am i wrong?

Anthillmob

sorry.....but you know what? i said that without losing it. ive been trying to say that for years but always get upset and now i say it without a flinch and on the wrong thread lol.

shellsuit

Ant, I was gonna say, if you don't want to go, don't go. You don't need to justify yourself to your family, let alone anyone here

scottishchick27

Yes you're a troll, naff off.

jennihen

Anthillmob wrote: »

thats why no one gave a !!!! about me and my sister when our dad died, everyone was too busy fawning over my mum to ask how we were as kids in our early-mid teens. 'you have to look after your mum now' yeah ok but hey we lost our dadm and no one seems to care.

woah................sorry. deep seated anger issue coming out here i think....

Definitely . . and quite rightly. Been there and only just working through it with my sisters.
Now might be a good time to look for someone to talk to about this and, in the meantime send your relative a lovely picture of your growing family with a note explaining why you can't be there.
Good luck, I hope you find some resolution and happiness
JH x

Bobby2

im not disrespectful to my mum.

i see the confusion with my OP. i mean ive told her previous that i dont need crap at the moment. she dont even understand that im depressed. 'but how can you be depressed?' was her reaction.

to her depression only happend when you lose your partner/husband. untilmthen no one is allowed to be depressed.

thats why no one gave a !!!! about me and my sister when our dad died, everyone was too busy fawning over my mum to ask how we were as kids in our early-mid teens. 'you have to look after your mum now' yeah ok but hey we lost our dadm and no one seems to care.

woah................sorry. deep seated anger issue coming out here i think....[/QUOTE]

Do not feel pressurised into attending your uncle's 70th - send him a card and some flowers with best wishes for the day - get your kids to make him a special card (homemade are always so much nicer than shop bought from children). Why don't you invite your uncle to visit you for a day/weekend and have a second party for him? Why should it be only the Queen that has two birthdays - you could tell him that you will treat him like a King!
I would suggest that this is the tip of the iceberg and that you have some deep rooted issues that you need to deal with. Losing a parent in your teens is a dreadful experience, and people do not (or did not) appreciate the pain that you and your siblings were going through. I do hope that you are getting some support from your GP for your depression. Please do go to see your GP and ask him if he could offer you some bereavement support - sometimes speaking to a counsellor is easier than speaking to someone you know, as you can say what you want without being judged - please realise that your opinion counts and if something is hurting or upsetting you IT MATTERS!
Sending you big hugs and hope that you will be able to resolve this situation.

misty_blue_2

Ant
dont feel like you have to go
only you know how you feel, and if you can afford it,
if you can't or dont feel like you can/want to go then do what is best for you
families can put so much pressure on you without even realising that they are doing it.

shellsuit

Yes wrote: »

No. It's an honest opinion. Imagine if you had a member of a family who rarely came to see you, when he did he was always down, unmotivated, moaning about everything, feeling sorry for himself. You'd soon rather they didn't show up.

Think you'll find the OP is a she.

And I don't think the OP's family know all the problems she's got, otherwise they would understand why she doesn't want to go ~ or they should do!

mumOf2wonderfulkids

Anthillmob wrote: »

i dont need this kind of crap right now and have told her this. recenly diagnosed with depression and would rather stay in the confides of my own home that go out regardless who it is.

i know im probably being mean but am i wrong?

i was one of those people who didnt believe in depression (and i have had plenty to gt depressed about trust me) and always thought ''those people'' should pull themselves together until i got so bad i was preparing tea one night and wondered what it would be like if i took the knife in my hand and sliced my arm. I didnt thankfully and that was my turning point.

but i strongly believe that you cant fully understand depression unless you have experienced it yourself.

however, (and please dont take this wrong as i may be way off the mark) but when i was depressed i would make all sorts of excuses not to go out, as i just wanted to stay in my little hole.
If it is genuinely because of the lack of money, could you not say to your mum that you really cant afford it?

Maybe you could speak to your uncle and explain to him the reason why you cant make it at least then he will know in case (not saying your family is but i know what my family are like!) anybody makes an incorrect comment.

Anthillmob

can you get bereavement support after 14/15 years?

im meant to be having counselling arranged via work after a manic work crimbo party where i got bladdered and said something i shouldnt on facebook about some colleagues [no one would have been any the wiser had it not been for little miss brown nose grassing me up big style]. but i accept my bad and had a chat with a manager about it and explained about the depression thing etc and he said he would get me counselling and thats the last ive heard.

ive emailed him but he hasnt replied and i feel too ashamed to go and ask him.

Anthillmob

i never speak to my uncle. we arent even close. christmas cards and thats it, might see him at a wedding but they very rare.

money is a big issue here. on top of debts and stuff i owe me mum £200. so if she offers to pay just to save her own face i think i might be livind as im owing her this cash, we are trying to get straight and pay everyone back.

its all complicated.