Pregnant at 45 with coil fitted - help

nottslass_2

diable wrote: »

I heard that being pregnant when you are older is meant to make a woman look and feel 5 years younger

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

OMG I nearly broke my waters laughing at that one !!!! I'm 42 in feb and 38 weeks PG and feel about 95.lol.

Seriously though,after 2x IVF I'm over the moon to be the size of a house and have swollen ankles and I can't wait to meet our baby :j

To the OP, good luck whatever you decide.

lellyo

BonandDom wrote: »

Well not so much help, but a chat really.

I have had a coil fitted since the birth of my DD (16 now) and never had any problems. My period was due mid dec and I got the normal signs, lower back pain, heaviness etc but only very small spotting. I have never been particularly regular and having recently suffered from night sweats and extreme moodiness (according to DH:rolleyes:) I though I maybe starting the menopause as my mum had hers in her early 40's.

Anyway, since then I have been bleeding, very slightly. With Chrismas, snow, starting a new job etc I finally got round to going to the docs yesterday. :eek::eek:I'm pregnant:D:D.


I don't know what to feel, been up all night worrying and thinking.

I am in reasonable good health, however these things keep going round in my head

- I'll be 61 and this baby will still be at school
- I'm not sure that we can afford this baby, DH's business suffering in the current economic climate, so I have had to find a temp 6 month job (ironically to cover maternity leave).
- As well as working full time I also do all the admin and book-keeping for hubby, three dogs etc
- DD - how is she going to react, she has had a particularly bad time with bullying at school and I can't help feeling its not fair on her, she's wanting to go to uni after college and I just can't see us being able to afford it with this baby
- what risks are there because I have a coil fitted
- what risks are there because I'm 45

I have another appointment at the docs on monday, when I wil ask to have a scan done to find out just how far gone I am.

Anyone out there who has been in a similar position, can offer advice etc, just need to hear what others have to say

Thank you and sorry for the long winded explanation

Hi

Congratulations!!

I would just like to let you know that I have just had my first child at the age of 46, he is our first. In too thought at first that I was starting with the menopause, but when I missed my period(I was always regular!) the alarm bells where ringing!! We had given up thinking that we would ever have children, (we've been married 12 years and never used any contraception). To say I was mortified at first would be an understatement, all I kept thinking of was what people would say about me being pregnant at my age!! ( I do feel ashamed of myself now, i must admit for thinking that!), but everyone was so pleased and excited and supportive that it made it so much easier for us.

throughout my pregancy I was fit and well, no problems what so ever and gave birth to our beautiful son just before christmas.

I do fully understand your concerns, what age you'll be while he's still at school etc, I too went over and over the same things, but none of that matters when i look at him and know he's our little miracle and that he's truely loved, no matter what!

HTH, a bit?

lellyo

1more?

congratulations
i just wanted to add i told my dd nearly 13 that we are expecting a baby in july, i thought she would be horrified & discusted that mam & dad still do it:rotfl::rotfl: but she was over the moon and couldnt wait to tell her friends
but i would take time out to get used to it yourself first
best wishes sneggy

Errata

OP - the only useful thing I can suggest is that you sit down, write a list of all the opetions, then write another list of the benefits and drawbacks of each option. Sometimes writing stuff down helps to clarify both the situation and thinking. HTH

kingfisherblue

I'm going to add a bit about a different side to pregnancy in an older mother - the risks of Down's syndrome. I'm not sure of the risk at 45, but at 40 it is 1:100.

I was 29 when I had my son, who has DS. Three weeks before he was born, I was told by my consultant that there was a rare abnormality in my baby's digestive system and this increased the risk that he was DS. When he was born, he had the abnormality, plus others, and required surgery on the day that he was born. He was seven days old before I held him, as he was in intensive care. that was the same day that I was told the results for DS were positive.

He is now almost 12 years old. His digestive problems have continued to cause difficulties, but the learning difficulty is easy to manage in comparison. He can be grumpy, he can be loving, he can be stubborn, he can be sympathetic, he can be generous. In short, he is just like any other child in many ways.

My son attended mainstream primary school and the local education authority provided additional support in class. He was very popular and some of his friends from that school still come round to see him. Wherever we go, adults and children know him and stop us while they speak to him. He has never been bullied.

I took the difficult decision to send him to a special school when he turned 11, as I felt this school was better for my son's needs. He is happy and settled there (but missing it at the moment - it is closed because of the weather ).

