depression

Miroslav

Tiff wrote:

Hi Hun,
Just an idea but why don't you alll just meet up without laying down more rules than the Geneva Convention? If she likes you in that way, that's fine. Try not to define the relationship before it's started angel - give it a fighting chance. If you're open and honest with each other, what the relationship is meant to be will sort itself out hun. You just have to talk to each other. You should take this as a huge slap on the back that she seems to have found you attractive. I can understand about you not wanting to get it wrong or hurt her feelings or your own but maybe she has learned some experience from past relationships and is ready to try again. I know you're more than nervous but go ahead, meet up and enjoy those butterfly feelings in your stomach!
Just because there is mental ill health, this doesn't mean you're not entitled to an intimate relationship. Good luck again angel - que sera,sera.
Tiff x

I think it's me laying down rules. Sort of defence rules, so the hurt isn't so bad?

I think she finds me attractive as she finds every bloke attractive probably. Got a willy? you'll do, kind of thing I just don't want that, not yet. Has to be friends first, or i'd be being disloyal to my dearly departed partner. I wouldn't treat her like that. Has to be someone who accepts that I may not be in the bed as quick as others

I'm just wondering if it's all worth it. I have so much baggage - so has she, but I can accept that. She's better looking than me, she can have a pick of alot of blokes if she wants, alot of them bad for her, but she can have a choice. Probably nothing in common, she's outgoing, i'm not. I want to be friends, she want's sex, so if she does like me, it's for that reason, I've been hurt too many times, I don't want to find out she doesn't like me.

I've no money, can't drive, rent home, no job, no nothing, apart from a big heart and alot of love, and it seems most women don't want what I have. They want all the materials I've got the impression she's not a snob or anything, but maybe she wants all the materials

Maybe I should save my pain and nip it in the bud before I get hurt again. She's probably only agreeing to meet me as she feels pressured by my flatmate and/or is doing it as a favour to flatmate.

I don't want to be a charity case

Horasio

rose07 wrote:

i hope you didnt think i was having a go?

ah yes teenager age, and uni. like my bro.

well i think its up to you both and your son as to what he wants to do in his final years of uni, i lived at uni because i had too, and the experience of it is great but at the same time i would say exercise with caution as it can get a bit manic. lol

its good that you have rules in place, this can make sure he is not tooo disruptive. But he will learn things in time. as im sure you know.

i am sure he wants to feel independent soon enough and expand his wings in the real world as it were. lol

i think for the moment do what you feel is right for you, dont worry about having to go out and get a job, just take it one day at a time.
i havent had a job since may so my new job is either going to be right or very wrong.

you could always get some in house help, but that would of course require money, and well its like a circle aint it?
x

I didn't feel you had a go at all

The house help. I have had cleaners and they are ruddy nuisance tbh. Unless they act like the cleaning fairy when I am out and it is lovely when I come in all tired.

My experience is they let me down and can cause more trouble than its worth. Anyway, I look at housework as a free workout, rather than join a gym and I save the money.

I wish my husband didn't have to be asked to do things every time, he is willing but I have to ask. He must know what needs doing in a house by now.

My son does do his room but has to be bribed.

Horasio

Tiff wrote:

hi bunnie
You may not feel like you're doing much hun but well done you on planning a week's healthy menu and going shopping too! :T Or a menu of any kind in my case.:rolleyes:
A lot of people, including ourselves, forget or don't know how exhausted mental ill health leaves you. Most of us don't get to sleep 6 or 7 hours in a row. I wonder how many well people are duvet-snuggling? But they're allowed to right? Just try and eat something though angel.
Tiff
xxx

I'm under the duvet because I am cold. The cold is still driving me nuts - will it ever go?, it is nearly a week now:mad:

Horasio

Miroslav wrote:

I think it's me laying down rules. Sort of defence rules, so the hurt isn't so bad?

I think she finds me attractive as she finds every bloke attractive probably. Got a willy? you'll do, kind of thing I just don't want that, not yet. Has to be friends first, or i'd be being disloyal to my dearly departed partner. I wouldn't treat her like that. Has to be someone who accepts that I may not be in the bed as quick as others

I'm just wondering if it's all worth it. I have so much baggage - so has she, but I can accept that. She's better looking than me, she can have a pick of alot of blokes if she wants, alot of them bad for her, but she can have a choice. Probably nothing in common, she's outgoing, i'm not. I want to be friends, she want's sex, so if she does like me, it's for that reason, I've been hurt too many times, I don't want to find out she doesn't like me.

I've no money, can't drive, rent home, no job, no nothing, apart from a big heart and alot of love, and it seems most women don't want what I have. They want all the materials I've got the impression she's not a snob or anything, but maybe she wants all the materials

Maybe I should save my pain and nip it in the bud before I get hurt again. She's probably only agreeing to meet me as she feels pressured by my flatmate and/or is doing it as a favour to flatmate.

