am i wrong?

shellsuit

McKneff wrote: »

Did i miss the part of this thread where Ant has actually been diagnosed with depression by her GP,

Yes, you did, it's in the OP.

LondonDiva

Easiest solution seems to be taking up advice given earlier to go on your own, so your DH can mind the kids at home.

Win / Win

MrsE_2

Anthillmob wrote: »

i never speak to my uncle. we arent even close. christmas cards and thats it, might see him at a wedding but they very rare.

money is a big issue here. on top of debts and stuff i owe me mum £200. so if she offers to pay just to save her own face i think i might be livind as im owing her this cash, we are trying to get straight and pay everyone back.

its all complicated.

So its money?
You have precious little of it & you don't want to struggle to find money you can't afford to go & do something you don't really want to do.

Tell them that & if they complain say "put your money where your mouth is & pay":D

CRANKY40

So what we need now is a cast iron reason for Ant to give to her mum for not going. It also has to sound plausible when her mum tells other family members why she's not there, so I'm guessing depression or lack of funds should probably not be mentioned.
Having seen the other post about struggling with number one child's bedtime, maybe sleep training/not wanting to disrupt child's routine could be a good reason?

Gingham_Ribbon

CRANKY40 wrote: »

So what we need now is a cast iron reason for Ant to give to her mum for not going. It also has to sound plausible when her mum tells other family members why she's not there, so I'm guessing depression or lack of funds should probably not be mentioned.
Having seen the other post about struggling with number one child's bedtime, maybe sleep training/not wanting to disrupt child's routine could be a good reason?

I wonder why a reason needs to be given. Surely 'I can't make it. I'm sorry I won't be there' should be enough for anyone with an ounce of respect for her.

MyRubyRed

OP appears to be very angry and upset.
She does not appear to be close to the uncle and I suspect the issue is more around her relationship with immediate family and perceived lack of support from her mum?

Anthillmob

cheers all, mixed messages here and appreciate them all.

was pleasantly suprised when me mum came round today and simply asked if i had changed my mind and when i said no she left well alone. so i got myself into a state yesterday over nothing. she does wind me up though sometimes.

i know shes my mum. but jesus....

funny thing is she got chops one of them easle things for crimbo and tonight on the chalk side i find the wrods 'i love you' chalked there. i replied 'soppy sod' thinking it was my OH and then asked him and he swears he never wrote the 'i love you'. must have been me mum, but to whom? probably the kids

clairehi

Anthillmob wrote: »

no one gave a !!!! about me and my sister when our dad died, everyone was too busy fawning over my mum to ask how we were as kids in our early-mid teens. 'you have to look after your mum now' yeah ok but hey we lost our dadm and no one seems to care.

woah................sorry. deep seated anger issue coming out here i think....

I think youve hit the nail on the head there OP.

no-one acknowledged your need then (to grieve for your dad), and now your uncle is old and unwell, you are expected to do your family duty again, and put your own needs/concerns/money worries aside.

no wonder you feel angry. sometimes just understanding where the feelings come from helps. glad your mum has chilled out a bit but maybe, when the dust has settled, you could sit down with her sometime and talk about what happened when your dad died, to get it straight in your own head?

Lilith1980

clairehi wrote: »

glad your mum has chilled out a bit but maybe, when the dust has settled, you could sit down with her sometime and talk about what happened when your dad died, to get it straight in your own head?

I think this is a good idea and something I will be doing this year with my Mum as I am hoping it will give us both an understanding of each other and bring us closer. Although, I'm having counselling and my anger at my Mum has gone now and that's where my drive to talk to her has come from. IfI had attempted to do this before I fear it would have been me placing blame at my Mum's doorstep and this would have created a huge rift between us.

I think Ant you might still benefit from going to see someone on your own to talk about things. Maybe you will also benefit from talking to your Mum but it might be useful to sort out what your own feelings are first before talking to your Mum as you may have a clearer idea of what you would say to her once they are sorted out in your own mind.

McKneff

This might be a big step for you, but next time you see you mum, before anything is said, dont think about it, just give her a hug. I guarantee you will both feel better for it.
Yes?