I could bore you forever, but I won't. I have never regretted having my son. His needs mean that my life is very different than I imagined, but I have a whole new set of friends as a result. I have also learned so much and decided to study for a degree in Inclusive Education (I graduated last year :j)

Needless to say, I adore my son as much as I adore my other two children, who were born without disabilities. He needs more care, but I don't see that as a problem. He is good at some things, not very good at others. He has lots of medical problems, but most of these stem from his birth defects and are not common in children with or without DS. He loves to read, although his level is that of a six year old rather than an 11 year old.

With this pregnancy, you might decide to have tests to check for DS. You might then have a difficult decision to make if they are positive. Whatever happens, and whatever you decide, I wish you all the best. I love my son to bits, but I realise that not everyone would choose to keep a child with DS.

Take care x

tiamai_d

I'm not 45, but I did find out I was pregnant Jan last year when I had a coil in (minera). My last pregnancy (second, I also had problems with the first) was difficult and there were complications so I was told it was too dangerous for me to have any more, the word my consultant used at the time was 'suicide'. So you can imagine my shock.

I did the tests in the morning, seen my GP straight away and was in the early pregnancy assessment suite by lunch time. The scan showed no sign of the coil. Did your GP mention a scan? It is too high a risk of ectopic when you have a coil in, although by the sounds of it, you are a good few weeks on so the ectopic risk is done with, you would have known by now. I still think you should get a scan as soon as possible to see if it is possible to remove the coil, if its still there or what is going on.

Anyway, I followed my heart, even though my first consultant strongly recommended a termination and my little princess is here safe and sound.

However, if at any point I had a feeling it wouldn't go well (with DS2 I just knew from the moment I discovered I was pregnant that it would be bad), I would have been happy with my two boys.

As for the 'risk of disability' to the baby, my Ds2 is disabled, cerebral palsy due to his birth. It can happen to anyone at any time, and while it is hard work sometimes, it's also one of the most wonderful things. Seeing a child reach a milestone you were told they never would, it makes everything worthwhile.

Best of luck in whatever you decide.

jimjams_mommy

Hi bonanddom
If your worried could I suggest getting a scan outside the NHS. I had one during this pregnacy as I would have had to wait 3weeks. (I had a late misscarriage last year due to the baby's heartproblems) It was about £70 but the peace of mind I got was priceless. There are quiet a few local to me, but every area is different so try yellow pages or looking on line. Good luck, I have a very good friend who had her first child at the age of 43 and second at 45. Age is how you feel, think we all know a mum who is in their early 30s and look in their late 40s!(me in the morning ) good luck

*Vikki*

Congrats! I was just thinking my dad is 61 this year and sister is 16 this year. Sister was last of four daughters. Eldest 31, 30, me 23 and sister 15. Kids keep you young, my dad certainly doesn't act his age, mum too!

cazziej

Hi there

Although I was a bit younger than you (31), the same thing happened to me. We already had 2 children aged 10 and 7 and our family was complete. I had a Mirena coil when I found out I was pregnant by chance (I was due a period and was going on holiday within a few days and so wanted to take Norethisterone to delay my period while I was away, I took a pregnancy test simply because there was one in my office - I work in a GP surgery, just to be sure).

I was mortified when the test was positive. GP bundled me off for a scan, due to the higher risk of ectopic pregnancy with a coil. The scan found the coil but no baby:eek: as it was very early days. I was kept in and prepped for a laparoscopy to see what was going on. At the VERY last minute, the doctor said they had changed their minds and would wait and see (as the Lap carried a risk of miscarriage and I had made it clear that I would be keeping the baby if it all possible). They removed the coil immediately as they made it clear that although removing it could cause a miscarriage, if they left it in, it could cause a miscarriage much further down the line.

Anyway, the point I am trying to make (rather badly!) is that although the baby came as a complete shock and had obviously not been planned for, I can honestly say that we have never, for one single second, regretted going ahead with the pregnancy. He is now a typical teenage boy (14 next week) and he is adored by all the family, including his older brother (now 24) and sister (nearly 21) who spoil him like mad. I really can't imagine life without him, and it is just as though he was "meant to be", I can't explain it.

I appreciate that things are a bit different for you, and that you are slightly older than I was, but if anything I think having a baby helps to keep you younger.

Whatever you decide, make sure it is what YOU want to do, and not something that you are talked into.

Good luck for the future. x

C.

Savvy_Sue

The one thing I'd say you really don't have to worry about is that keeping the baby will mean your daughter can't go to University.

Your daughter has a choice about whether or not she wants to go. If she wants to go, she will definitely be able to get loans, and she may get some grants. If she gets a part time job while she does her A levels, she can get some savings behind her. It will be her choice what she spends that money on, and while you might have chosen to subsidise her student lifestyle, it's really not necessary.

Can't help with any of the other thoughts whirring round your brain.