am i wrong?

C_Mababejive

Its fine that you dont go,its your choice but when people are depressed,they naturally withdraw. Sometimes it really helps to force yourself out,so socialise and network. It helps you and you can gather support so it might be just worthwhile making yourself go. Its quite possible it will make you feel better. Been there,done it.

Mrs_Thrify

Yes, we had this too a few years ago. We were asked to pay for all 5 family members and a portion of the couples bill so the meal would be free to them. We would have all loved to go to the lunch BUT it is a money thing so Oh went on his own to represent all of us wile I stayed at home with the 3 children. It was a birthday for his parents.

Gingham_Ribbon

I really feel for you. I'd be completely overwhelmed at the prospect of trailing on a minibus with 2 toddlers and their car seats. Even if your family were supportive and helpful, it would still be hard work, especially with your hands being painful.

Given depression, money worries and 2 young children to deal with, I don't see how anyone can expect you to cope with all that the trip would entail. If it was a family member that you were very close with, then maybe there was a good reason to put yourself through it. As it is, if an apology and a card isn't enough, then it's not you that has the problem. In my opinion.

I will say though that I think CM is right about withdrawing when you're depressed. Make sure you are still socialising and doing things that push your comfort zone a little. This trip sounds a bit much though and for little return.

Give these people a call, ant.

Penny-Pincher!!

Anth.....but would you go even if you weren't depressed? Your OP makes me think that you truly dont want to go but others are making you feel guilty for not going!

I loathe family functions with a passion:D

Please don't feel guilty as you've done nothing wrong. Your situation makes sense not to go IYKWIM.

If it's a distant relative that you rarely see, I would send a card and wish him a lovely and apologise for not being able to make it etc. Dont stipulate reasons as that really isnt anyones business!

If others have a problem with your decision, then that's their problem!

Again....I loathe family functions.

Chin up!!

PP
xx

Gingham_Ribbon

Off topic:

Shell, my 2 year old says about your avatar:

What a gorgeous baby. Coochie coochie coo!:D

(I agree with him totally!)

Lilith1980

Anthillmob wrote: »

can you get bereavement support after 14/15 years?

im meant to be having counselling arranged via work after a manic work crimbo party where i got bladdered and said something i shouldnt on facebook about some colleagues [no one would have been any the wiser had it not been for little miss brown nose grassing me up big style]. but i accept my bad and had a chat with a manager about it and explained about the depression thing etc and he said he would get me counselling and thats the last ive heard.

ive emailed him but he hasnt replied and i feel too ashamed to go and ask him.

Hi Ant, if you don't want to go to this event then don't go.

On the counselling side, my father died when I was 13 (nearly 17 years ago) and I am having counselling now for that and other things. I'm training to be a counsellor so it's important that I work through this and anything else niggling!

Like you, I felt I had to fend for myself. Mum was dealing with her grief (which is fair enough) but me and my brothers kind of got overlooked. I have felt anger over this but counselling is helping

It might be worth looking to see what counselling agencies are in your area if your manager doesn't seem to be responding to you. Is there a local MIND near you or something like that?

shellsuit

Gingham_Ribbon wrote: »

Off topic:

Shell, my 2 year old says about your avatar:

What a gorgeous baby. Coochie coochie coo!:D

(I agree with him totally!)

Oh bless, how sweet ~ and thank you both!













Ant, how are you feeling this morning?

Curious_George_2

I wouldnt want to go on the minibus and ive only got one toddler,
lugging 2 car seats (i assume we are talking about the BIG heavy armchair type like my 2YO has?) luggage, buggies, the children etc is just not practical and would stress even the least depressed people out!

id be worrying about the little stuff too like...would the seats stay on the bus? or would we have to take them in with us?

Plus all the extra expense on a trip your not that keen on... I would politely decline too... sometimes you just cant go to these things no matter what emotional blackmail your family might put on you!

Please dont fret about it, if your mother wants to be funny... well then let her, my mum always has the ar*e about smething, i find it best to switch my phone off for a while and let her get on with it!

Pollycat

Anthillmob wrote: »

i never speak to my uncle. we arent even close. christmas cards and thats it, might see him at a wedding but they very rare.

money is a big issue here. on top of debts and stuff i owe me mum £200. so if she offers to pay just to save her own face i think i might be livind as im owing her this cash, we are trying to get straight and pay everyone back.

its all complicated.

Ant
I think this says it all.

I can understand totally why you are reluctant to go - and that's not even taking into account your concerns re the children's safety on the bus, the financial cost (which as you say could be better spent elsewhere) and your medical condition.

If you feel up to it, do you think you could sit down with your Mum and explain to her why you don't want to accept this invitation.
Maybe she's pushing you to go because she feels you're putting her in an awkward situation as she'll have to explain your absence to the rest of the family.
If so, that's HER problems, not yours.

Do make the decision that is right for YOU (and your family), not the one that suits other people.

Best wishes

McKneff

Did i miss the part of this thread where Ant has actually been diagnosed with depression by her GP,