Social Phobia and work?

passatrider

I have been reading this thread form the sidelines and thought you might need some encouragement Jemma.

I too suffer from Social Phobia/Social Anxiety disorder call it what you want. I'm 40 and had it over 25 years so really feel for you when I read how much you are struggling.

First of all you have to get as much support as possible to help you deal with this. Do not feel ashamed it's nothing to feel bad about trust me! Social phobia is a very widely known in the medical proffession so the doctor is your first port of call. There is medication he/she can prescribe which will really help you to deal with the here and now, coupled with counselling should you need it.

Next contact the Jobcentre and ask to see an adviser again regarding your jobseekers agreement. Tell them that you suffer from an anxiety disorder and that this affects the type of work and hours that you are available.
I had my jobseekers interview this week and was honest and upfront with them about my condition. I just told them I had an anxiety disorder and it restricted me from doing full time work etc etc. The adviser was very sympathetic towards me saying that it's best to be honest as it will help your claim go smoother in the longrun.
I might just add that try not to go for jobs that involve working from home as this will not help you in the long run to be honest. Gradual exposure is the key to nailing this condition, not avoiding things.

Finally you must tell your mother about how you feel too if you have not done already.
You will feel better for it trust me!

Good Luck

QueenOfComps

problem solved.

Bruja_2

I think you can book a DEA appointment by phone but if you do have to go in, try not to worry about seeing your other advisor (remember she sees loads of people each day) just stick to your guns and say you want an appointment and you will discuss your problems with the DEA. I would refer to your Social Phobia as an Anxiety problem or disorder rather than shyness, there is a world of difference.
Try not to expect too much understanding from your Mum. Most people who don't have anxiety problems will not understand them, may be best to say your anxiety is making you feel so bad that you have decided to see a GP for help, remember it's your decision.
I had social phobia for many years and ended up having a breakdown so best not to leave it any longer, take the plunge and get some help. It is such a relief to talk to someone who understands this condition.

miamoo

Jemma I suffered almost identical problems during my teenage years to you, my dad died when I was 11 and my mum took it really badly, she got a new boyfirend and he hated us, we were petrified of him. My mum only cared about him and we were shouted at or ignored.
Its no wonder I ended up ill, you can only take so much mentally.
Bruja I ended up having a breakdown, I couldnt stop shaking and crying I felt so stupid and useless, but thats all part of the illness, the doctor was great and made me feel like I mattered.

tsimehC

Hi Jemma,

The general consensus of doing volunteering work to ease your social phobia seems great on paper but in my personal experience, I found it to be completely terrifying.

I remember distinctly a task I was given where I had to phone up 30 club members and inform them of an upcoming event via phone. Not to mention the manager was a desk away and listening in on my conversations to make sure I was saying the right things. I was never a good talker and in the end I managed to do about 12 calls before passing the task back to my manager and saying I wanted to do something else and he was fine with that (I was a volunteer after all).

Fast forward 6 months and I'm working (paid this time :P) and I'm given a very similar task. I am to call up ~40 customers and get them to come into the office for interviews. Not only do I call up most of them but I managed to do it well (in most cases!). I was very nervous for each of the call and my hands did shake a lot as they do when my anxiety kicks in but I got through and at least I know I can do this again.

I'm not a great believer in medication and my experiences with them have been very negative but I've yet to try CBT. Chances are I've already used some of the techniques covered by CBT but if you need some signposting then that is a way to go I guess.

Next time you're in the jobcentre, take a look around and see how many other people are displaying signs of social phobia. You'll find you're not alone.

exitroute?

It depends entirely on what voluntary work is being done. There are plenty of animal sanctuaries/boarding kennels etc that would welcome the op with open arms and she says she would like to work with pets. There shouldnt be too many people about and they will all have an interest in animals like her.

QueenOfComps

problem solved.

meds12_2

Hi,
Have just read this thread and thought I could offer you some support in terms of a positive outcome. Like you I had a traumatic time as a teenager, which took me from just being quite shy, to something a lot more pathological - trying to avoid getting close to people for fear they would "discover" there was something "wrong" with me (God knows what - just a feeling I've harboured for years!). This led me to self-medicate on excessive alcohol and drugs, and occaisionally, anti-depressants and anti-anxiolytics, I was emotionally all over the place from about 14 to 26, when I had my daughter. I would start many jobs and do very well initially, but then ruin it through being unable to go in through nerves and depression. I ended up in hospital many times as a result of these problems. I remember at Uni, I was unable to present 2 short presentations of my research from my final year project, as I had built it up in my mind to being something I could not possibly do - and so I lost marks. My life was erratic, and I was ashamed, but felt trapped and unable to change.

What changed - the birth of my daughter. As soon as I found out I was expecting I morphed into Superwoman - working 2 jobs - 15hours a day up until the day I went into labour. To overcome my fear of social situations and public speaking I decided to become a teacher, and trained as a secondary school teacher (I teach science in an inner-city school - lots of confrontations to deal with!). I am now living the life I never thought I could, or deserved - good job, a beautiful house, long term relationship with the father of my children - one DD and one on the way. My point - it is in you to overcome this.

I read a report once which found that the most effective way to make shy people appear confident was to ask them to approach situations acting as a confident person would,they found they could then keep this up - sounds silly, but why don't you give it a try? Try "acting" (after all, that's all I do as a teacher is to "act" angry / disappointed etc, and most people really are not as confident as they make out) as if you were a professional businesswoman or a Sex-in-the-City-type, but make sure you dress for it (make it easier to adopt the role). You never know, it might work!

Good luck!

QueenOfComps

problem solved.

exitroute?

I received a pm re posts on this thread and tried to reply to it but a message comes up that the sender is unknown. Could the sender please contact the op directly via pm and give similar and very wise advice please? I dont know how to send one. Thank you.