Pregnant at 45 with coil fitted - help

BonandDom

Well not so much help, but a chat really.

I have had a coil fitted since the birth of my DD (16 now) and never had any problems. My period was due mid dec and I got the normal signs, lower back pain, heaviness etc but only very small spotting. I have never been particularly regular and having recently suffered from night sweats and extreme moodiness (according to DH:rolleyes:) I though I maybe starting the menopause as my mum had hers in her early 40's.

Anyway, since then I have been bleeding, very slightly. With Chrismas, snow, starting a new job etc I finally got round to going to the docs yesterday. :eek::eek:I'm pregnant:D:D.


I don't know what to feel, been up all night worrying and thinking.

I am in reasonable good health, however these things keep going round in my head

- I'll be 61 and this baby will still be at school
- I'm not sure that we can afford this baby, DH's business suffering in the current economic climate, so I have had to find a temp 6 month job (ironically to cover maternity leave).
- As well as working full time I also do all the admin and book-keeping for hubby, three dogs etc
- DD - how is she going to react, she has had a particularly bad time with bullying at school and I can't help feeling its not fair on her, she's wanting to go to uni after college and I just can't see us being able to afford it with this baby
- what risks are there because I have a coil fitted
- what risks are there because I'm 45

I have another appointment at the docs on monday, when I wil ask to have a scan done to find out just how far gone I am.

Anyone out there who has been in a similar position, can offer advice etc, just need to hear what others have to say

Thank you and sorry for the long winded explanation

WestWalesWannabee

Hi,

Well unfortunately I don't have any real advice to give you but just wanted to say congratulations! Must have come as a bit of a shock though.

I've just had my first coil fitted at 35 and haven't had children yet and wondered how I would be feeling if I found out i was pregnant on it.

I'm sure it'll all start to become clearer in the next few days but just wanted to say I wish you all the best and congrats.

:j

Curious_George_2

hi,
only you can decide if your 'too old' or it doesnt fit with your circumstances, if you can afford it etc (or if you can cope with a stroppy teenager in your 60's )
A baby disrupts every part of your (and your immediate families) life no matter what age you are! what has your OH / DD said? maybe call a family meeting after you have been back to the docs and discuss your options?

Im not medically trained in anyway so cant answer the coil question, however ive always belived there is a greater risk of eptopic pregnancies if you fall while you have one fitted, did your doc mention this at all?
I have a coil and its always worried me when i hear people have fallen pregnant anyway, I really dont like the idea of the removal incase it effects the baby but like i said... thats just me thinking the worst with no medical backup!
I know there are greater risks of things like Downs Syndrome the older you are but i dont know the numbers, im sure someone better informed than me will be along to help you

how much admin and paperwork do your dogs give you :)

Penny-Pincher!!

Just wanted to send you a hug really.

I am 35 and would be mortified if I found I was pregnant.

My friend had a baby at 42 and he was unplanned (sp). They have 2 older children and they do find it very difficult as he has so much energy. Her husband is 53 and works all the hrs so he isnt at home:rolleyes:...she is alot calmer though and laid back than she was with the others. She has always been a heavy socialiser and she has found that difficult as she has had to cut back and carry on working as they need the money. The other 2 children do suffer IMO as all their attention is on the toddler.

I have another friend who had a baby at 44 and she loves it!....the baby keeps her young IYKWIM. She doesnt have any other children though.

There are choices for you, but only you can decide these. There are pros and cons to all of them.

Thinking of you.

PP
xx

Gingham_Ribbon

BonandDom wrote: »

I don't know what to feel, been up all night worrying and thinking.

I am in reasonable good health, however these things keep going round in my head

- I'll be 61 and this baby will still be at school
- I'm not sure that we can afford this baby, DH's business suffering in the current economic climate, so I have had to find a temp 6 month job (ironically to cover maternity leave).
- As well as working full time I also do all the admin and book-keeping for hubby, three dogs etc
- DD - how is she going to react, she has had a particularly bad time with bullying at school and I can't help feeling its not fair on her, she's wanting to go to uni after college and I just can't see us being able to afford it with this baby
- what risks are there because I have a coil fitted
- what risks are there because I'm 45

I can't imagine how you're feeling. I hope your doctor is a good one as it sounds like you really need to do lots of talking.

Re finances - have a look into tax credits to see what help you'd get. Hopefully, that will make the financial situation a bit clearer.

