Modestly-priced fun for becoming-deaf old bloke with no interests

consultant31

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

There are usually two people in a relationship of the kind the OP describes. Does his happiness trump hers? She's worried about him vegging out, and the highlight of his week being the trip to the recycling centre. She's worried about his brain cells dying. She's not trying to run his life for him, she's trying to make it more interesting for the pair of them! Wouldn't most of us rather NOT hear about the trip to the recycling centre if there's something more interesting to talk about?

Or perhaps, she should leave him and find a toy boy.

Hear-hear Sue, I thought the posts accusing OP of running hubby's life where a bit heavy-handed too :rolleyes:

Errata

I wonder if the OP's OH had any interests when he was working that he could continue with perhaps on a grander scale ?
It's pretty important to keep the brain well used and busy, whatever one's age.

Elsewhere

Is he interested in walking, or history - nature? My inlaws (sadly both now too frail to attend meetings) used to be very active members of Bournemouth Natural Science Society http://www.bnss.fslife.co.uk/ which was interesting, cheap and helped them to make many friends. Maybe there is something similar in your area?

morganlefay

Thanks to everyone - I didn't take offence cos I wanted to hear what other people think, but Savvy Sue's right - if the high point in someone's day is how full the re-cycling bins were and that's what's on offer for conversation it's not exactly what our lives used to be like. I do appreciate all the positive ideas, and am currently pushing the vists to the pub idea as that would result in playmates and possibly even some new friends. Scotsbob - I would regard his saying he's fed up and is off to pastuures new as evidence of his being awake and interested in life but that's not where we are, he's just bogged down with lethargy, which is sad, and I don't want him to do things I want (I read a lot and sew and cook and have lunch with my girlie friends and write essays for my course, none of which are things I can share with him) but I do want him to have some little spark in life to make it worth getting out of bed for.
I have decreed that each day we should do ONE THING whic will be enjoyable, so today I said 'What's our nice thing for today ?' and the answer was 'tidying the kitchen table'. Well I don't think that is a nice thing, a treat, something pleasant to look forward to doing and back on with pleasure and I'm sure most other people wouldn't either !!
But I am grateful for all your thoughts, which I'm finding helpful
Oh and when I say 'How about a hearing test ducky' he magically doesnt hear me !!!!!! and I don't want to bully because it's a nasty thing - going deaf - and why would you want to have it confirmed if you are, so I understand absolutely why he's buried his head in the sand about it, but it's still anoying for the person who has to say everything to him several times - I'm only human I suppose.
Thank you, friendly people.

hethmar

Not wanting to be a pessimist, but do you think may be he is getting depressed and needs to see a doctor just for a little boost for a while?

27col

See if you can get him interested in playing bowls. There are profoundly deaf people playing at my club. We even had a blind man playing a few years ago. The indoor rinks mean that you can play all year round if you want. It can be as sociable as you want it to be. Most clubs do quite a lot of social stuff and also a bit of fund raising for local charities as well.You can always get free coaching. It is not a very expensive game.
Mind you, one of the chaps I play with, plays an enormous amount. I think that he just does not want to go home. I remember one woman came along with her husband, because he was very shy and they both joined. Then a year later, when he had got to know people, she quietly stopped coming and he carried on with his new hobby quite happily.

Errata

Oh dear, sounds like it's time to have the conversation with him that starts "I've noticed just lately you don't seem to be your usual self - how are you feeling, because I'm getting a bit worried about you" and take it from there. If he says he is his usual self, it seems you have plenty of evidence to parry that with.

It's a bit worrying when someone's highlights are doing the recycling and tidying the kitchen table, and perhaps you need to point that out to him in the gentlest way possible because that isn't 'average' behaviour for someone his age.

As for the deafness - the sooner it's confirmed the better for both of you. If you are content to let this carry on the way it is, then fair enough, but if you're not, and speaking as a deaf person I wouldn't be, then is it time to put your foot down ? If he becomes deafer you and he will be less and less able to communicate easily with each other, and that's not healthy for any marriage.
HTH

kaya

Fishing :beer:

morganlefay

Actually you have made me review again in my head whether he's depressed - I had ruled it out because he dfefinitely was a couple of years ago, and had seemed to be better but I've found actually thinking about this enough to type stuff in here has made me crystallize my thoughts, and perhaps he is depressed but because it crept up I didn't notice. I also like the idea of starting to do something as a couple and then me sliding away quietly once he's got stuck in (sounds like taking my little twins to nursery about 32 years ago !) but I can do that and think it's a good idea. I do appreciate the kind people who've taken the trouble to 'talk' to me - it's nice to be able to share this and see what other people think.

Errata

Human beings have a few basic needs: safety, food, shelter, companionship, something to do, something to look forward to.
A lack of one or any of these affects mood. Perhaps your OH is low in mood because he has nothing to do and nothing to look forward to rather than being depressed ?