am i wrong?

Anthillmob

soz you helpful folks but another problem.

i have an uncle who i rarely see who will be 70 this year. he lives on the south coast.

his daughter has arranged a 'lunch' for people to celebrate his birthday at the end of the months down where he lives.

very nice and all that especially as she has laid on a minibus to pick people up and then bring them all back to their homes dotted around london.

with 2 young kids requiring car seats i cant have them go in a minibus and we cannot afford a meal for 4 of us plus petrol costs there and back for a couple of hours spent passing pleasantries with family, most of whom i rarely see.

i appreciate my uncle is ill but if we cant afford it then im sure he will understand.

however my mums reaction when i told her was 'oh be like that then' and then proceded to tell me who was going and how they are getting there.

well bully for them.

i dont need this kind of crap right now and have told her this. recenly diagnosed with depression and would rather stay in the confides of my own home that go out regardless who it is.

i know im probably being mean but am i wrong?

CRANKY40

Why can't you take the kids in a mini bus? There should be seatbelts to fasten their car seats in?

justcat

I think it's fine that you don't go. You are a grown up so it's your choice. The main thing though - if you can't afford it, you can't afford it! They should understand!

Minxy_Bella

If you don't want to go, then you don't go, love. There's no right or wrong about it.

Just politely decline and send your uncle a card. Nobody needs to know why or why not - it's your decision.

Amanda65

If it is cost, could you not attend with your mum so you see your uncle and leave your OH and children at home ?

If you don't want to go because you are unwell then I am sure that the explanation quietly to your cousin and a card wishing you Uncle a nice day will suffice.

McKneff

I'm not surprised at her reaction really.

Saying nicely, 'sorry mum, i would love to come but we're skint' and really cant afford it' would have been far better than 'I cant do with crap like this'
And like cranky40 says, there is no reason why you cant take the kids on a minibus.
If you dont see him often and you really cant be bothered, (which i can understand) then just dont get stressed about it. Just be honest withyourself
and send your apologies.

springclean

oh ok, i'll stick my head above the parapet first... (edited - took a bit long typing didnt I..?!)

only you know if you are wrong, given how much he means to you and what you know about your family.

if this was a dear person to you, you know you would move heaven and earth to be there. you would find someone to have the kids, and tbh it's probably not a young kids thing anyway.

personally, i think you are using money and the car seats as a way in which to get out of it, probably because you are anxious about leaving home, because of your medical condition at the moment. that said, being defensive and aggressive in your response ('bully for them'), won't help you be understood by your family.

i hope you feel better soon, and do what you feel is right.

sandiep

Don't rain on their parade. It's not their fault that you can't/don't want to go, so don't do the "bully for them" thing, at least enjoy the spirit of the event even if you can't physically be there.

Spendless

You can put kids car seats on the seats in a mini-bus ants.Or are you saying you'd have to go and buy 2 car seats for the journey as you don't have a car? How long is it though and how long a day will it be? That would be my concern if I had 2 young kids and was having to come back when everyone else was ready. Alternatively, do you have someone who could mind the kids whilst you and mr Ants go? You don't have to though.

Anthillmob

CRANKY40 wrote: »

Why can't you take the kids in a mini bus? There should be seatbelts to fasten their car seats in?

believe me their car seats are a pain in the bumhole to fit. and im not too keen on minibusses either.

if we could afford to go then fine but have rent arreas, ctax arrears, nursery fees to pay, loans and credit cards. all budgeted for plus cost of bills and living expenses. no can do.

Anthillmob

McKneff wrote: »

I'm not surprised at her reaction really.

Saying nicely, 'sorry mum, i would love to come but we're skint' and really cant afford it' would have been far better than 'I cant do with crap like this'
And like cranky40 says, there is no reason why you cant take the kids on a minibus.
If you dont see him often and you really cant be bothered, (which i can understand) then just dont get stressed about it. Just be honest withyourself
and send your apologies.

sorry i never said that to my mum. i just said we werent coming. if she pushes it then she will get what you said which are my feelings.

im not disrespectful to my mum.

i see the confusion with my OP. i mean ive told her previous that i dont need crap at the moment. she dont even understand that im depressed. 'but how can you be depressed?' was her reaction.

to her depression only happend when you lose your partner/husband. untilmthen no one is allowed to be depressed.

thats why no one gave a !!!! about me and my sister when our dad died, everyone was too busy fawning over my mum to ask how we were as kids in our early-mid teens. 'you have to look after your mum now' yeah ok but hey we lost our dadm and no one seems to care.

woah................sorry. deep seated anger issue coming out here i think....