as the people I was meeting weren't on my wavelength but in the process I have met a few really good friends who I can go out with.

I think if you want to meet people YOU have to make the effort as it's YOU who wants to do this. My sis and I have lived all over the world and frequently gone to places where we know no one and unless we wanted to spend the rest of our lives just working and sitting at home (we didn't) we had to get out and make a go of things.

As for meeting men I use the internet, loads of really unexciting types out there but have got a few fun, sexy guys on the go. Nothing ventured and all that.

I am well aware that I am very confident which will make it loads easier but I do feel that life is what you make it and if you want to make changes then they will have to come from you.

Wishing you all the best X

roger196

I have noticed that when people have difficulty selling a house, they have posted the rightmove details on the house selling forum here on MSE. They have invited comments. On the basis that house selling and internet dating are marketing excercises, would you consider posting your internet dating description so that constructive criticism might identify possible problems. It is essential that you modify the description so you were not identifiable.

choille

The WEA run events - talks, classes & stuff connected to self esteem. They do a lot of stuff specifically for women & are very cheap - £3 usually. They really are a good organisation. I go to their stuff if it comes nearish here & go alone, as most people do, they do all sorts of classes from creative writing to assertiveness training.
Google them & see where your nearest organisation is.
Get something on the go that is something that you are interested in - car boots - great way to chat & bring you out of yourself. Ramblers association, bat walks, nature conservation - get an evening job in a pub, help-line, stacking supermarket shelves - anything that gets you out where there will be others.
I know it's hard & I don't mean to sound glib, but I'd concentrate on just being where there are others - not just where you can find a man, but just honing your social skills - concentrating on widening your social circle first.

valos_mummy

How about......if the OP can give us a rough idea of where she's from, any other posters nearby with single friends (or like Woody, would like a date) can PM her and set something up. You do sometimes meet partners through friends, and because OP's friends are all attached and don't seem to have anyone to offer - we can maybe help cast the net a little wider?

98sidney

mutual friends.com is free and you can meet people within your area, for friends, realtionship..

ninky_2

trouble - a couple of observations i have made from your replies that could possibly be sticking points or reasons why you are not having much luck.

1) you seem to spend most of your time with animals. many people who do this have problems with socialising with humans. animals don't express complex opinions or challenge us so often people who have difficulty socialising with other humans find comfort in their company. is this you? if it is some cognitive behaviour therapy might help you deal better with social situations.

2) your response to getting a lodger was that having spent so much time on your own you don't know how to share. this is a big problem if you want to start a relationship. relationships are all about managing sharing, compromise etc etc. if you want to be with another person it is going to involve some sort of lifestyle adaptations. if you are not prerpared to make these then no relationship is going to work.

good luck with the search for love. but remember relationships are not as they always seem in the movies - it's not all romance, moonlight and smooching. relationships challenge us too.

tincat

I would agree with Roger. Some profiles are just too specific about what they are, what they do and what they want from a potential partner. When looking at a profile, people don't want to know your day to day routine and all the angst of your past. I'm not saying that your profile is like this OP, but many are.

The worst ones are the ones that say something like 'been hurt too many times in my life but have decided to try one more time....'

A short profile is better than a long one, and the less specific you are, the more people you will appeal to, as long as you can sound funny, interesting and most importantly, open minded in a few short lines. Once the replies start coming in, you can tailor your responses accordingly.

And also, who cares if you have nothing to 'dress up' for. Start today. Stop wearing what you usually wear, and start wearing clothes you would wear if going somewhere smart. Use what you already have for 'best' if you can't afford to buy new, and really, recently in charity shops I've got some really decent dresses in well known brand names for under £20 which I have confidently been able to wear to some v. posh places.

Start wearing a little bit of make-up daily, even if it's just foundation and a hint of eyeliner and lipgloss. You will feel more glam, and in these long walks that you take daily for work, who knows who may see you and what may happen.

When you take your dogs for walks, surely you can strike up conversations with other dog owners? I don't have a dog, but surely there must be groups that meet to do 'dog related' activities? I don't mean dogging for those 'porvorts' out there:p

I would think that the suggestion of starting a group (can't remember who suggested it, but I thanked it) to meet up and do non romantic things was brilliant. You could do that on Gumtree as far as I know.

At work, why don't you suggest everyone do a quiz night, and take responsibility for finding a pub holding one nearby and organising your entry. If the first one is fun, then it could become a semi regular thing, and people always hang around to chat / talk after the quiz, where you could meet and discuss the quiz with other team members. You could also do this with your family.

I really wish you luck and hope you will continue to post updates.

lostinrates

valos_mummy wrote: »

How about......if the OP can give us a rough idea of where she's from, any other posters nearby with single friends (or like Woody, would like a date) can PM her and set something up. You do sometimes meet partners through friends, and because OP's friends are all attached and don't seem to have anyone to offer - we can maybe help cast the net a little wider?

A good idea I think But if you do, please take precautions...meet in a busy public place, having let someone know all your plans. Most people, internet or otherwise, are perfectly normal, but taking precautions is always a great idea.

OP, re animals, something I keep meaning to et around to is to find other local people to walk my dog/s with. Not only would this solve some of the animal issue of socialising, dogs are a great conversation starter and break the ice. I usually alone or with one other person, I'd love to have a wider circle of people for me , and dog-dog, to walk with, and differen walks.

If you are within driving distance from me I'll walk a dog with you if you like

Pee

It sounds like you could also do to meet some more women. I think being single in your 30's as someone else suggested can be hard. I know I felt that I should be more choosy and only really go out with people who were suitable long term - and then of course I ended up with my boyfriend, who wasn't quite what I had in mind. Also friends do have other commitments and whilst friends with children don't stop being friends, they have a lot less time to give and you could do with enhancing rather than replacing your circle of friends.

One of the best places to meet men is in a pub. Any chance you would apply for a part time bar job?

Why are you broke? Do you not earn enough now, pay too much for housing or is it something that was caused historically which you are still sorting out?

I'd try another date with a friend of a friend, or try to encourage your friends to have parties. What was wrong with the last set up?

Lodgers can be great for enhancing your social life.