I don't have anything to add really, except that I didn't want to read and run. The best to you.

lolababy

Hi congratulations. My friend was fourty six when she became pregnant and said although it was a shock said it was the best thing that has happened to her. Her eldest was in his twenties and like you she had a teenage daughter.
People live longer and are more healthy in general than they were in years gone by. Im sure your daughter will come around to the idea .

kindofagilr

Only you can decide, not much help am I lol

But you might be suprised by your DD's reaction, I was bullied at school (of course if depends what for) and I always wanted a little brother lol

My MIL's brother was born when heir mam was 45 I think.

Good Luck xxx

BonandDom

Curious_George wrote: »

hi,

A baby disrupts every part of your (and your immediate families) life no matter what age you are! what has your OH / DD said? DH was as shocked as me - his reponse was "How?":rotfl:Made me laugh. We haven't mentioned it to DD yet! maybe call a family meeting after you have been back to the docs and discuss your options? We will definately do this after the docs/scan

Im not medically trained in anyway so cant answer the coil question, however ive always belived there is a greater risk of eptopic pregnancies if you fall while you have one fitted, did your doc mention this at all? He did, advised if I suffered any pains to go to accident and emergency immediately, it also concerns me that I am bleeding as well, even if it is slight.
I have a coil and its always worried me when i hear people have fallen pregnant anyway, I really dont like the idea of the removal incase it effects the baby searching the internet it says after the scan they would remove it if safe, but this can cause miscarriages, but leaving it in can cause miscarriages as well - over the the experts I suppose

how much admin and paperwork do your dogs give you :) Tons of it :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Penny-Pincher!! wrote: »

Just wanted to send you a hug really.
Thank you so very much, not sure I could cope with one at the moment as I would be sobbing
I am 35 and would be mortified if I found I was pregnant.

Gingham_Ribbon wrote: »

I can't imagine how you're feeling. I hope your doctor is a good one as it sounds like you really need to do lots of talking.He was lovely yesterday, although that may have just been the look of shock on my face:o

Re finances - have a look into tax credits to see what help you'd get. Hopefully, that will make the financial situation a bit clearer.Will defo do this

I don't have anything to add really, except that I didn't want to read and run. The best to you. Thank you

Thank you for all your kind words....I just seem to be going round and round in circles at the moment

S1976

Hi,

It's a tough one - my mum had me when she was 42, I'm now nearly 34 so I can only give advice from the childs point of view, growing up with an older mum.
It was OK, but also at times very tough, my mum was a mum of her age, for instance she was never really up to date with the modern fashion and a little out of touch with the younger generation and idea's. I was picked on a little at school because she was 'old' compaired to other mums, she couldn't really help me much with school work as it was all a lot different from when she was a child and education had changed so much. However, remember this was 30+ years ago, times have changed and women tend to stay young and in tune with things to a lot older age then days. My dad died at aged 57 when I was 15 after being ill for a long time, I think if I had have been born sooner obviousley I would have been older and better prepaired to cope with death - my mum is coming 76 this year and I do wish at times I could leave my children (who are 5 and adore her) with my mum over night and a little more often but that's just not possible. If you ask would I change things? then hell no. Apart from the above, my mum was loving, kind and patient and above all taught me values beyond anything a younger mum could have - she talks about the wars she has seen and the old ration days, and how things were years gone by. Although I know I will probably still be young when she dies, I wouldn't change a thing Sorry can't be more help, but thought I would give you a small perspective from the 'other' side

Oh and I also have 5 older brothers 19 years between me and the older one, after the initial shock, I'm told all was good, he use to cross the road initially while walking down the road with mum and her bump but once mum told him he could choose my name all was good LOL

southoftheriver

I can understand why you are so confused at the moment, this was not part of your plans! But you did put two massive smiley faces next to the news so can I take it that you are at least slightly pleased with the news?

I don't have any experience of this at all, but with regards to your DD she might find it nice having a younger sibling. And if she has her heart set on uni then she can still go. Working part time before and during uni can make a big difference (I have/do) and having a sibling might give her something positive to focus on.

Sorry that wasn't really very helpful. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

cheepskate_2

Congratulations :beer:

I always beleive in fate, and whas meant to happen will.

If I had to live life in "what if" i would never have done loads of things in my life.

I would say, just go with what you feel about the baby and dont worry about the what if's, because you will find they take care of themselves.

Good luck in all you do.