I don't want to be a charity case

I don't blame you for using emotional self defence but I would give it a go.

You do both have baggage - sometimes it is not a problem and if you can both work through it together, then great or it could make matters worse.

I have said this before, you sound a lovely person. OK you may not have material things but a good friend and more is worth so much more.

If she is not appreciative of who you are, due to her damage, it isn't you she is rejecting. She has loads of issues too. You would have to get her trust first, which can happen if you both click. You may or may not click.

If you do get to meet, she is likely to try it on with you. I guess you will nicely turn her down. She may take it as rejection or she might see why. I think she sees sex as a connection and not have any other connection because it has become a habit for her.

I don't think you are charity case, I think she is nervous and needs reassurance.

Miroslav

CCStar wrote:

I don't blame you for using emotional self defence but I would give it a go.

You do both have baggage - sometimes it is not a problem and if you can both work through it together, then great or it could make matters worse.

I have said this before, you sound a lovely person. OK you may not have material things but a good friend and more is worth so much more.

If she is not appreciative of who you are, due to her damage, it isn't you she is rejecting. She has loads of issues too. You would have to get her trust first, which can happen if you both click. You may or may not click.

If you do get to meet, she is likely to try it on with you. I guess you will nicely turn her down. She may take it as rejection or she might see why. I think she sees sex as a connection and not have any other connection because it has become a habit for her.

I don't think you are charity case, I think she is nervous and needs reassurance.

Well, she might say 'no' before I get chance too.

Baggage in another person is not a problem for me, I don't know about her.

I hope she would appreciate a good friend. I'm hoping she's not all about materials.

I hope we click. If we don't, i'll be for a long time.

I doubt she will try it on, and if she did, i'd be very nice when turning her down and explain why, that it's due to me, not anything about her. I just hope to make her feel wanted for who she is, not what she looks like.

I hope she'll be okay, I'm sure she will be, it'll be me that never sets foot outside again

Sazbo

Tiff wrote:

Hi Saz - your turn! Glad you made it through the week. You did well to keep going in. You're making progress yourself! You've given great advice & we're all herefor you too.

have a great day - talk later.
Much love
Tiff xx

Thanks Tiff - it's really nice of you to spend the time replying to eveyone. Hope you're having a good day. x

Miroslav - you're a good person with good qualities, and as CCS says - if she doesn't pursue things with you, it's no reflection on you at all. I know it's easy said, but try not to build it up too much in your mind, see it as one opportunity, of which, in time, there will be more. Sx

Hi to all the other good folk on here - catch up with you later xx

feelinggood_2

Hey guys
Only a quick one, wanted to let you know I went to the shop today! Yay me, I made it outside.
Will definately go to the docs on Monday. I'm not ready to be blunt with OH, so I won't tell him I'm gonna go. Hes a bit stressed with work, esp. with having to go to Germany on Thurs, so I'll wait till thats out the way first.
Thanks for all your kind words and advice, much appreciated

rose07

feelinggood wrote:

Hey guys
Only a quick one, wanted to let you know I went to the shop today! Yay me, I made it outside.
Will definately go to the docs on Monday. I'm not ready to be blunt with OH, so I won't tell him I'm gonna go. Hes a bit stressed with work, esp. with having to go to Germany on Thurs, so I'll wait till thats out the way first.
Thanks for all your kind words and advice, much appreciated

:T :T :T , well done you for getting to the shop, that is a great achievement, did you manage to put clothes on too?
Good glad you are going to the doctors, its a daunting process but if you can some up all your energy and get there it may just pay off.
and do the right thing by your OH, wait till the germany trip and talk to him.
But well done on your day soo far. keep it up, x

rose07

CCStar wrote:

I didn't feel you had a go at all

The house help. I have had cleaners and they are ruddy nuisance tbh. Unless they act like the cleaning fairy when I am out and it is lovely when I come in all tired.

My experience is they let me down and can cause more trouble than its worth. Anyway, I look at housework as a free workout, rather than join a gym and I save the money.

I wish my husband didn't have to be asked to do things every time, he is willing but I have to ask. He must know what needs doing in a house by now.

My son does do his room but has to be bribed.

Ah thats good.
so how are you today?
men will be men, as long as you have your OH to help you with some things, then you dont need to feel like it is all on your shoulders.
ah teenagers yes a good bribe always works,
will let you into a secret my room is a mess!!, i have everything everywhere, lol. i know where most things are tho.
i have to tidy it one day tho as things are getting burried, :rotfl: (bet you all thought i was a tidy thing, LMAO).
hope you are ok and having a good saturday
x

rose07

Hi Sazbo
how are you today?
have you got something planned for the weekend? if not why?
hope you ok
and just think you have got through this week, which is great, everytime you do something good, eg: get through a week, or a awful day, treat yourself, you would have deserved it. :T
take care
xxx