How to meet people without spending too much money.

lostinrates

There_Goes_Trouble wrote: »

Sorry for the worlds longest post, but I really do appreciate everyone taking the time to reply. I hope I don't come across as negative, but from reading it all back I personally think that for me, it's about actually meeting people rather than whether or not I put them off or come across wrongly. I just don't meet people in order to know how I come across!! I've been in my same workplace for 16 years, with the same dog club for 14 years and although badminton is relatively new (only 3 years) I didn't have the shyness as my Uncle, Cousin and Sis-In-Law were already members and I'd met some of the others before.

On the plus side, you have shown you are capable of commitment with that service to a job

What I would suggest is not just looking to meet men at ''things'' or even single people. I'm always introducing friends to each other (not as an inane matchmaker, more in the hope they'll be friends) and by havin a bigger social circle of diverse peole and always saying yes to every oppertunity you optimise chances of meeting the person who will ntroduce you to the person who you might have a relationship with.

I know this is harder to do than to say, and I know the loneliness is almost restrictive in itself, and also know that animals at home can make some oppertunities hard to take up, but finding ways round this will help I think.

Good luck!

paulwf

OP, I know someone who could post almost an identical message to yours, I think the situation you describe is fairly common.

The person I'm thinking of, and someone else in a fairly similar situation, are both turning 40 but whereas some people that age can look closer to 30 they dress like they are 50.

I'm not suggesting for one minute you should look like a tart but creating a fresh modern image and looking young for your age is good...you need to create a good first impression so then people can get to know you.

If you already project a good image then forget this. It's just the people I'm thinking of would benefit so much from a decent hairdresser, losing a few pounds, a new wardrobe and some good supportive underwear Nothing as extreme as the TV makeover shows, just a few basics to make a bit of an effort.

I'm a bloke so I get an easy deal but having a partner does stop me from looking too much like a geek Without a partner I wouldn't care what I look like, it is so easy to get into that rut. Ask some people who you aren't close to for some impartial advice...such as saving up and splashing out on a good hairdresser to create a new style.

There_Goes_Trouble

Thanks everyone.

Ladyhawk wrote: »

I have just googled IVC and.... WOW!!! that is exactly the type of thing that I have been looking for. How did I never know about this before? Anyway I have applied to join and am soooooooo excited about it. *bounce, bounce, bounce*
Good Luck!!! Please let me know how you get on, I'm very interested.

lostinrates wrote: »

What I would suggest is not just looking to meet men at ''things'' or even single people. I'm always introducing friends to each other (not as an inane matchmaker, more in the hope they'll be friends) and by havin a bigger social circle of diverse peole and always saying yes to every oppertunity you optimise chances of meeting the person who will ntroduce you to the person who you might have a relationship with.
Thank you, I do need to increase my social circle, I'm just not sure how best to go about it given my circumstances.

I know this is harder to do than to say, and I know the loneliness is almost restrictive in itself, and also know that animals at home can make some oppertunities hard to take up, but finding ways round this will help I think.
Thank you, I appreciate your comments because so many people really don't understand those things. They say they do, but then they make a comment and you just know that they don't.

paulwf wrote: »

OP, I know someone who could post almost an identical message to yours, I think the situation you describe is fairly common.

The person I'm thinking of, and someone else in a fairly similar situation, are both turning 40 but whereas some people that age can look closer to 30 they dress like they are 50.

I'm not suggesting for one minute you should look like a tart but creating a fresh modern image and looking young for your age is good...you need to create a good first impression so then people can get to know you.

If you already project a good image then forget this. It's just the people I'm thinking of would benefit so much from a decent hairdresser, losing a few pounds, a new wardrobe and some good supportive underwear Nothing as extreme as the TV makeover shows, just a few basics to make a bit of an effort.

I do appreciate those comments but I don't think I do too badly.... I am fairly slim as I have an active job where I walk miles every day at a fairly fast pace. I also walk my pet dogs in my spare time. I have an excellent hairdresser and a modern but not outrageous hairstyle. A new wardrobe might be a point, my stuff is all very casual but it's one of those circles isn't it... why buy posh clothes when I never go anywhere to wear them, but maybe I'd go out more if I had nice clothes...? (not really, as I have no one to go out with) Usually if I have one of those conversations where you say to someone to guess your age, they always guess well below my actual age - being kind perhaps? Maybe, but no one has ever guessed me to be older than I am, only one person ever got it spot on. I also wear make up a lot more now than I used to, not everyday because it wouldn't look right at work, but at weekends etc.

I'm a bloke so I get an easy deal but having a partner does stop me from looking too much like a geek Without a partner I wouldn't care what I look like, it is so easy to get into that rut.
Yes it is, but I am aware and try not to.

