Cracking up

pocketrocket_2

worriedsik wrote: »

Is that what you want ? please dont do that to people & too yourself i dated someone similiar to yourself except he was male and he had abandonment issues ( google that ) he treated me the way you are treating your boyfriend & it hurt me so badly i loved him very much but he put me through the wringer and eventually i had to finish with him because he was destroying me.
I know you are hurting and you dont want to hurt him but you really need to get some help to get you over this
This guy iam telling you about ! he just goes from one relationship to another hurting people as he goes , he pushes people away to see if they will take it , its a way for him to see just how much somebody loves him , i used to think he was attention seeking untill i read up on it
does this make sense to you ?

It does scarily sound like me your right, I want people to love me but not at the same time

worriedsik

pocketrocket wrote: »

It does scarily sound like me your right, I want people to love me but not at the same time

ok well google what i told you then go to docs if you think it may be that because although i know you are hurting nobody but a profesional will be able to help you........i tried everything to help the guy i was with but i couldnt help him because he refused to acknowledge that he had a problem whereas you are half way there ...well done for posting and admitting that you have problems xx

worriedsik

ps...i have some links if you are interested i will pm you them ? ?

pocketrocket_2

The more i think about it yes I do try to push him as far as I can see how much he can take, but he is incredibly strong and caring for some reason about me so I just take it out on myself bu hitting my head or not eating etc

pocketrocket_2

worriedsik wrote: »

ps...i have some links if you are interested i will pm you them ? ?

Yes please

worriedsik

pocketrocket wrote: »

The more i think about it yes I do try to push him as far as I can see how much he can take, but he is incredibly strong and caring for some reason about me so I just take it out on myself bu hitting my head or not eating etc

Yes i was very strong and caring about him thats why i took 3 yrs off the stuff you are doing to him....but eventually he wont and then what ?
he is 46 now and is still alone and iam sure he will be with somebody again but only for a short while untill his next relationship goes the same way !! so.........are you going to talk to him and get his support and go to docs ? do this for me and i will feel like i have helped you as i couldnt help him xx

pocketrocket_2

I will phone my doctor I know I need to its so overdue and ruining my life. Its not just partner issues its everything thats affected me I dont think anything has been dealt with properly.

Mrs_Boo_Boo

I agree with the other posters you really need to contact your doctor for intensive counselling. If you are unable to open up in a conventional therapy session perhaps art therapy may help. You don't need to be any good at art or drawing, but it can be a good way for expressing deeply rooted feelings.
With regards to your partner you are rejecting him before he rejects you and testing his loyalty in an extreme way. It almost like you are saying 'I told you so' just like all the others before him.
So glad you have opened up here because although it will be a hard and emotional journey you are ready to take those first steps. Please don't be so hard on yourself you've survived this far and will in the future.
When you are feeling stronger emotionally, other techniques such as Neuro Linguistic Programming and Transational Analysis are a good at recognising how you react to others and they to you.
I wish you all the best in your journey and 2010.

S1976

Hi there, It seems to me that before you can accept someone else's love you have to learn to love yourself first, your blaming yourself for past events that you had no control over, but to regain control your isolating and hurting yourself and possibly the people who do care for you such as your partner, no on can hurt you if your alone right? except your forgetting by being alone your hurting yourself more than anyone else, but because you feel worthless this doesn't matter does it? if your alone, angry and hurting because your only hurting yourself after all...wrong - you want to live, you want to love and deep down you want to be loved and you know what, you deserve it... always remember your past doesn't have to define your life unless you allow it to, make that phone call, don't feel ashamed or embarrassed the doctor and councellor will have heard a lot worse, and as you talk more you will find that talking becomes easier and you will feel less and less alone. You seem strong and I'm sure you will come through this - you just need a little help to overcome your insecurities and fears. Take care now

mumslave

Hi Pocketrocket. Your post reminded me very much of myself, a few years ago. Like you, I had and still do have a lot of anger issues, relating to past happenings. Smashing up phones etc was quite common for me back then. Whenever I felt let down, or that I was letting others down, I just couldnt cope with simple situations, and like you would make everything even worse, by being spiteful, to myself as much as others.

When you have been abused, especially by a family member, as a young child, you can unconsciously blame yourself for what happened. It may sound ridiculous, but its true. Especially when that person is a parent. It is easier for a child to believe they must be the bad one, than the person that is meant to love and take care of them. This in turn can lead to anger issues, with yourself.

Self harming is a clear sign of feeling unable to express yourself, the pain takes away the frustration, when you cant understand or talk about your feelings. I think you really need to try to get some counselling. You may be like me and think, yeah whats the point in going to see someone, whom knows nothing about me and will probably quote textbooks at me...but you may be pleasantly suprised. It took a few attempts but I eventually found a counsellor whom was very good, she helped me understand that things that happened in my life were not caused by me, and techniques with how to deal with anger and rejection.

A few more years on and I dont feel anything like that person I did. Please do try to get yourself help, you have every right to it and as impossible as it might seem, you can be happy one day. xxx