Ask some people who you aren't close to for some impartial advice...such as saving up and splashing out on a good hairdresser to create a new style.

p.s - my underwear is pretty good, I'm not 'huge' but I know the value of a good bra!!

choille

Originally Posted by choille
If you're any good at cooking have one of those underground dining clubs.
They sound an amazing way of meeting people. If you & a friend could do that together, it's also a way of making some cash.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/8285618.stm

Or just find out where some are going on & attend.

I'm not a good cook... OK that's not quite true, I'm not a confident cook!!! And you're assuming I have a friend who would do this with me!
Hi There,

If don't have any friends as you say, then you have to start somewhere & you have to spot someone shy, someone who stands back a little, someone outwith a circle - say at your work & invite them out for a coffee, or to see a film, or to go to a museum, a free exhibition - whatever is on in your locality - doesn't have to cost a lot & doesn't have to be a male. If you really put on a brave face & just ask someone who maybe in a similar situation to attend something social that's a start.
I suggested the underground dinner club as you can go to them if there is one in your area. You can also do a breakfast club if you feel up to it & brave enough - how hard is scrambled eggs & bloody Marys.
If you don't go anywhere you won't meet anyone.

There_Goes_Trouble

choille wrote: »

If you don't go anywhere you won't meet anyone.

That is very true, but equally as I'm not very confident in meeting people there's no point in me starting with an event that I'm really really not confident about! I'm not confident in cooking for people I know, let alone a bunch of strangers!

It's not that I have no friends at all, just no one to go out with. My best friend lives 4 hours away, my other best friend is local but is married with a child, and she doesn't like to go out (for reasons that I won't post here). I see her a fair bit but it's always round her house (to avoid the need for babysitter). I have one single friend from work who lives an hour away, she is also a bit of a home-body and I have given up trying to persuade her to go out one evening, she seems to have this idea that two girls out together looks 'desperate' and she won't do it. Another good friend has moved to Guernsey, so no nights out with her anymore!! I did have another single friend but she's now met someone and has moved away. I still see her occasionally but she's no longer interested in going out to meet people. I've known all these people long enough to have met their friends etc. They are all aware of my situation and that I'd like to meet someone.

Like I've said before, there is no-one at work who fits the criterea you describe, we are a small established team who have all worked together a long time. Same as at the clubs I go to, there is nobody in my situation who would go with me to these things which is why I'm feeling a bit stuck.

I'm not trying to be obstructive, I really do need to make some changes in my life and meet more people but there's no point in me sitting here saying 'yes I'll go to an IVC by myself' when I know full well that on the night, I won't walk out the front door.

I don't know what the answer is, maybe there is no answer. If I can't go alone and have no one to go with then maybe I have to just accept my lot as it is.

Kirri

One thing I'd add is that I was in relationships from a teenager through to my early 30's and then being single in your 30's is incredibly difficult anyway - most people have settled down and friends don't go out so much and work colleagues are mostly married - so you could be doing everything right but it is just very hard for anyone single at this age..

smartpicture

There_Goes_Trouble wrote: »

but there's no point in me sitting here saying 'yes I'll go to an IVC by myself' when I know full well that on the night, I won't walk out the front door.

But that was the point I addressed earlier! I know exactly that feeling, it's much safer and more comfortable to stay in and far more daunting to force yourself to go somewhere new. But if you've made an arrangement in advance to meet someone from the club outside the venue and go in with them, then you have no choice but to turn up - or you'll be rudely letting someone else down (which you sound far too polite to do).

Person_one

Originally Posted by Person_one
OP, do you have any hobbies or interests? If you are passionate about something then maybe the best kind of person for you would be passionate about the same thing?
I think I'd be better off developing new hobbies... I used to be quite adventurous and was in the Scouts and Army Cadets when I was younger, however I don't really enjoy that type of activity any more. I've become a lot more 'girly' in my hobbies. I play badminton every week with a club, and I go dog training every week which is mainly women.

It seems to me like you need some new friends just as much if not more than a new partner. Have you considered volunteering for St John's or the Red Cross? That's fairly gender neutral, attracts people of all ages, backgrounds and personality types and as well as meeting new people you'll be learning some new skills and helping out the community a bit. This kind of thing often involves attending large events as well.

woody01

Thanks... I think!!! I'll keep you in mind!! (LOL)

The 'LOL' seems to me like you think i was joking.....i'm not

SugarSpun

I'd recommend a swing dancing class if there's one close to you. My ex started going to one and went from someone who might go out once a month to someone who's just never at home. He made a lot of friends and although he's still single he's single by choice, not because of lack of offers. And since most classes involve changing partners regularly so you don't pick up someone's bad habits, you're bound to meet a lot of people and it's totally acceptable to turn up alone.